About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Adopted Children To Blame, Adoptive Parent's Absolutely No Responsibility, Bad Journalism One Sided Opinions


Adopted Child Stigma Alive and Well In Journalism

Blaming The Adopted Child, and/or Birth Parents

Adoptive Parent's Are Absolutely Free Of All Responsibility 

This article is poorly written by a biased, negative reporter who keeps injecting personal opinions into the article. The facts are shady and the entire piece is only uses the adoptive mother's opinions and the writers repetitive suggestions of cutting ties with sons....Pathetic and leading.

When reading the narrative, at the start we realize vital pieces of the story are missing and the rational mind says there are four people involved yet we are only getting the view of one plus the utterances from the writer.

As the story unfolds, I see many problems by the simple and repetitive phrases of the mother, like an omission of guilt.

Three significant facts against the adoptive mother's credibility:

#1. the death of her son.
#2. the infertility, treatments and failure.
#3. That adoptive love can fix the boys.
#4. The assumed materialism as adoption benefit: 
A. A large home
B. financial stability, 
C. upper-middle-class neighborhood

We do not hear from the adoptive father,
the adopted son #1
and adopted son #2
or the biological mother

The bad reporting on adoption matters, vilifying and sanctifying persons without unbiased factual reporting is repulsive and liability in reporting, I hope the writer gets sued. 

My adopted boys had perfect childhoods. Now both are heroin addicts and in jail - just like their birth mother

Two decades ago, Marlene Wright and her husband Alan made a journey to pick up two little boys who would ­become their adoptive sons. It was a particularly poignant occasion for Marlene as ten years ­earlier, her own son Carl had died in a ­cycling accident aged 14.
She’d since endured two ectopic pregnancies, as well as three failed attempts at IVF.
‘I’ll always remember that day,’ says Marlene. ‘The boys — Paul, seven, and Simon, five — were half-brothers. They rushed out to meet us from their foster home with huge expectant smiles on their little faces. My heart soared with joy at the thought of being a proper family again.

Troubled: Marlene and Alan Wright knew half-brothers Paul, left, and Simon, right, came from a troubled background, and that they'd been neglected, and physically and mentally abused

‘We lived in a large house and we’d put the boys together in a bedroom. They excitedly worked out who would have which bed.’
Marlene and Alan knew the boys came from a troubled background, and that they’d been neglected, and physically and mentally abused. Both were born to the same heroin-addict mother who had been in and out of prison.
The couple knew testing times lay ahead, but felt confident that with love and stability they could turn the boys’ lives around and give them a bright and happy future. And that, says Marlene, was what the boys wanted, too. Paul and Simon, now 27 and 25, took their adoptive ­parents’ surname and often spoke with contempt of their birth mother and her addiction, and how much happier they were with the Wrights.
But the optimism that all four of them held on that winter’s day was shattered a long time ago
Today, Marlene admits that in many ways, her sons have destroyed her. Despite her attempts to give them the best life possible, both slipped into heroin addiction, and both are now in prison following a violent attack on a man and a carjacking.
This week — as it was announced that ­adoption rates are at an all-time low; figures reveal just 70 babies were adopted last year — their story gives an insight into the question of whether it is nature or nurture that has the most influence on a child’s life.
Can a child from ‘the wrong side of the tracks’ be transformed by the love of a devoted family — or will their genetic make-up, and horrific experiences in early years, blight their lives?
‘Alan and I believed that when it came to nature versus nurture, the latter would prevail,’ says Marlene. ‘We thought if we gave the boys a new life, they would grab it with both hands.
‘But I was wrong. Nature, and the damage done to the boys, has won. They have followed their mother’s path exactly.
‘It’s not that the boys don’t want to be good — it’s as though their descent into drugs and crime has been a compulsion. No ­matter how many times they promised to change, things got worse — until they went to prison. Alan and I couldn’t have done any more for them. It’s as though being bad came as ­second nature to them.’

Parents: Marlene and Alan insist they gave the boys the best start in life

It is certainly not the outcome Marlene, 64, from York, ever considered on that happy day she took the boys home for the first time. Their arrival seemed to herald the start of a bright new period for the couple.
‘I was just 33 when, in 1980, I lost Carl, my son from my first marriage, and it had taken a long time to even begin to think about becoming a mother again,’ she says.
‘I remember Alan talking about having a baby and tearfully telling him no child could ever match up to Carl. But as time went on, the pain began to subside and I felt that I could love another child. I wanted a proper family.’
But, after spending £6,000 on failed IVF and suffering two ectopic pregnancies, the couple decided in 1986 to adopt.
‘Alan and I decided we’d like to adopt two boys, and in a pamphlet produced by the local authority we found an article alongside an image of Paul and Simon — they just looked so sweet.
‘We learned that Paul had been severely neglected and the younger brother, Simon, had been born in prison.’
It’s a daunting set of circumstances for any prospective adoptive parents, but Marlene and Alan were confident they could cope. ‘The consensus was that it wouldn’t be easy, but if we gave the boys stability, we could turn around any problems. I had every hope that we would end up being a very normal family,’ she says.
In 1990, the couple fostered the boys, then ­formally adopted them a year later. From that moment on, the boys enjoyed a ­middle-class lifestyle. They grew up in a large house in an affluent village and attended a small village school. They enjoyed annual holidays to Cornwall and were members of the Scouts and the Beavers.
'We tried everything we could — getting angry, shouting and grounding them. If we sat them down they’d appear remorseful, but days later the police would be on our doorstep again'
But there were lots of ups and downs. The boys were hyperactive and gained a reputation for fighting and being disruptive in class. But Marlene was prepared for hiccups.
‘We had so many happy times, and at the end of each year, Alan would make them both an album documenting our holidays. We were sure that if they felt safe and loved their problems would disappear.’
But as Paul and Simon reached puberty, their behaviour worsened. Marlene says: ‘They started hanging out in large groups with local lads, smoking and drinking in the street. They quickly became known to the police for being a nuisance.’
But things were about to get a lot worse. Marlene discovered the boys were stealing from them, and by the time Paul was 14, the boys were involved in fights. ‘Alan and I were horrified, but found ourselves powerless to stop it,’ Marlene says. ‘We started to dread the phone ringing as we knew it would be the police.
‘We tried everything we could — getting angry, shouting and grounding them. If we sat them down they’d appear remorseful, but days later the police would be on our doorstep again. I didn’t understand. They had the opportunity to have it all.’ Instead, the boys steadily ­progressed from smoking cannabis to taking harder drugs. By 1999, when he was just 16, Paul was addicted to heroin. By this point, he and has brother had been permanently excluded from school. 
‘Looking back, I ask myself if I should have spotted the signs,’ says Marlene. ‘But Paul had been very vocal about how much he hated his birth mother for being an addict, so the last thing I expected was that he would follow the same path.
‘A psychiatrist told me that being subjected to heroin in the womb had made the boys more susceptible to addiction.’
Within months, Marlene had been prescribed antidepressants to help her cope. ‘Alan and I come from stable backgrounds and had never seen anything like it before,’ she says.

‘At that time we seemed to be constantly going to court for crimes one of them had committed, such as shoplifting, fighting and being drunk and disorderly. Paul went into rehab, but he was so aggressive they decided they couldn’t help him.
‘At home, I’d often end up bruised from where, in furious rages, he’d push me against a wall.’
In 2002, at the age of 16, Simon was sentenced to eight months in a juvenile detention centre for burglary. By 18, he was addicted to heroin.
The couple faced a further blow in 2001 when Marlene was diagnosed with breast cancer. Marlene believes it could have been caused by stress.
Then, in 2005, the boys committed a particularly violent crime in which, while drunk and high on drugs, they attacked a friend. In a separate ­incident on the same evening, they carried out a carjacking.
'A psychiatrist told me that being subjected to heroin in the womb had made the boys more susceptible to addiction'
‘The boys hadn’t returned the ­previous evening, which was not unusual for them, and then we read about this horrendous incident in the local paper,’ says Marlene.
‘Our neighbour, a local magistrate, told us it was them. We heard they were being held on remand, then we got a call from Paul saying he wanted money for toiletries.
‘We refused. By now, we were determined to cut them off completely. But then we heard from the prison Simon was held at that he was on suicide watch, and we arranged to start visiting.’
In June 2005, Paul and Simon were sent to prison, on IPP sentences (indeterminate sentences for public protection), where they have remained ever since. Paul was 20 and Simon was 19.
To many, it would be understandable if Marlene and Alan decided to wash their hands of their sons. But to this day, they visit every month and, incredibly, still have a shred of hope that they can help.
‘What Paul and Simon did is ­inexcusable and they deserved prison,’ Marlene says. ‘But during the last six years inside, they have completed a number of life courses, such as anger management and ­victim awareness. The courses are there to change criminal tendencies and I truly believe that’s what’s ­happened to both our boys. They are changed men.
‘Simon has passed two GCSEs and become a teaching assistant for less able students and acted as a mentor for new inmates. They are also now clean of drugs.
‘We have no idea when they might be released, but my worry is that the longer they stay in, the less likely they will be able to build a normal life when they do come out. Despite all we have been through, I would welcome them both home.’
It’s a position, Marlene admits, which some will struggle to understand. Does she now owe them anything at all? Marlene says that she does: ‘While I would now advise anyone thinking of adopting children from that sort of background to think hard before doing it, it’s too late for me to do an about-turn.
‘We are their parents and we owe it to them to try again. I can say that if anything else happened they would be out on their own, but I’m not sure that would actually happen in reality. A son, adopted or not, is a son. I still want to help and a part of me believes I can. We won’t turn our backs on them.’
These are noble intentions. But no one would blame her for walking away from the sons who have repaid her love with such contempt.