The Forced Personality of the Adopted Child
I never asked to be the bad choice replacement for the adoptive parent's stillborn child. The adoptive mother's repetitive attempts to handicap my growing body and mind, to render me in fear of the things she is afraid of. I was programmed to be afraid of the Water and Swimming in the water. The naturally occurring Thunder Storms, Earthquakes, "Wake up the children and get them under the pool table to her stupid perception of safety. There are too many "irrational fears" to comment on each one, and in adulthood I try to block them out of my mind yet the adoptive parent programming gets in the way.
Snakes, lizards....All these fears are supposed to be based on the individual's personal feelings, yet adopted children are not allowed emotions or feelings and the adoptive parent subconsciously makes the adopted child suppress these personal identity-triggering fears, joys and emotional states, that the adoptive parent forces their own abnormal coping skills on the child without feelings. To allow the adopted child the freedom of emotional feeling would allow an open door to voice these personal feelings and might one day speak the truth that the adoptive parent keeps a vigil for their denial of truth in themselves and in their adopted child's forced silence keeps the adoptive mother in a perpetual safety state of ignorant bliss...
The adoptive parent knows that the adopted child relationship is not natural,
and in keeping the adopted child silenced from revealing any personality truths
allows the adoptive mother the ability to dominate and control the adopted child. The adoptive mother's forces and controls the adopted child's personality to form along the lines of the adoptive mother's preferences. In my case the adoptive mother wanted me to be just like her which is an insult to any human being that is not allowed to be who they really are. My adoptive mother only let me wear short dresses, in her pursuit of molding me in to a little lady. But she is inconsistent, selfish and spends little time with me. Exposing me to things that are not in a "little lady's" world like violence, verbal abuse, taking me to bars, cocktail lounges and horse racing and gambling world of adulthood. A little girl in a short dress with a sailor's vocabulary who see's sex, drunken fights and domestic violence in the home. Although I temporarily looked the part, I had been exposed or entrenched in an adult lifestyle. The adoptive mother wanted me to be a sweet girly-girl who worried about her appearance, was lady like and did not embarrass her if I opened my mouth. I was supposed to act fragile, and never run around a baseball field and get dirty. I was never allowed to play baseball or "Boy's" sports that the adoptive father coached with girls on his teams. I was supposed to act out adoptive mother's fantasy of how her stillborn daughter would have been...Just like her, but I was far from that. I was supposed to like girl things, going shopping, going out to eat, getting my nails done, all the things that I detest in life. Where I'd rather continue making forts in the field with my brothers, playing baseball in the yard, throwing knives on targets, making weapons. When adoptive mom would get out of bed around 10 am, I'd been playing or running around outside with the boys, I would be punished and my brothers were never interrupted in their outside play.
Adopted mother could wash my mouth out with soap, scrub the dirt off my face
but she could not wash away the secret real me that I held on tightly deep down Inside.
At some point in late childhood, the adoptive parent becomes repulsed by what they don't see in their adopted child. The years of molding, influencing, forcing and punishing the adopted child yields few long term results that the adoptive parent feels great disappointment and failure in trying to make the adopted child be more like the adoptive family. At the point where some adoptive parent's give up the fight to render the adopted child submissive, some adoptive parent's find acceptance in the differences. Still other adoptive parent's fight dirty to hold on to the adopted child in adulthood by the use of guilt and fear instilled in the young child, as they won't abandon their investments and demand returns in the form of broken, fear based adult children suffering at the hands of their cruel adoptive parent's demands.