The Angry Adoptee...Why I am Angry
Why I am Angry:
My entire miserable adopted life, I have been told how to act, Told what to say,How to say it, How my facial expression should look on the rare occasion when I am allowed to speak.....
Talk about adoption?
I was Never allowed to speak about adoption, My adoptive mother always spoke about my adoption on my behalf. My personal thoughts were the opposite of adoptive mother's adoption promo speech.
The Stigmatized Adopted Child Student
I was labeled a special ed looser far before I knew what the term looser meant.
My school teachers, principles and other educational professionals would punish me for being chronically late to school and never picked up from school when the staff left the campus. All of the stuff my adoptive parents were responsible for was blamed on me. The principle said I had no structure in my home environment, so my mom punished me for not getting that structure thing accomplished.
The School Children's Cruelty
The child's adopted parenting status should not be the general public's knowledge or kid's ammunition to constantly bully the outcast child. Being an outcast is difficult enough for a young child growing up in a domestic violent home. My adoptive mother made sure that each year, In each new classroom that every child was aware of my private and humiliating status of an unwanted, illegitimate, bastard and loathsome child. The more I begged her not to tell, the more details about my adoption she would blurt out to my teacher and classmates. Adoptive mother would say that my embarrassment and humiliation about being adopted, I was just not right about it and she was helping me get over it by telling everyone that would listen to her. The things that bothered me was my poor attempt at getting attention, I was a drama queen, a spoiled rotten brat that was ungrateful for all the misery she suffered to adopt me.
Telling Adopted Child that their emotions, thoughts and feelings are wrong. Not that my feelings would be acknowledged, my emotions would cause adoptive mother to feel empathy for me or my thoughts could be policed and punished. As I got the message early in life that my thoughts, feelings and emotions only made her angry and were a punishable offense.
I am Angry that my adoptive parent's taught me to overreact to any problem with yelling, screaming and striking others and if the subject does not respond in the intended way, threaten to harm yourself and when all else fails, threaten suicide. This type of adult temper tantrum that is disturbing, disgusting and disreputable behavior from adults that are supposed to protect young children, not teach them this childish way of coping with discontinuity.
I am Angry that I never had the guts to run away.
I am Angry at myself for maintaining the silence that rots away my insides. I am angry for being a victim of adopted child abuse. I am angry for being psychologically neglected and abused by my adoptive mother. I am angry for all of my failed attempts at trying to please my adoptive parents. I am angry for being a sick adopted child. I am angry for never speaking up for myself, defending myself and not taking on my adoptive parents and fighting back.
They say that I don't deserve my adoptive family,so why didn't they send me back, instead of the lifelong threats to send me back and replace me with a more deserving adopted child- I might have been better off. I am angry at society, my community and school for allowing me to remain in an abusive family that hated me. I am angry that no body cared about me,
nobody protected me. I am angry that my identity, family and ancestry was kept secret from my need to form an identity. I am angry for not knowing who I am. I am angry to be labeled a social service dependent and ward of the state burden, worthy of being unloaded to an alcoholic adoptive family.
I am angry to have been unloaded adopted to replace a dead baby. I am angry that county of San Diego social services never checked if I was still alive.
I am angry to have been used, abused and discarded by my adoptive parents, who wonder what is wrong with me. I am angry that no one takes any responsibility for why adopted children are so messed up.....It surely is not genetic.