About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Lying Adopted Children


Lying Adopted Children  ________________________________________________________________

"You Little Liar!"

The Adoption Experts always point their fingers to the adopted child and make extravagant excuses of blame and fault, Yet never identify the obvious truth that the young adopted child can easily grasp, understand and utilize as the adopted child is taught to lie about the number one concept of his adopted identity LIE. 



Lying is........... 

something that many adoptive parents are familiar with. 

Why do adopted children do it? What does it tell us about what is going on inside them?
Some adopters find that lying goes hand in hand with stealing, as their children use one behavour to cover up for the other.
The National Children's Bureau (NCB) produces a booklet -Understanding Why - which is aimed at helping teachers recognize and understand common behaviors of children who have experienced major loss or trauma early in life.
'Telling lies is often linked to early loss, especially of caregivers, and leaves children with difficulties distinguishing between fact and fantasy.'

Adoptive parents attempt to control how the adopted child is supposed to understand things, yet the adoptive parent's behavior verses what the parent says are usually two completely different concepts. The adoptive parent's opinions are biased, contrasted by what the adoptive parent wants outsiders to know, which is again contrasted by the adoptive parent's perception of how others or outsiders might and must see the adoptive family "appearances factor." Verses what adoptive parental behavior truthfully exists behind the closed doors of the adoptive family's home.  These contrasting values and norms that influence the decision making and what information is acceptable to the outside world. To what degree of truthful information is actually spoken by the adoptive parent in public, which is a vast contrast of different information that is spoken in private. The adoptive parent's daily examples of intentional lying to outside people, is viewed by the adopted child as acceptable behavior as the adoptive parent lies, exaggerates and uses deceptive language as a dependable aspect of the parent's communication skills.
The adoptive parent's own chronic lying sets the example for the adoptive child's foundation for adult communicating that is perfectly acceptable behavior in adults. Furthermore the adopted child's foundation of identity is a "Legal Fiction" that is not true and the adopted child must lie daily when referring to himself or writing his own name, is in fact a complete untruth of which the adopted child tells this lie repetitively to benefit the adoptive parent's ego.     
Suggesting that children had difficult early life experiences, may be desperate to be liked, and so will say what they think will please (Adopted children are trained by guilt, fear and intimidation, to tell mother what she wants to hear or be punished).

More than a developmental stage

Lying is a developmental stage that many young children go through. However, adopted children who have been through traumatizing early experiences sometimes reach this stage much later than their peers, making it difficult for adoptive parents to deal with, and for other adults to understand.
The parenting charity Family Lives suggests that lying is difficult to control in children – while you might be able to watch that they do not steal, you cannot stop them lying.
It says:

'Very young children (nursery and primary school age) may genuinely believe the stories they are telling you. In their minds fact and fiction can get blurred, the fairy-tales and stories they hear from parents and their teachers, can get a bit muddled in their heads. The experiences they are trying to recap to you are getting exaggerated.'

Why children lie

There are obviously a huge number of reasons why children lie. 
These can include:
  • Wishful thinking – making something up because they wish it were true 
  • or to impress friends

  • Difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, and thinking that if they really 
  • want something they will get it

  • Trying to please parents – telling you what they think you want to hear 
  • feels more important than being caught out in the lie

  • Worry that your love and approval are conditional – telling you they did 
  • well at school because they think it is more important to gain your 
  • approval than tell the truth

  • To avoid punishment when they know they have done something wrong

  • To gain more attention – i.e. feigning illness to be comforted

  • To avoid something undesirable – i.e. feigning illness to avoid school

  • To test adults – making up a story to see how easy they are to fool