About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

"This Is My Adopted Daughter", "She Is Adopted"


"This Is My Adopted Daughter, She Is Adopted"

The experience of being me in my childhood is almost like a third person account. As I have stated In many earlier posts, that a young child's everyday interaction with adopted family member that involves yelling, screaming, being struck in the face, spanked or threatened to be punished (if I don't do this or that).. Threats, fear, anxiety, dread... 
 The ordinary experience is filed in multiple places within the brain, short term memory, long term memory. The stressful encounter causes fear, dread, anticipation, shaking, The body's adrenalin response is triggered to produce the fight or flight  capability.
But when your family is taking turns yelling and punishing  you there is no place to run away, and if the adopted child dared looked the adoptive parent in the eyes responding to the parent's confrontation, this lowly outcast adopted child would most likely get her head lopped off and used as a baseball my adopted family.  The horrible childhood memories exist as though 15 years of daily fear and dreading the next sequence of events, happened last week or yesterday in minute detail. As a failure in elementary school I couldn't read, do math or make friends, but my recall of the previous confrontation of domestic violence events were all I knew and lived in fear of tonight's family quarrel. I was never allowed to speak about, bring up or talk in any way about the yelling screaming and hitting that took place last night. As an adult I would try to forget, or visualize the toppings of a banana split when I was reminded outside of being punished. These memories haunt me today as the parent's deny and pretend nothing of the sort ever occurred and "I have a drama and exaggeration problem memory" according to adoptive mother. It was when I began jotting down things on the calender that I realized "I had validity."
The free give-away calenders riddled with my adoptive parent's anger, hatred, simple verbal abuse to extremes of the many acts of being "Kicked out of the adoptive family again" were noted on dates in the records I kept. Each time I was told I was doing my exaggeration problem I would counter with the exact day it happened, and word for word what cruel things my adoptive parents said to me...."Daddy was only kidding" adoptive mother would say..I would counter
and say "Dad was kidding with his closed fist when he struck me?" Of course I would be banished again for talking back with facts, isolated and then "they Pull me back In" to do it all over again.  My life is measured out in chapters of domestic violence cycles. The memories are so vivid it's like watching a video of myself doing the domestic-violence-dance.
That ultimately ended when I realized the DV cycles were a completely predictable pattern of my adoptive mother, father and guest-starring with regularity their bad adopted child. When I stopped being the adopted child, the psychological suffering and strife ended in my life.