About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Traumatic Bonding of Adopted Children


Adopted Child Abuse

Traumatic Bonding and Submission of Adopted Child

Traumatic bonding of Adopted Children

Is a forced legal relationship between adopted child and adoptive parent, occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.


Social psychologists have developed the term to describe "the misuse of  fear, excitement, sexual force or coercion to entangle another person.  A simpler and more encompassing definition is that traumatic bonding is: "a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and his or her abuser, formed as a result of the cycle of violence."

Healthy bonding

Bonding is a normal and natural occurrence between people in an interpersonal relationship that grows over time, strengthened by doing things together, participating in major life events together and experiencing good and bad times together.

Unhealthy, or traumatic bonding, occurs between people in an abusive relationship. The bond is stronger for people who have grown up in abusive households because it seems to be a normal part of relationships.
Initially the person that had become an abuser was inconsistent in approach, which developed into an intensity perhaps not matched in other relationships of the victim. The longer a relationship continues, the more difficult it is for people to leave the abusers with whom they have bonded.

Power and control in abusive relationships is the way that abusers exert physical, sexual and other forms of abuse to gain and maintain control within parent child relationships.


The power and control wheel was developed in 1982 by the Domestic Abuse Program in Minneapolis to explain the nature of abuse, to delineate the forms of abuse used to control another person, and to educate people with the goal of stopping violence. The model is used in many batterer intervention programs, and is known at the Duluth model. Power and control is generally present with violent physical and sexual abuse.

Control development

Often the abusers are initially attentive, charming and loving, gaining the trust of the individual that will ultimately become the victim, also known as the survivor. When there is a connection and a degree of trust, the abusers become unusually involved in their partner's feelings, thoughts and actions.
Next, they set petty rules and exhibit "pathological jealousy". A conditioning process begins with alternation of loving followed by abusive behavior. According to Counselling Survivors of Domestic Abuse, "These serve to confuse the survivor leading to potent conditioning processes that impact on the survivor's self-structure and cognitive schemas." The abuser projects responsibility for the abuse on to the victim, or survivor, and "the denigration and negative projections become incorporated into the survivor's self image.
Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.
Gain trustOverinvolvementPetty rules and jealousyManipulation, power and controlTraumatic bonding
The potential abuser is attentive, loving, charming→The abuser becomes overly involved in the daily life and use of time→Rules begin to be inserted to begin control of the relationship. Jealousy is considered by the abuser to be "an act of love"→The victim is blamed for the abuser's behavior and becomes coerced and manipulated→Ongoing cycles of abuse can lead to traumatic bonding


Tactics of violent and non-violent relationships
Power and control in violent relationships
Equality wheel for non-violent relationships
Controlling abusers use multiple tactics to exert power and control over their partners. According to Jill Cory and Karen McAndless-Davis, authors of When Love Hurts: A Woman's Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships: Each of the tactics within the power and control wheel are used to "maintain power and control in the relationship. No matter what tactics your partner uses, the effect is to control and intimidate you or to make you feel that you do not have an equal voice in the relationship."

Coercion and threat

A tool for exerting control and power is the use of threats and coercion. The victim may be subject to threats that they will be left, hurt, or reported to welfare. The abuser may threaten that they will commit suicide They may also coerce them to perform illegal actions or to drop charges that they may have against their abuser.
At its most effective, the abuser creates intimidation and fear through unpredictable inconsistent parenting behavior.  Absolute control is sought one of four types of sadist: explosive, enforcing, tyrannical or spineless sadists. The victims are at risk of anxiety, dissociation, depression, shame low self-esteem  and suicidal idealization.


parent's Intimidation of a child
Abused individuals may be intimidated by the brandishing of weapons, destroying their property or other things, or using gestures or looks to create fear.

Economic abuse

Economic abuse and dependence
An effective means of ensuring control and power over another is to control their access to money. One method is to prevent the abuser from getting a job. Another is to control their access to money; This can be done by withholding information and access to family income, taking their money, requiring the person to ask for money, or giving them an allowance.

Emotional abuse

Psychological Abuse of a Child
Emotional abuse include name-calling, playing mind games and put downs, or humiliating the child individual. The goals are to make the person feel bad about themselves, feel guilty or make them think the child is going crazy.


A psychological control is the isolation of the child victim, from the outside world. Isolation includes controlling a child's social activity: who they see, who they talk to, where they go and any other method to limit their access to others. It may also include limiting what material is read. It can include insisting on knowing where they are and requiring permission for any reason, The abuser exhibits hypersensitive and reactive jealousy.

Minimizing, denying and blaming

Minimization, guilt and blame
The abuser may deny the abuse occurred to attempt to place the responsibility for their behavior on the victim. Minimizing concerns or the degree of the abuse is another aspect of this control.

Using children and pets

Children may be used to exert control, by threatening to hurt the children or making them feel guilty about being a child. It could include harassing, threatening or using the children to take out anger. Another controlling tactic is abusing pets.

Using privilege

Social Inequality
Using "Parent Privilege" means that the abuser defines the adult and child's roles in the relationship, makes the important decisions, treats the individual like a servant and acts like the "master of the castle".

The abuser


Characteristics of an abuser, or someone who may become an abuser, include:

Control freak

In psychology-related slang, control freak is a derogatory term for a person who attempts to dictate how everything around them is done.[13]
Control freaks are often perfectionists[14] defending themselves against their own innervulnerabilities in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst.[15] Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves,[16] and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness.[17]
In terms of personality-type theory, control freaks are very much the Type A personality, driven by the need to dominate and control.[18] An obsessive need to control others is also associated with antisocial personality disorder.

Sadistic personality disorder

Individuals with sadistic personality disorder derive pleasure from the distress caused by their aggressive, demeaning and cruel behavior towards others. Sadistic people have poor ability to control their reactions and become enraged by minor disturbances, with some sadists more abusive than others. They use a wide range of behaviors to control others, ranging from hostile glances to severe physical violence. Within the spectrum are cutting remarksthreats,humiliationcoercion, inappropriate control over others, restrictive of others' autonomyhostile behavior and physical and sexual violence. Often the purpose of their behavior is to control and intimidate 
The sadistic individual are likely rigid in their beliefs, intolerant of other races or other "out-groups", authoritarian, and malevolent. They may seek positions in which they are able to exert power over others, such as a parents, child care workers who misuse their positions of power to control or brutalize others.