About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Monday, June 2, 2014

The Narcissist Adoptive Mother's Narcissistic Nurturing, The Deliberate Psychological Trauma In Adopted Children


The Narcissist Adoptive Mother's
"Narcissistic Nurturing", 
The Deliberate Psychological Trauma In Adopted Children

In the population of adoptive mothers the commonly observed personality problem of narcissism. The narcissistic mother that chooses to adopt a child, her choice is based on satisfying her own personal needs. the temporary satisfaction and narcissistic supply is supplied by the compliant child. The adopted child must give up on all self related thoughts, actions and motivations to become the narcissist adoptive mother's servant.  The role of the narcissist's supplier is a lifetime dedication to please the narcissist adoptive mother without reward or conciliation. The adopted child may not ever escape the tyranny of the narcissist's delusions, control or domination. The role of a Narcissist's Supplier brings a void of the self, loss of identity and morphs the truth of reality. The serious, disturbing and damaging effects on the so called narcissistic nurturing is observed in the population of abused, neglected and psychologically maltreated adoptive children and more obvious of the psychological damages in abused adult adoptees. 


Intentional Psychological Trauma From Parenting

Childhood Based Psychological trauma is a type of damage to the child's psyche that occurs as a result of a severely distressing events over time in childhood.
Trauma, which means "wound" in Greek, is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one's ability to cope or integrate the emotions involved continuous maltreatment experiences.  A traumatic event involves one experience, or repeating events with the sense of being overwhelmed that can be psychologically delayed by mental inability, immaturity, and the child's environment (as in the home or family) does not allow such negative displays of spontaneous emotions.
The child is not allowed to express emotions or discuss traumatic events with family members or parents, such as physical and verbal punishments can have delayed consequences by weeks, years, or even decades as the person struggles to cope with the immediate feelings, injustices, or humiliating circumstances, eventually leading to serious, long-term negative consequences, often overlooked even by mental health professionals: "If clinicians fail to look through a trauma lens and to conceptualize client problems as related possibly to current or past trauma, they may fail to see that trauma victims, young and old, organize much of their lives around repetitive patterns of reenacting, re-creating, reliving and warding off traumatic memories, and reminders of childhood.
Childhood Trauma can be caused by a wide variety of events in childhood, but there are a few common aspects. There is frequently a violation of the person's familiar ideas about the world and of their human rights and dignity, putting the person in a state of extreme confusion and insecurity. This is also seen when institutions (as in parenting) are depended on for survival, violate and betray or disillusion the person in some unforeseen way. 
Psychologically traumatic experiences often involve physical trauma that threatens one's survival and sense of security. Typical causes and dangers of psychological trauma include harassment, bullying, sexual abuse, domestic violence and indoctrination. Being the victim of an alcoholic or narcissistic parent, the threat of either, or the witnessing of either, particularly in childhood, life-threatening medical conditions, medication-induced trauma. Catastrophic natural disasters such as earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, war or other mass violence can also cause psychological trauma. Long-term exposure to situations such as extreme poverty, greed, psychological manipulation, grandiose, selfish or childlike parents and milder forms of child abuse,  exist independently of physical trauma but still generate psychological trauma.
However, the definition of trauma differs among individuals by their subjective experiences, not the objective facts. People will react to similar events all differently. In other words, not all people who experience a potentially traumatic event will actually become psychologically traumatized.  This discrepancy in risk rate can be attributed to psychological protective factors, some individuals may have that enable them to cope with trauma. Some examples are mild exposure to stress early in life, acute startle responses, resilience or survival characteristics, and the frequent object or action related re-experiencing the pain and emotional discontent in childhood memory.  
The action of actively seeking of professional psychological help is acknowledging childhood abuses, which is the first step toward healing. Those who rely on the family and parents who abused them in childhood for assistance in healing are setting themselves up for failure and further psychological abuse in adulthood.
Some theories suggest childhood trauma can increase one's risk for psychological disorders including PTSD, depression, and substance abuse. Childhood abuse tends to have the most complications with long-term effects out of all forms of trauma because it occurs during  the most sensitive and critical psychological stages of children's psychological development.  It could also lead to violent behavior, possibly as extreme as serial murder. For example, Hickey's Trauma-Control Model suggests that "childhood trauma for serial murderers may serve as a triggering mechanism resulting in an individual's inability to cope with the stress of certain events in the present.
By Alice Miller...
Humiliations, spankings and beatings, slaps in the face, betrayal, sexual exploitation, derision, neglect, etc. are all forms of mistreatment, 
because they injure the integrity and dignity of a child, even if their consequences are not visible right away. However, as adults, most abused children will suffer, and let others suffer, from these injuries. This dynamic of violence can deform some victims into hangmen who take revenge even on whole nations and become willing executors to dictators as unutterably appalling as Hitler and other cruel leaders. Beaten children very early on assimilate the violence they endured, which they may glorify and apply later as parents, in believing that they deserved the punishment and were beaten out of love. They don't know that the only reason for the punishments they have ( or in retrospect, had) to endure is the fact that their parents themselves endured and learned violence without being able to question it. Later, the adults, once abused children, beat their own children and often feel grateful to their parents who mistreated them when they were small and defenseless.
This is why society's ignorance remains so immovable and parents continue to produce severe pain and destructivity - in all "good will", in every generation. Most people tolerate this blindly because the origins of human violence in childhood have been and are still being ignored worldwide. Almost all small children are smacked during the first three years of life when they begin to walk and to touch objects which may not be touched. This happens at exactly the time when the human brain builds up its structure and should thus learn kindness, truthfulness, and love but never, never cruelty and lies. Fortunately, there are many mistreated children who find "helping witnesses" and can feel loved by them.
Adoptive Family Archetypes

This essay was written in response to adopted children's behavior in boarding school trumped 
the abandonment of adopted children by their adoptive family. 


In the admissions interview we ask adopted children, “How do you feel about being adopted?” The response is nearly always the same, “Oh, it’s not an issue.” Sometimes even the parents will intercede and assure the interviewer and their own child that it’s not an issue.

To project ahead four or five months after the student is enrolled, we almost invariably find that it is indeed an issue.

 To be sure, that which we know about adoption pales in comparison to that which we do not know. 

We have observed that many families of adopted children are fearful of what their true feelings are about this issue. They might examine the feelings they have toward their biological child, if they have one, with greater scrutiny than they apply to their adopted child. This can create problems for the adopted child, the greatest being that the child never examines his or her own deepest feelings about being adopted.

Some of the angriest kids I have encountered have been those of biracial or multiracial adoptions. Some of this has to do with the fact that the adoption issue has not been adequately discussed. More than that, we have often discovered that parents in these circumstances sometimes play a unique role in which both are conciliators and neither plays drill sergeant. It is almost as if the parents are thinking, Not only is this child likely to feel unwanted by his or her natural parents, the fact that his/her adoption will be blatantly obvious to the child’s friends at school and, in fact, to anyone who encounters our family.

Families with biracial or multiracial adoption generally do not possess the option of disclosing the adoption whenever the family sees fit to do so. Thus, the parents will sometimes respond as if to say, We’re going to overcompensate for the fact that this child may feel intense abandonment in a world of racial discrimination. They may then indulge the child or refrain from exacting discipline. The irony of this dynamic is that children in these circumstances frequently reserve their most bitter feelings for their own adoptive parents, the very people who have tried to help them the most. This is because they intuitively know that their parents are establishing some sort of double standard for them, and they resent it.

In recent years, we have conducted many Family Learning Center workshops especially for both adopted children and their parents. Simply keeping the communication lines open among kids, families, peers, and the school community proves to be meaningful for all.