About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

The Fictional Friend of the Fantasy Bond Utilized by Psychologically Compromised Adoptive Parents


"The Fantasy Bond" of Adoptive Parenting
The Fictional Friend in the Fantasy Bond Is always Siding With the Adoptive Parent. __________________________________________
The Narcissistic Coping Mechanism of Fantasy Bond

The fantasy bond that is utilized by many psychologically injured, narcissistic personality disordered, physically and mentally abusive adoptive mothers, creates fictional false connection to the adopted child. As time passes the Problems in relating to the adopted child begin to escalate and expand as the adoptive mother's lack of maternal driven feelings and lack of maternal bond connectedness leaves the child suffering from neglect without human interaction. The adoptive parent's Inability to relate to other people on a mutual level or mature level of relating to others.   The adoptive mother is overwhelmed by mounting stress, unrelenting discontinuity and all consuming pressure that is felt toward the unassociated adopted child does not go away.

The Fantasy Bond

The Fantasy bond is a type of relationship where the basic tie is based on routines, habitual behavior, roles, and forced proximity as in the adopted relationship. Rather than spontaneous feelings within human interactions and interpersonal relating with others and nurturing, growing and dialog based relationships involving two people. 
The Fantasy Bond is a term used to describe an imaginary connection formed originally by the adopted infant with the adopted parent or primary caregiver, and also describes the illusory connection to another person that adults attempt to establish in their intimate associations, which leads to deterioration in the relationship. 

This type of bond is differentiated from the positive bonding and maternal bonding that occurs in normal secure attachments.                   The fantasy bond offers an illusion of love which prevents real emotional contact, and can be linked to the pseudo-independence of the self-parenting character. 

Fantasy Bond Origins

The origins of a fantasy bond can be found in the failures of childhood parenting, denial of which leads to an over-valuation and idealization of the adoptive parent/parents in question.
The result can be a sense of grandiosity based on the internalisation of the parental value systems, an acceptance of the inner critic with its automatic thoughts as a substitute for real relating with other people.
Such over-idealisation of the past protects against the re-emergence of painful memories, ties into the perpetuation of current manifestations of inferior quality substitutes for human relationships. With only the object of idolatry changed in the new fantasy bond. 
The new fantasy bond acts as painkiller that cuts off feeling responses and interferes with the development of a true sense of self, and the more a person comes to rely on fantasies OF connection, the less he or she will seek or be able to accept love and affection in a real interaction and human relationships. 
The fantasy bond is the primary defense against separation anxiety, interpersonal pain, and existential dread.  Infants naturally comfort themselves by using images and self-soothing behaviors to ease the anxiety of being separated from their caregivers, so when caregivers are often unavailable or inconsistent in meeting an infant's needs, the infant increasingly turns to an image of being connected to them. This fantasy bond is a substitute for the love and care that is absent missing.

Later life

In later life the fantasy bond may provide an illusory sense of safety against the threat of the approach of death. To varying degrees, all people tend to make imagined connections with people in their lives. Many people have a fear of intimacy and at the same time are terrified of being alone. A fantasy bond allows them to maintain a certain emotional distance while relieving loneliness, but this bond reduces the possibility of achieving success in a relationship. 


Therapists are warned to guard against the emergence of a false transference based on a fantasy bond and fuelled especially by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder.