The Socially Acceptable Request for Medical Records, Is the only Allowance Grateful Adoptees Should Want.
The Adoption Punishment Sentence Served
The U.S. society's etiquette enforcement, the general culture acceptability consensus, and is frequently reflected through internet, writers and social forums, acknowledging strict guidelines regarding what is socially acceptable behavior of grateful adult adoptee's and what is socially acceptable to society about what adult adoptee's are allowed to want.
............Thanks, but No Thanks! (To the society that labeled me a bastard at birth, and my mother unfit.)
The Adoption Punishment Sentence Served
I much prefer the antisocial status of banishment along with adoption dishonor as I never agreed to any adoption contract and I did not benefit in any way from being adopted. No loving acceptance into a "Forever Family" was offered to me. My best interests were used, abused and thrown back into my face by age three when the cruelest of behaviors were forced on my innocence. They told me that my real mother would come to get me because I was a bad child.
To be a social outcast is much greater than to lie to myself, to continue to denial myself the truth in my existence and holding on to the disturbing reality of being selected to replace a dead baby and my failure to play the proper part in this sick human drama.
The grateful, compliant, and silent adopted child was what I was, for forty years. My 40 year role as the obedient, compliant, submissive and seen as "young" adopted child, whose silent purpose was to accommodate the adoptive parents when summoned without self regard. When I am in their presence I am to remain silent unless spoken to, of which my certain agreeable attitude and pleasantness was required at all times.
If I chose to deviate from the "chosen role" and speak my mind the reactionary parent would enact the alarm of "family abuse cycle." The cycle of being ostracized, denied by my family, I was expected to stay gone until they were ready to tolerate me, felt guilty and later years wanted to see their grandchildren. they pull me back and start over again, Until I realized that I did not have to play the family victim anymore. But my only position in this family is the victim, and they will not allow me to assume a new position as my position of victim is set in stone. If I will not play this role, there is no place for me.
until I couldn't live with the lie any longer damaged adoption By-Product. At least I keep what little human dignity that I carved out of my miserable life as a human puppet.
The socially acceptable allowance afforded to adult adoptee's is to seek their own biological medical information. Medical Information in an adoption file is extremely limited, non-existent, incomplete and or irrelevant. Most adoption file's medical records include the birth nursing notes and infant APGAR scores. No prenatal records, medical history or family history of disease.
The only true way to create a biological medical record is to interview the biological parents, aunts, uncles. grandparents, cousins, siblings and others.
Post Reunion Compilation of Medical History
It has taken three years so far of interviewing my biological parents, sibling and extended family members. The information trickles out in bits and pieces. The death certificates of grandparents and other deceased family members has proven to be more reliable than actually speaking to family members about medical problems they have themselves. Like so many other people, my relatives live in denial of many truths in life, especially illnesses and diseases, and the underlying conditions themselves are difficult to get people to admit to. The monumental things are ignored and simple things are exaggerated. I believe it has alot to do with self preservation, vanity and what illnesses are socially acceptable to have and what diseases are humiliating and stigmatizing to the individuals. The process of interviewing family to uncover health risks is a tedious process involving lots of time and patients.