About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

The Basics that Were Lacking in the adopted child


The Basics that were Lacking in the Adopted Childhood 

Read each paragraph, Reflect on your own childhood experience.
 Were you the apple in mom's eye or the worm that ruined a perfectly good apple? Write down for your own benefit, What emotional feelings are happening, Injustice, betrayal, shame and ignorance (which is no excuse!) The happy same, or the different, neglectful and abusive.   

#1) Prenatal Parenting:
Many people believe that parenting begins with birth, but the mother begins raising and nurturing a child well before birth. Scientific evidence indicates that from the fifth month on, the unborn baby is able to hear sounds, become aware of motion, and exhibit short term memory. Several studies (e.g. Kissilevsky et al., 2003) show evidence that the unborn baby can become familiar with his or her parents' voices. Other research indicates that by the seventh month, external schedule cues influence the unborn baby's sleep habits. Based on this evidence, parenting actually begins well before birth.

#2) Newborn Parenting:
Newborn parenting, is where the responsibilities of parenthood begins. A newborn's basic needs are food, sleep, comfort and cleaning which the parent provides. An infant's only form of communication is crying, and attentive parents will begin to recognize different types of crying which represent different needs such as hunger, discomfort, boredom, or loneliness. Newborns and young infants require feedings every few hours which is disruptive to adult sleep cycles They respond enthusiastically to soft stroking, cuddling and caressing. Gentle rocking back and forth often calms a crying infant, as do massages and warm baths. Newborns may comfort themselves by sucking their thumb or a pacifier. The need to suckle is instinctive and allows newborns to feed. Breastfeeding is the recommended method of feeding by all major infant health organizations. If breastfeeding is not possible or desired, bottle feeding is a common alternative. Other alternatives include feeding breastmilk or formula with a cup, spoon, feeding syringe, or nursing supplementer.
(The Most Important Aspect of Mother-Child Biological Bond)
"The forming of attachment" is considered to be the foundation of the infant/child's capacity to form and conduct relationships throughout life. Attachment is not the same as love and/or affection although they often go together. Attachments develop immediately and a lack of attachment or a seriously disrupted capacity for attachment could potentially do serious damage to a child's health and well-being. Physically one may not see symptoms or indications of a disorder but emotionally the child may be affected. Studies show that children with secure attachment have the ability to form successful relationships, express themselves on an interpersonal basis and have higher self-esteem. 
Conversely children who have caregivers who are neglectful or emotionally unavailable, 
(at the bar, at the mall or getting her hair,nails,plastic surgery.....and forgot to pick me up or take me to school as I'm not allowed to walk home or ride the bus because I am a girl) Yes, I am really messed up! 
can exhibit behavioral problems such as post-traumatic stress disorder or oppositional-defiant disorder 
Oppositional-defiant disorder is a pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures. If a minor (under 18 years old) adopted child is (diagnosed with ODD) these days (2014) the adopted child will be placed in an Inpatient psychiatric hospital, Tied down, drugged and current treatment with (ECT)"Electro-Convulsive-Therapy".   The  midevil torture worst of psychiatric horror history has been medically re-introduced  of the disreputable "shock therapy"

My Reflections:(As any and all authority figures are a potential threat to my freedom, that will call my parents to punish me or have me locked up in a psych ward or taken to jail at 45 years old., to an adopted child - adult adoptee escapee)

#3) Toddlers:

Toddlers are much more active than infants and are challenged with learning how to do simple tasks by themselves. At this stage, parents are heavily involved in showing the child how to do things rather than just doing things for them, and the child will often mimic the parents. Toddlers need help to build their vocabulary, increase their communication skills, and manage their emotions. Toddlers will also begin to understand social etiquette such as being polite and taking turns.
Toddlers are very curious about the world around them and eager to explore it. They seek greater independence and responsibility and may become frustrated when things do not go the way they want or expect. Tantrums begin at this stage, which is sometimes referred to as the 'Terrible Twos', Tantrums are often caused by the child's frustration over the particular situation, sometimes simply not being able to communicate properly. Parents of toddlers are expected to help guide and teach the child, establish basic routines (such as washing hands before meals or brushing teeth before bed), and increase the child's responsibilities. It is also normal for toddlers to be frequently frustrated. It is an essential step to their development. They will learn through experience; trial and error. This means that they need to experience being frustrated when something does not work for them, in order to move on to the next stage. When the toddler is frustrated, they will often behave badly with actions like screaming, hitting or biting. Parents need to be careful when reacting to such behaviours, giving threats or punishments is not helpful and will only make the situation worse.

#4) Young Children:
Younger children are becoming more independent and are beginning to build friendships. They are able to reason and can make their own decisions given hypothetical situations. Young children demand constant attention, but will learn how to deal with boredom and be able to play independently. They also enjoy helping and feeling useful and able. Parents may assist their child by encouraging social interactions and modelling proper social behaviors. A large part of learning in the early years comes from being involved in activities and household duties. Parents who observe their children in play or join with them in child-driven play have the opportunity to glimpse into their children’s world, learn to communicate more effectively with their children and are given another setting to offer gentle, nurturing guidance. Parents are also teaching their children health, hygiene, and eating habits through instruction and by example.
Parents are expected to make decisions about their child's education. Parenting styles in this area diverge greatly at this stage with some parents becoming heavily involved in arranging organized activities and early learning programs. Other parents choose to let the child develop with few organized activities.
Children begin to learn responsibility, and consequences of their actions, with parental assistance. Some parents provide a small allowance that increases with age to help teach children the value of money and how to be responsible with it.
Parents who are consistent and fair with their discipline, who openly communicate and offer explanations to their children, and who do not neglect the needs of their children in some way often find they have fewer problems with their children as they mature.


#5) Adolescent Parenting

During adolescence children are beginning to form their identity and are testing and developing the interpersonal and occupational roles that they will assume as adults. Therefore it is important that parents must treat them as young adults. Although adolescents look to peers and adults outside of the family for guidance and models for how to behave, parents remain influential in their development. A teenager who thinks poorly of him or herself, is not confident, hangs around with gangs, lack positive values, follows the crowd, is not doing well in studies, is losing interest in school, has few friends, lacks supervision at home or is not close to key adults like parents are vulnerable to peer pressure. Parents often feel isolated and alone in parenting adolescents, but they should still make efforts to be aware of their adolescents' activities, provide guidance, direction, and consultation. Adolescence can be a time of high risk for children, where new found freedoms can result in decisions that drastically open up or close off life opportunities. Adolescents tend to increase the amount of time they spend with the opposite gender peers, however, they still maintain the amount of time they spend with the same gender, and they do this by decreasing the amount of time they spend with their parents. Also, peer pressure is not the reason why peers have influence on adolescents, yet it is because they respect, admire and like their peers. Parental issues at this stage of parenting include dealing with "rebellious teenagers" who didn't know freedom while they were smaller. In order to prevent all these, it is important to build a trusting relationship with them. This can be achieved by planning and spending fun activities together, keeping your promises, do not nag at him or her about their past mistakes and try to listen and talk to them, no matter how busy you are. When a trusting relationship is built, they are more likely to approach you for help when faced with negative peer pressure. Also, try to built a strong foundation to help your child to resist negative peer pressure, it is important to build up their self-esteem:Praise your child's strength instead of focusing on their weakness (It will make them feel good and grow confident about themselves, so he/she does not feel the need to gain acceptance from his peers), acknowledge your child's efforts, do not simply focus on the final result (when they notice that you recognize his/her efforts, he/she will keep trying), and lastly, disapprove the behavior, not the child, or they will turn to their peers for acceptance and comfort.