About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Friday, April 4, 2014

The Uninvolved Adopted Parent


Adopted Children From Uninvolved Adoptive Parenting

Neglectful parenting

The parent is neither demanding nor responsive.
Neglectful parenting is also called uninvolved, detached, dismissive or hands-off. The parents are low in warmth and control, are generally not involved in their child's life, are disengaged, undemanding, low in responsiveness, and do not set limits. Neglectful parenting can also mean dismissing the children's emotions and opinions. Parents are emotionally unsupportive of their children, but will still provide their basic needs. Provide basic needs meaning: food, housing, and toiletries or money for the prementioned.

Neglectful parenting can stem from a variety of reasons, this includes the parents prioritizing themselves, lack of encouragement on the parent's parts, financial stresses, lack of support and addiction to harmful substances.
Children whose parents are neglectful develop the sense that other aspects of the parents’ lives are more important than they are. Many children of this parenting style often attempt to provide for themselves or halt depending on the parent to get a feeling of being independent and mature beyond their years. Parents, and thus their children, often display contradictory behavior. Children become emotionally withdrawn from social situations. This disturbed attachment also impacts relationships later on in life. In adolescence, they may show patterns of truancy and delinquency.
A study done by Maccoby and Martin (1983) analyzed adolescents, aged 14– 18 in four areas: psychosocial development, school achievement, internalized distress, and problem behaviour. The study found that those with neglectful parents scored the lowest on these tests, while those with authoritative parents scored the highest.

Differing parenting styles for male and female children

Mothers and fathers tend to pick up different behaviors of parenting based on the sex of their child. Studies have shown that fathers can affect their daughters' emotional adjustment more through the style of parenting they demonstrate rather than through using disciplinary approaches, such as punishment. Also, both a father and mother sometimes tend to use an authoritative style towards their daughters, while feeling more comfortable switching over to an authoritarian style for sons.
Toxic parenting
Poor parenting, with a toxic relationship between the parent and child. It results in complete disruption of the child's ability to identify one's self and reduced self-esteem, neglecting the needs of the child and abuse is sometimes seen in this parenting style.


Abusive Characteristics In Adopted Parent Relationships With Adopted Children

Adopted parent narcissism is a common theme in abusive adopted parent relationships with adopted children. Whereas the psychologically healthy adoptive parent is confident enough to allow a child's autonomy, "a pathologically narcissistic adoptive parent... may need to extract a specific performance from the adopted child to glorify him/herself. For example, "the nonmirroring father who was preoccupied with his own self-enhancement and insisted on being looked up to and imitated"  may produce a son who "began to see himself as a 'puppet' of his father"—one who "learned early in life to put other people's emotional needs ahead of [his] own. 
The narcissistic adoptive mother, who is the instigator of the child adoption as a last resort of her infertility, will view the adopted child as a daily reminder of her loss of a biological child, including the physical and mental trauma and the pain she suffered in past attempts to bear children. The adopted child will bear the burden of the narcissistic adopted mother's failure as a woman and be subjected to her psychological instability and fluctuation in the daily processes of mental coping and compensating. The adopted child becomes the scapegoat for the adopted mother's stress, problems and unpleasant issues that arise unconnected to the adopted child. The adopted child is the perfect target for the narcissist's mother's anger, frustration, indifference and animosity, as the child is dependent, young and can't defend themselves. The adopted child learns quickly learn not to test the narcissist's rage at any cost to the child's injustice through the mother's rage of physical, verbal, non-verbal abuse and body language.
Narcissistic Adoptive Parent to Adopted Child Interaction:
Because adopted children are not not the biological offspring of the parent, and are the offspring of a unknown stranger, nothing can be assumed about the child.
The grim reality is the false hope of "adoption matching" that the adoptive mother will "Fall in love" with the adopted child, based on the assumption of the child's cuteness in infancy and similarity of the child's future appearance is hoped to be a match in each adoption. 35% of legal agency adoptions fail in the first three months. Although this disturbing number is based on a small percentage of government records, and is estimated at fifty percent and higher regarding world adoptions based in matching. If the child never grew up and remained a child forever the adoption principle would work out but now remains the adoption paradox.
"Look-Likeness". The adoption agency's "Matching" policy is attempts to guess and make assumptions on possibility decisions based future physical appearances and match child to family based on these guesses. 
The adopted child does not relate to the substitute mother, due to the alliance to the child's biological mother.  The child is an outsider to the biological family, and the adoptive mother is forcing the child's presence to meet her own self-centered psychological needs. The child is forced into the adoption and has no recognized opinion regarding the child's own life and the best interests of the child are governed by conflict of interest persons, there are no non-biased opinion persons to represent the child that are not subjected to profit from the adoption proceedings or the over-represented stress of children in the court system. The child is forced to comply with being an outsider for the rest of his life through the whims of need in a narcissistic personality disordered adoptive mother.
The adoptive mother's insistence on the adopted child's admission to a private family will only grant the child temporary acceptance, as the child grows into their differentness the family will become increasingly indifferent. 
The narcissistic adopted parents will not directly engage the child in conversation as the parents feel mentally superior and indifferent toward the child. The child's cognitive growth gives rise to independence and self centered thinking is seen as threatening over parental monarchy and control, grounds for abandonment. The most of the parent-to-child interaction is based on the child's wrong behavior. the child's bad behavior that made the parent angry and overreacted by hitting the child and yelling at the child followed the child's striking. The parents assume that the child is mentally responsible for causing strife and stress to the parent, and getting into trouble is seen as a deliberate challenge to the parental monarchy of control. The child's "on purpose" trouble result compiles into inventory of malicious deeds to hurt the parent (Also known as Emotional Blackmail). The over reacting parent's accounting of the child's negative behavior is an easier way to emotionally abandon the child in the future. When the parent gets to the point where the parenting demands of adopted child are too much of a parental investment, outweighing the good in the relationship. The parents can easily kick the teen out of the family and be free of the emotional draining child without a financial or legal burden to support. 
The parental threats "making mum or dad not ashamed by the child's behavior in public" which is a common theme for adoptive parents with narcissistic personality disorder.. and may reproach their children for exhibiting "being too dramatic," or not meeting the standard of "what is expected." As a result, children of narcissists learn to "play their part" and from time to time are expected to "perform their special skill," especially in public or for others. Without performing the skill, the child simply is of no use to the parents.
In extension, children of narcissists typically do not have many memories of having felt loved or appreciated for being themselves, but rather associate their experience of love and appreciation with conforming to the demands of the narcissistic parent. For example, a narcissistic father who was a lawyer demanded that his son, who had always been the favorite child, enter the legal profession as well. When the son chose another career, the father rejected and disparaged him.
"These traits will lead overly narcissistic parents to be very intrusive in some ways, and entirely neglectful in others. 
The children are punished if they do not respond adequately from the parent behavior training and responding expectations. The adopted parents' perception of the adopted child's deliberate provoking the adoptive parent's anger   especially when the adopted child has been groomed to respond in certain and specific ways by the narcissistic adoptive mother.
This punishment may take a variety of forms, including physical abuse, angry outbursts, blame, attempts to instill guilt, emotional neglect, and criticism. Whatever form it takes, the purpose of the punishment is to enforce compliance with the parents' narcissistic needs.
Viknin considered that "the narcissistic parent regards his or her child as a multifaceted Source of Narcissist Supply... as an extension of the narcissist. A doll that repeats a phrase would serve the same purpose as a human child.