Unstable Self Esteem In Adopted Children
Self-Esteem Instability Review
Adopted children are forced into adoption compliance without their consent, knowledge or understanding of the concept of adoption. The adopted child arrives in the adoptive home bearing the serious narcissistic wound and eventual scar from the infant's trauma of the legally severed maternal bond from the infant's real and true mother. The child's developing relation with adoptive care giver is a coping and defense mechanism type of agreement. By this point the infant has received care from three or more care givers that are not the infant's mother, the infant's inability to cognitively process this loss is filled with general anxiety suffering and in time reduced to a depression state. The adoptive mother resents the child's fear based disposition and unwillingness to bond with her. The Mother becomes angry and resentful of the child's rejection of the adoptive mother. The adoptive mother and adoptive child engage in the "rejecting dance" and refuse to accept each other to the point of ignoring the child's cries, ques and signals.
The adoptive mother's previous narcissistic wound of infertility, (child death, etc.) Cause the adoptive mother to use "projection" of the previous narcissistic wound on to the child. Now the child's cries are a constant reminder of her failure to parent and the failure of the "Fix plan" of adopting a child to (get out of) ignore the mourning and depression of her future potentials lost.
"The Psychological Projection" of the adoptive mother's narcissistic wound is projected onto the adopted child that makes the mother angry. as the mother's anger grows and expands at the non-compliant infant with each refusal, the child is deserving of her anger and the mother constantly feels provoked. The repressed anger, the psychological wounds and current new hostility is now directed daily at the child.
The adoptive mother's commitment to raise the adopted child is done from a distant, deep seeded rage which will be obvious in the adopted child's future personality, lack of self esteem and psychological dysfunction from compensating to fit in the family.
Time will pass, the child will grow and the only way for the adoptive mother to cope with the non-genetic child is if the child serves a purpose in the family. Many adopted children serve the position of the family scapegoat and the fact that the adopted child is not deserving of the mother's love attention or nurturing. The adoptive mother's focus on the deserving, genetic children's nurturing, support and success. Since the adopted child is a guest in the home they will not challenge the position as the temporary attention object for the narcissistic personality disordered mother and serve the needs throughout the adoptive mother's life. Self esteem in the infant is non-existent and will remain in deficit during childhood.