Psychological Repression Of Adopted Children
or substituted as the infant's suffering is continuous from the horrific loss of his mother. Yet the adoptive family expects the infant to get with the program and become the adoring child like other people's baby.
The conflict based dysfunctional family goes on as usual making the unusual behavior of the adopted infant the target of the family's blame. All of the families problems were supposed to be solved by the adopted child and now new problems and conflict are additionally difficult as the parents are particularly troubled by the death of their expectations. The adoptive mother begins to resent the child's needs and ignores the child's cries. With each unrealized dream of good fortune mother's the depression takes center stage. The adoptive mother regrets the adoption and wants her freedom back. She begins to slip back into old habits and focuses on her own wants and desires to be fulfilled. Babysitters frequent the home as the parents enjoy their freedom from responsibility. No one "fell In Love" with the adopted child, and the child is the last in line for handouts of attention. When the child enters school the mother is too lazy to get the child to school and hours pass as the child sits in the dark waiting to go home. The mother does not allow the adopted child to act like a child, the child is easily punished, criticized and always the subject of the mother's disgust. The child knows better than to think or feel as the negative reinforcement type of parenting
combined with growing narcissistic behavior in the disinterested mother. The old wives tales, folklore and gossip are relied upon for parent education about raising an adopted child. The mother's broken self image is amplified in the adopted child's expected responses. The child responds correctly or she is beaten. The child is perceived as a liar, thief and illegitimate bastard offspring, so they expect the worse as the child grows older. The child is set apart from the family so the mother can truly enjoy a vacation without having to expend her energy punishing the child. The parents rarely speak to the child due to the constant punishments the child is deserving of. When the family is together quietly watching TV, the adopted child is sent to bed to prevent the family's annoyance by the child. If the family is gathered the child is sent away, to the room, to bed. The child does not know how to engage and can't sit quiet so the family members prefer the child to leave the room and stop acting like an annoying child. The child has no value in the family, nothing to contribute, nothing of interest to say. The family avoids interaction the child. The shared view of the family is that the child is annoying and interferes with family cohesion. Because the child is avoided and punished when in the room while the family is relaxing the child is often the family's point of blame, and scapegoat for serious family related problems. The child lives in fear of punishment and would never talk back or defend themselves verbally.
The parents constantly use the old wives tale phrases: "speak when spoken to", "Do as I say, Not as I do". In constant failure at school when the teacher requests a conference with the parents the child is prematurely punished as the predictable outcome will be failing in school. Punishment for causing stress, fear, annoyance
or making demands of the mother's time. All child maltreatment is deserved and rationalized through the mother's thought processes. The mother's constant belittling, nagging, nit-picking in the form of negative projections at the child are accepted without "bad attitude"of the adopted child.
The mother says things like: the child "Is Lazy","not right" "Procrastinates" "she can't finish anything she starts" "she is a spoiled brat"..."And no body likes a spoiled brat" The mother goes on drunken rages at the child, calling her a horror, a slut and in general tries to verbally ruin the child without drawing attention to herself as the child acts like she would prefer to be beaten.
The mothers fear based childhood and childhood abuse fuels over-reactions reactions to ordinary child behavior which will not be tolerated. No age related rites of passage are observed as the mother sees the child at a single young age.
The child is expected to accept and be what the parents vision, although the visions are unrealistic of a bygone era, domestic violence, the mental and physical restraints have kept the child from normal psychological development. The child will emerge into the world with an extreme problem of repressed childhood emotions. There will be signs of the anger like the tip of an iceberg peeking out.
18 years of held in hostility will begin eating away the stomach in the form of ulcers. When a person has learned by force to repress their emotions for decades or longer the act becomes a normal behavior where the person no longer responds to grief, happiness, anger, jealousy, Commonly known as sociopath.
At the sociopath level of functioning has no reverse.