Adoptive Parent's Projective Identification on Adoptive Child
Not only do the adoptive parents dominate and control adopted children but forcefully project their flaws on the already damaged psyche of an adopted child. The adopted child seems to be the dumping site for all the adoptive parent's consequences of negative life choices., The sole reason the parent is depleted of energy, and the generation of anger and frustration is only generated by the adopted child.
Now we add to the weight of the adopted child's responsibility to the adoption's contractual agreement, In which the child has not agreed to or included as an equal party to the parent's desired adventures in non-traditional parenting of non biological offspring)
in addition to being expected to be "grateful for being saved from his own life", the adoptee is to accept the negative projections of faults from the adoptive parents and act out the drama in order to relieve the suffering of the adoptive parent's fragile ego, and adapt into themselves the projections of the adoptive parent's negative ego, identity and personality traits.
Example: The adoptive mother is shy, she criticizes the adoptive child for being shy. The adopted child is NOT shy, Now the adoptive child is expected to act shy and become a shy personality. The job of the adopted child is to please and ease the nervous anxiety from the adoptive mother's shyness. When the adopted child fails to accept, acknowledge or conform to the genetic ques or signals, the adoptive mother feels slighted by the non-conforming adopted child who is being difficult, rebelling and making life unbearable to the adoptive mother's self esteem tranquility. Although the biological child will receive the genetic signals and words projected on him to engage the mother in her needed feelings of superiority after she gave the biological child the shyness and he engaged with the mother in the projective dance of who is worse?
Projective identification is a term introduced by Melanie Klien to describe the process whereby in a close relationship, as between mother and child, lovers, or therapist and patient, parts of the self may in unconscious fantasy be thought of as being forced into the other person.