About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Adoptive Parent's Projective Identification On Adopted Child


Adoptive Parent's Projective Identification on Adoptive Child

Not only do the adoptive parents dominate and control adopted children but forcefully project their flaws on the already damaged psyche of an adopted child. The adopted child seems to be the dumping site for all the adoptive parent's consequences of negative life choices., The sole reason the parent is depleted of energy, and the generation of anger and frustration is only generated by the adopted child.
Now we add to the weight of the adopted child's responsibility to the adoption's contractual agreement, In which the child has not agreed to or included as an equal party to the parent's desired adventures in non-traditional parenting of non biological offspring)
in addition to being expected to be "grateful for being saved from his own life", the adoptee is to accept the negative projections of faults from the adoptive parents and act out the drama in order to relieve the suffering of the adoptive parent's fragile ego, and adapt into themselves the projections of the adoptive parent's negative ego, identity and personality traits.

Example: The adoptive mother is shy, she criticizes the adoptive child for being shy. The adopted child is NOT shy, Now the adoptive child is expected to act shy and become a shy personality. The job of the adopted child is to please and ease the nervous anxiety from the adoptive mother's shyness. When the adopted child fails to accept, acknowledge or conform to the genetic ques or signals, the adoptive mother feels slighted by the non-conforming adopted child who is being difficult, rebelling and making life unbearable to the adoptive mother's self esteem tranquility. Although the biological child will receive the genetic signals and words projected on him to engage the mother in her needed feelings of superiority after she gave the biological child the shyness and he engaged with the mother in the projective dance of who is worse?

 Projective identification is a term introduced by Melanie Klien to describe the process whereby in a close relationship, as between mother and child, lovers, or therapist and patient, parts of the self may in unconscious fantasy be thought of as being forced into the other person.
While based on Freud's concept of psychological projection projective identification represents a step beyond. In R.D. Laing's words, 
“The one person does not use the other merely as a hook to hang projections on. 
He strives to find in the other, or to induce the other to become, the very embodiment of projection”. 
Feelings which can not be consciously accessed are defensively projected into another person in order to evoke the thoughts or feelings projected.

Though a difficult concept for the conscious mind to come to terms with, since its primitive nature makes its operation or interpretation seem more like magic or art than science, projective identification is nonetheless a powerful tool of interpersonal communication.
The recipient of the projection may suffer a loss of both identity and insight as they are caught up in and manipulated by the other person's fantasy. One therapist, for example, describes how "I felt the progressive extrusion of his internalised mother into me, not as a theoretical construct but in actual experience. The intonation of my voice altered, became higher with the distinctly Ur-mutter quality." If the projection can be accepted and understood, however, much insight into the projector will be obtained.
Projective identification differs from simple projection in that projective identification can become a self fulfilling prophecy, whereby a person, believing something false about another, influences or coerces that other person to carry out that precise projection. In extreme cases, the recipient may lose any sense of their real self and become reduced to the passive carriers of outside projections, as if possessed by them.

Objects projected

The objects (feelings, attitudes) extruded in projective identification are of various kinds – both good and bad, ideal and abjected.
Hope may be projected by a client into their therapist, when they can no longer consciously feel it themselves; equally, it m

Hope may be projected by a client into their therapist, when they can no longer consciously feel it themselves; equally, it may be a fear of (psychic) dying which is projected.
Aggression may be projected, leaving the projector's personality diminished and reduced; alternatively it may be desire, leaving the projector feeling asexual.
The good/ideal parts of the personality may be projected, leading to dependence upon the object of identification; eqaully it may be jealousy or envy that are projected, perhaps by the therapist into the client.


Projective identification may take place with varying degrees of intensity.
In narcissism extremely powerful projections may take place and obliterate the distinction between self and other.
In less disturbed personalities, projective identification is not only a way of getting rid of feelings but also of getting help with them.
In an emotionally balanced person, projective identification may act as a bridge to empathy and intuitive understanding.


Various types of projective identification have been distinguished over the years.
Acquisitive projective identification, where someone takes on the attributes of someone else. Unlike attributive projective identification, where someone else is induced to become one's own projection.
A division has also been made between normal projective identification and pathological projective identification, where what is projected is splintered into minute pieces before the projection takes place.
Projective identification may be used as a type of defense, a means of communicating, a primitive form of relationship, or a route to psychological change. used for ridding the self of unwanted parts or for controlling the other's body and mind.

In psychotherapy

As with transference and counter-transferrance , projective identification can be a potential key to therapeutic understanding, especially where the therapist is able to tolerate and contain the unwanted, negative aspects of the patient's self over time.
Transaction analysis emphasises the need for the therapist's Adult to remain uncontaminated, if the experience of the client's projective identification is to be usefully understood.

Wounded couple

Relationship problems have been linked to the way there can be a division of emotional labour in a couple, by way of projective identification, with one partner carrying projected aspects of the other for them.[27] Thus one partner may carry all the aggression or all the competence in the relationship, the other all the vulnerability.[28]
Jungians describe the resultant dynamics as characterising a so-called “wounded couple” - projective identification ensuring that each carries the most ideal or the most primitive parts of their counterpart. The two partners may initially have been singled out for that very readiness to carry parts of each other's self; but the projected inner conflicts/division then come to be replicated in the partnership itself.
Conscious resistance to such projective identification may produce on the one side guilt for refusing to enact the projection,  on the other bitter rage at the thwarting of the projection.