The Forced Bond of Adopted Children
The conditioned adopted child is disregarded as a potential adult and unique individual. The adoptive parents behavior and dialog
of negative reinforcement reflect to the adopted child that they do not value, not respect and do not make the commitment of parental investment in raising the non-biological child. Through the course of negative reinforcement the child learns that their role is to please, provide parental support and suppress all emotions. As the child's problems will not and are not to be tolerated. The adopted child is often threatened with being returned for a new, better and more appreciative model of an adopted child. The parent's threat of replacing the child, creates in the child the perpetual fear of loosing the abusive, substandard narcissistic dysfunctional home. The child sees his life as temporary and with the constant nagging about being a failure, a mistake and accident, is aware that he will eventually miss the mark and be sent to prison for children to live in a torturous dungeon forever.
Living in fear of parental abandonment but more fear of the punishment of banishment. In many children raised in the domination environment, the threats have a far more serious impact than the act of being beaten by a belt. The parent's daily threats of what will happen if..."you get into trouble".
Twice a year the looming "parent teacher" conference causes the child anxiety weeks prior to this horror of the teacher parent over-all consensus that the child is bad. A bad student, a bad learner bad math bad reader and a general bad seed waste of a desk in her classroom. The teacher's expected condemnation will anger the parent to a rage from the parent's embarrassment. The child standing outside of the teacher conference begins to shake with anxiety as the parent's behavior pattern plays out.
As the child grows older the focus of anxiety will be hoping that the parent is out of the school parking lot before she begins to slap the child's head off, in desperation the child hopes that no one can see or hear mother screaming or hitting the stupid child in the car.
The Tables Turn
The abused adoptee now a parent, goes to the parent teacher conference, quite a different story from childhood...If the teacher dare say anything negative about her child, the teacher will be reminded that is her job to teach, and quit sending all the schoolwork home that is the teacher's job. My child needs to relax after a hard day at school. Any criticisms about the child's conduct are met by the child's "bouncer" mom who will out wit,
argue the principles of being a child. The teacher's chronic complaint about the child's talking, talking out of turn, not following rules, breaking the rules, etc.... Are met with the bouncer-mom backing up her child no matter the circumstances.
My favorite teacher scolding is that "I am raising a leader, not a follower", My child will challenge all unjust rules, challenge tests that marginalize and label children's potential, Teacher favorites and foes, As in society a teacher who sinks to the level of disliking certain children while favoring others. A teacher may dislike a child because she sees her own flaws in that child. Get over it lady and do your job like a grown up, these kids will someday run our country and they will remember those who tormented them.
Because I had the advantage of psychological counselling, I was very aware of child abuse and maltreatment. The counselling focus during my children's early years was to support their interests, creating trust by always telling my child the truth, and above all not to repeat the abuse patterns of my mother, and not let her destroy a second generation of children through the abuse of her own.
Psychopathy or sociopathy is defined either as an aspect of personality or as a personality disorder. As a personality disorder, it is characterized by enduring antisocial behavior, diminished empathy and remorse, and disinhibited or bold behavior. As an aspect of personality, it represents scores on different dimensions of personality found throughout the population in varying combinations. Definitions of psychopathy have varied significantly throughout history;
Comply or don't get fed,
Be Grateful of the hand that force feeds you.
The parent that force-feeds is not grateful of your vomit.
For it is the same hand
We bite the hand that slaps us!