Saving Adopted Children From Their Own Life
The adoptive mother is lacking the satisfaction in life of bringing their own offspring into the world. Women lacking the ability of procreation brings emotional consequences. The women who are dysfunctional in issues of childbearing create more emotional problems by ignoring the very issues they put center in their life. The real problems emerge when the ignored issues of emotion infertility engage in knee jerk reaction to adoption are acted on. The angry women feels entitled to be a parent and will utilize her financial resources to take someone else's child. It is common for angry infertile women to adopt children without seeking psychological help for the anger that plagues them. The entitlement they feel is not a normal state to begin the lifelong process of adoption, where the adoption relation must be proved on a daily basis and is a conditional dependent relationship. Natural mother-child relationships are unconditional and no one expects a biological child to be grateful or forever indebtedness to the parent for being born. As the biological parent will benefit far longer than the childhood period. Far from normal is the adoptive parent to adoptive child relationship that is not the same type of relationship as a biological parent and child.
The anger that drives infertile women into the adoptive parent situation is the same emotional plague of anger that keeps the adopted child at a distance. The angry infertile adoptive mother
may be temporary satisfied by her ownership of a new infant,
yet her anger at her failure to become pregnant or bring forth a biological child will continue to morph her emotional health.
The adoptive mother will vilify the baby's biological mother
in an attempt to keep herself from feeling guilty. When the child begins to mature into the image of the biological mother and not the image of the adoptive family the adoptive mother's anger grows at the stranger's child. When the child is beginning to ask questions about their origins, is met with strong resistance. As the adopted child grows into adolescence they are plagued by questioning the false information unable to reason with the parental denial of the child's origins. The adolescent begins to question, challenge and seek their own truth. Which is normal of adolescent behavior, especially adoptive children's lack of truth in their adopted life.
The vilification of the biological parents is how the adoptive parents keep from feeling guilty. Over the years the anger at the biological parents has grown in the minds of the adoptive parents. Whenever the child has caused the adoptive parent stress, the biological parent is blamed. The displacement of infertility anger is placed on the biological mother who was too lazy, too immature, too busy, too slutty, too easy etc. Some immature adoptive parents argue these points in front of the adoptive child, more mature adoptive parents argue these made up rationalizations in private but the anger toward the biological parent has become a self crated delusion, a "rival" to the adoptive parent and a psychological place to send the anger.
The adoptive mother's years of placing anger with herself, infertility, anger at the adoptive child and all the compiled anger to the biological mother in the mind of the adoptive mother.
When the adopted child seeks out the biological parent which is the most basic human drive to seek proximity of the biological parents regardless of what had occurred in the adoption process. The child now adult is forgiving of the past, even with adoptive parent abuse, the child seeks out the biological parent as the lost child seeking his origin. Weather or not a relationship develops with the biological parent matters not. As the child has always had a biological mother and father, and an adopted mother and father. The problem exists as the adoptive parents have made ultimatums against the evil bio parents and are not emotionally stable enough to trust their own parenting, and if they were abusive they do not trust their parenting. The villain
biological mother has no problem with infertility, and has given the adoptive parent an amazing 18 years of a child. She has shared herself beyond all acts of sharing with the defective mother. But the adoptive mother resents her with hatred because of the bond of mother and child still exists strong throughout time and consequences. All adoptive children possess this bond with their biological parents. It is the adoptive parent that can not share the child with the other parent, although the child is an adult maybe forty years old, the adoptive mother can not stand the reality or the truth.