Adopted Child's Confusion Lies and Conflict with Knowledge
The Lying parent is a universal truth in the culture of the United States. Worse is the adoptive parent who's knee jerk reaction to call the adopted child a liar, taught by the parent. Adoptive parents of infants enjoy a conflict free eight to ten years of lying to their conditioned compliant adopted child. The parent teaches the child to lie to everyone, everyday by the parent's common
lying to benefit himself. The lies told to children is a serious violation of the child's trust. Yet the adopted child is heavily burdened with the specific lies about his own identity, origin.
The parents own perception of the child's inclusion within the substitute family is a lie the parent tells to himself so frequently that the parent believes it. It is satisfactory for parents to lie in public, lie to authority figures, to the IRS, and to their children.
Parents lie so often that the lying causes them memory problems, as the parent believes the lies and fabrications they tell others. When we ad the alcohol factor to the average lying parent there is absolutely no way they remember or gauge what they said or what they did unless witnessed by someone unimpaired. This population of narcissistic stupid drunks make the best psychological child abusers just by being themselves.
Lies and the adopted child
The cabbage patch kids suffer under too many social norms of parent long aspired desires for their child's perfection. Which is an unrealistic expectation. Narcissistic mothers tell their children how things should be done in a perfect world, although the mother, the adopted child and the world all are failures when put next to her bizarre standards. Example Mother tells the daughter after being kicked out of the home (living in her car) on several occasions that when a man decides to marry her, he should talk to her father. The reality is that the parents did not value the child enough to put effort toward consistency as the child was growing up. Yet the parents expect the rewards of good parenting when they were too lazy or off satisfying their own needs instead of parenting the child. The parents do not respect the child, the child fears the parents, has no self value.
the only people she will attract is other social outcasts. This behavior has been taught to the child by her parents. yet the parents expect prize winning results but the only result they can count on is depression, worthlessness, self hatred and suicide attempts.
The lies we tell and what we say is all being recorded in the mind of the child. Things said in anger are the most remembered thing we say.
The quagmire of the Telling and living the lie of adoption.
Telling the child that he is adopted is usually done before the child has a firm understanding of what adoption means. The child's comprehension of the definition adoption and what adoption means to the adopted child is a gradual cognitive process taking time and years to understand. Sometimes this
process to understand how the word adoption affects the adopted child is not fully understood until adulthood where cognitive development allows the understanding and manipulation of processing of complex action, reactions and problem solving.
The child is forced to continue, participate and perpetuate the lie and untruth of the child's fraudulent adoptive name, beyond the period of cognitive understanding of adoption.
The child can now acknowledge that he is an adopted child, and that he was named by his biological mother at his birth.
The adopted child realizes that before his adoption, he had a name, a mother, a father and this secret information can be found on his original birth certificate. The secrets contained in his birth certificate hold the answers to the adopted child's real identity. This reality to the adopted child causes a mental conflict
and the realization of understanding that information is missing,
and being intentionally kept away from the child causes perpetual anxiety about his true identity, his missing identity.
reinforcing the lies told to the child
- Lies: making up information or giving information that is the opposite or very different from the truth.
- Equivocations: making an indirect, ambiguous, or contradictory statement.
- Concealment: omitting information that is important or relevant to the given context, or engaging in behavior that helps hide relevant information.
- Exaggerations: overstatement or stretching the truth to a degree.
- Understatement: minimization or downplaying aspects of the truth.
- Child-focused motives: using deception to avoid hurting the child, to help the child to enhance or maintain his/her self esteem, to avoid worrying the child, and to protect the child's relationship with a third party. Child-motivated deception can sometimes be viewed as socially polite and relational benefit.
- Self-focused motives, Narcissistic Motives: using deception to enhance or boost their own self image, wanting to shield themselves from shame, anger, embarrassment, or criticism. Self-focused deception is generally perceived as a more serious transgression than child-focused deception because the deceiver is acting for selfish reasons rather than for the good of the parent child relationship.
- Relationship-focused motives: using deception to limit relationship harm by avoiding conflict or relational trauma. Relational motivated deception can be beneficial to a relationship, and other times it can be harmful by further complicating matters, perpetuating a lie.