About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Rayne Wolf's List of Self Protective and Inspirational Words

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Quotes to help sustain mental awareness of cruel mothers

Toxic Adoptive Mother Link to author's page

http://www.8womendream.com/15108/healing-affirmations-for-daughters-of-toxic-mothers
__________________________________________________
1. My toxic mother won’t kill me. If she could, she would have already.
2. Any guilt I feel regarding my toxic mother was planted, watered and tended by my mother.
3. If my toxic mother were a co-worker or neighbor and I moved away, I’d never visit her again.
4. Family secrets instill guilt and shame. Are you being paid to keep family secrets? It’s not my job to keep family secrets.


5. If I hear my mother’s voice in my head belittling me, I will tell her out loud that she’s wrong. It’s okay.
8. 5 ways to say no to my toxic mother:
A. No, I won’t be doing that.
B. No, don’t count on my being there.
C. No, I’m done subjecting myself to your drama.
D. No, I choose not to accept the stress.
E. No, I have more positive things to do.
9. I can tell my toxic mother that as I’ve grown into a woman (or man) I’ve developed a better understanding of the choices she made. (That should shut her up for a few moments).
10. My toxic mother can only intimidate me if I let her. While she’s busy trying to bully the child me, the adult me can reject her, ignore her, correct her, or report her to authorities.
11. I will amuse myself to avoid getting sucked in to her games. I will keep an egg timer, a pad and paper by the phone. I will tally the lies, the guilt trips and the demands she can make in 3 minutes. Then I will hang up
13. Repeat after me: My toxic mother does not live in my head. She lives in her head.
14. When relatives and friends say they can’t understand how I can treat my mother the way I do, I’ll consider telling them the truth.
15. I know that a toxic mother is an unnatural disaster.
16. I can laugh or I can cry. I will laugh. It’ll annoy the hell out of my toxic mother.
17. I will never hand my toxic “mom bomb” the match.
18. On Mother’s Day and other family holidays I will focus on the positive women (and men) in my life. I will thank them for their caring, kindness and encouragement.
19. The cruel rule of RSVP is that the one person you hope will decline always comes. I promise to never actually extend an invitation to an event at which I’d hate to see my toxic mother.
21. I will give my toxic mother the one gift she never gave me: the truth.
22. I will not let my toxic mother rob me of rich friendships with women who on the surface remind me of her. (What are the odds your mother had an even more evil twin?).
23. Remember what my dad said: nobody can resist a joyous womanI chose to remain joyous in spite of my mother.
24. I am open to consider that my toxic mother may have been treated even more badly as a child than I was. (This thought could keep you from throwing something).
25. I know there is no dishonor in retreat. I know that refusing to join in battle is a small victory when it comes to toxic mothers.
28. I will stare down my toxic mom fears until they fear me more.
29. That which is most personal is most universal. I know people will understand if I simply say, “My mother is not a nice person, but I am.”
30. Whose little girl am I? I can be my own little girl. I can care for and nurture her myself.
It is my sincerest hop that these healing affirmations help you in dealing with your toxic mother.
Rayne
Rayne Wolfe’s dream is to write her first book Confessions of an Undutiful Daughter . She completed her dream journey May on 8WD after a year living her dream. You can find her at Toxic Mom Toolkit on Facebook. Her book on toxic mothers is about to be published.  We will feature it here just as soon as it is available.





 

Abusive Adoptive Mothers

ADOPTEE RAGE!

The Abusive Adoptive Mother
__________________________________________________

A women adopting is the final conciliation when reproduction attempts have failed, and all options have been exhausted..
The second best is not the first choice considering the intentional infliction of lifelong psychological trauma (of a child) that adoption is responsible for and the cause of.
Men do not think about adopting children or taking other people's offspring to raise as their own, only women possess this degree of selfishness and want. The husband is along for the ride of the wife's latest temporary fixation. Until her wants and desires become intolerable the husband will endure to the extent of his patients, sex and compensated finances. The differences  in male female relationships is the man's awareness of the impermanence of the female's fleeting desires. The new common and present day problem for adopted children, Is the adoptive parent's change of mind and resale over the internet. It Is really the mother who is no longer having fun playing house with someone else's offspring, and the father was just going along with what his wife wanted in the first place to keep her happy.
When the wife becomes unhappy everyone will suffer by her misery. When the mother is too proud to admit defeat and resell her adoptive child, she will always endure. The child will be broken like a horse, strapped, saddled and domesticated.

Selfish Adoptive Mothers are cruel, cunning and mentally torturous. As the adoptive child is a constant reminder of her reproductive failure, bad choices, lazy parenting skills, submission or defiance. The child doesn't stay in their box when she is done with them. The social, school or police system could potentially interfere in her family life witch is intrusive and to her feels like black-mail. The child gaining independence with age could potentially embarrass or defy her, which leaves her with uneasy feelings. Worse the child could turn on her, becoming increasingly ungrateful and expose
the abuse and truth of her defectiveness as a mother.
_________________________________________________

Link: www.understandingchildabuse.com/abusive_mother

The Characteristics Of Abusive Adoptive Mothers



    • Constant criticism, no help or advice.
    • Always dominating the conversation.
    • The need to have the last word to ensure control.
    • Threats of physical violence, slapping the child's face.
    • Using force as an act of degrading to keep the child in his place.
    • Threats of rejection "We will send you back to the county adoption agency"
    •                                          "There are many nice girls who would take your place".
    • Threats of abandonment "You can be replaced".  
    • Placing guilt on to the child (emotional blackmail) "You cause me shame".
    • Incapable of feeling guilt  "Adopting you was a big mistake".
    • Blaming the child (it’s your fault, if it weren’t for you…)
    • Using rewards and punishment as a tool of manipulation "Someday you...".

    • Use gifts as a tool of manipulation 

    • Invading privacy, Reading diary, listening to phone calls. 

    • Refusing to give privacy appropriate for the child’s age and development.

    • Silent treatment (ignoring) As tactical punishment.

      • Not acknowledging their child’s talents skills and abilities

      • Actually feeling jealousy of a child's accomplishment.                             

      • Refusing to acknowledge any accomplishment such as sport or academic achievements "You are expected to achieve a level of value". 

      • Refusing to apologize for humiliating child in public. "You deserved it".
      • ‘You own me’ mentality….I feed you, clothe you, put a roof over your head

      • Say negative things and gossip to relatives and friends about the child.
      •                        "She got her period", "She got into trouble again". 

      • Embarrass their children on a regular basis. "The gynecologist says"

      • Demand unconditional love and allegiance without reciprocating.
      •  
      • Demand respect but do not give respect.

      • “I’m always right” (and never wrong) mentally, child is always wrong.

      • Sense of entitlement.

      • Treat other siblings or other children kindly to reinforce that you don’t deserve to be loved, treated kindly or respected, "
      • "You deserved it because you are bad and always causing me headaches"
    ______________________________________________________














      Tuesday, October 22, 2013

      Monday, October 21, 2013

      Insights From Estranged Adult Children

      ADOPTEE RAGE!

      Insights From The Estranged Adult Child

      In researching Adult Estrangement, so many of the blogs have
      the same theme of the "Innocent Parent" picking apart every
      family member whom is estranged from them, and wonders why?  Go Figure!
      If you are cut off from someone, there is a serious problem & reason. Do not always expect that you are the innocent one.
      _________________________________________________
      REMEMBER Every relationship has two people, each making up 50% of the relationship.

      _________________________________________________

      The People searching the topic words "estrangement"
      means they are searching for answers about why or what has happen. People who are searching for answers should be open to the possibilities of what could be wrong of there own conduct.
      The honesty of looking at what went wrong is answered by taking a real truthful look at yourself. That is where the answer lies.

      To be banished......Means the person does not want you in their                             life. To know about your life, and they do                                   not want you to have an opinion, presence
                                  or notice in their life.
      To Accept the banishment....Is the adult thing to do. Grieve and
                                Leave in silence as to not make more a fool                               of yourself.Leave quietly dignified.Stay Gone.
                                There is no miss-communication, you blew it.
                                Give yourself time to come to terms with this.

      This is a serious blow to the ego, a heart brake, and it hurts terribly to be broken from someone you love, and is true suffering to grieve silently by yourself.
      __________________________________________________
      BIG MISTAKES TO MAKE IT WORSE!

      DO NOT Call in to radio shows and give half the story.

      DO NOT Go On Online Forums and sing your tale of Woah!
                   The Online forums I have looked at seems to be for the
                   airing of your dirty laundry, Telling your life story about
                   the lazy, arrogant and stupid adult children who have
                   banished you because you can't keep your big mouth
                   shut about your interference, control and domination.
      DO NOT Go around asking everyone you know to get involved.
                   Like most controlling and manipulating mothers, you're
                   lack of self control with any problem becomes the soap
                   box where you stand to complain about others.
      REMEMBER A Mother who gossips about the family members,                  gossips about each child, In defiance of their privacy
                   wishes and needs for privacy, and stomps boundary.
      BOUNDARY A mother doesn't get it or outwardly refuses to accept the child's need for autonomy.

      At 30 years old, I declared a boundary "Call before you come". She was immediately hostile, stomped on my boundary., She showed up screaming and flipping me off from the car, peeled out of my driveway screaming as the lunatic she is.

      To intervene on my behalf she will sell me out. Make threatening and stupid demands that we will ignore. Dominating mothers need to Get over yourself, your bad behavior is why we don't talk to you.
      STOP Saying "I don't know what I did" You do know and should be ashamed of your arrogance. "But I'm just a little old lady"
      Does not give you a pass to go on like you always have.

      The banishment is from your bad behavior. You should not force
      the last word down your remaining friends and family, as convincing them that you are a quality person is not the their  problem. Don't make your problems the problems of others.
      Get psychological help Dominating Mother, Dig deep and reorient yourself with your behavior from raising your children. The children live daily with everything you said and did in their childhood. Familiarize yourself with your past and the truth of why the kids don't talk to you will come full circle, front and center in your face. Then you will know and will become humble.

      Wednesday, October 16, 2013

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      Thursday, October 10, 2013

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      Tuesday, October 8, 2013

      New Standards, Fields of Adoption Study, Practice and Application of New Adoption Law

      ADOPTEE RAGE!

      The Expanding World Of Adoptee Rights, Beyond the Adoption Industry and Future Scientific Study and Practice.  _________________________________________________

      The run-a-muck adoption practices have grown a thriving U.S.
      Adoption Industry 10 Billion and growing.
      Laws, practices and behaviors must evolve.
      New Industries have risen and black market traffic thriving
      not taxed, untapped and under the radar due to it's phony guise of saving children. We must call it by it's name Buying Children.

      #1)The History of Adoption is Infantile, Continues to grow.

      #2) Science of Adoption: Genetics, Behavior, application.
      A) Scientific Adoption Studies  (Legitimate, Controlled)
      B) Reflecting Practices in Public sector, Social Service, etc.

      #3) Science of Adoption Psychology
      A) Psychotherapy Education Standards for therapists.
      B) Psychotherapy Qualified Therapy for Adopted children.
      C) Psychotherapy for adult Adoptees
      D) Psychotherapy for Biological Mothers
      E) Psychotherapy for Biological Fathers
      F) Psychotherapy for Adoption Reunion
      G)Psychotherapy for Adopting Mothers
      H)Psychotherapy for Adopting Fathers
      I) Psychotherapy for Post Adoption Reunion
      J) Psychotherapist Assignment to adopted child

      #4) Adoption Law (In it's infantile stages)
      A) State Laws
      B) Federal Laws
      C) Constitutional Laws
      D) Protections, Liabilities and Compensation Laws
      E) Adoption Tracking & Child Trafficking
      F) Attorney Representing Adopted Child

      #5) The U.S. Gov. Authority of Adoption Data-Base
      A) Connecting Dept. State, Federal, IRS, Immigration, etc.
      B) International Adoption Agency connections to all countries.
      C) Est. Dept. Adoption Immigration
      D) Est. Dept. Adoption IRS.
      E) Est. Dept. Adoptions District Attorney
      F) Est. Dept. Adoptions Psychological Assignment                  
      G) Est. Dept. Investigations child trafficking
      H) Est. Dept. Cyber Investigations Child trafficking

      As Increased advantage is taken of lack of laws,policy.
      American citizens interfering in foreign government policy
      through international adoptions and selfish returns.
      Due to the lack of domestic adoptions and the flurishing
      free trade of foreign children in international adoptions,
       The U.S. must impose sanctions on the baby buying business and tax it.




      Friday, October 4, 2013

      Insights From The Bastard

      ADOPTEE RAGE!

       Adoptees As Parents Utilizing Only Primal Protective Urges

      How to Teach When In Denial Of Own Childhood?
      How to parent, when we were not parented?
      How To Mother, when We Were Not Mothered?
      _________________________________________________
      The Older Female Community Member's Harmful Intentions
      In my pregnancy I learned to stay far away from those lame Old Wives. Dishonorably Armed their tales of horror to instill in me FEAR still abide. Not in support, nor teach or guide, there intentions for me to strike fear inside...but why?
      The old wives too treated me different, not worthy of their acceptance. The fact that I am a bastard born Adoptee follows me throughout my life. In the community I grew up I will never loose this deplorable label of ADOPTION. I will never be valid here as long as I live.
      __________________________________________________
      These Breasts are engorged and pouring down on the floor.
      These breasts have no connection to my my newborn baby,
      I have no natural urge to feed her., Just the severing pain that purges through my body rendering me motionless. When she cries I nervously reach for the formula bottle to calm her. I know no maternal instinct, nothing, except to protect her from the Adopters who would steal her in plain sight, or like a thief in the night They do not think me worthy of my own child. As I was born a bastard.
      __________________________________________________

      Like the Survivors of Slavery and the Hulicost, We live in a parallel plane of existence outside the reality of mainstream living. If we do not continue the "facade of Grateful Adopted child" The community has no use or tolerance for us. When we grow up, get married and have children of our own, we are disrupting the natural order, as our place is only to be the purchased child, the only reason we are here.

      We are so broken in our mental wellness and have nothing to give ourselves. We feel and use these natural protection instincts against adopters wanting our second generation of genetic-less children. We suffer in our own private hell of Adoptioned Childhood injustice of silence. 

      Wednesday, October 2, 2013

      Adoption Registries Benefit With Siblings, Aunts Uncles & Grandparents

      ADOPTEE RAGE!

      What Good Can Come From Adoption Registry? "A Sister!"
      Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents Worth More than Bio Parents.
      __________________________________________________

      The irony of Adoption reunions is the fabulously unexpected!
      When I resumed my search I certainly was not looking for more people to try to control me and I was not specifically looking for my biological mother. Due to my upbringing the word Mother brings to mind feelings of anxiety, rage and to quickly run-away
      from Mother-F*X*X*!. To many Adoptees the word mother is not attached to phrases like nurturing, unconditional love, or
      the lady to beware of. I was ignorantly seeking to know who I am and not mentally prepared for what I found, the answers.
      The answers (good, bad or indifferent) take time to process,
      swallow and digest. Through someone my biological mother was gossiping to, was my sister's godparent. Who promptly sent her my email and she contacted me. Our first attempt was a disaster
      or so I thought. It was a normal process for my sibling to come to terms on different stories being told in her youth. A ghost being held hostage in a marriage and point of contention between new wife and husband's other child. The Beauty of my sibling is truthful cohesion and the third party's ability to see through what lies the biological parents are covering up.

      Because of the adoption separation, biological parents do not see the adult children as a second chance, they see us as:
      #1) The Enemy who can publicly humiliate and ruin the image
      of the upstanding citizen.
      #2) The Moral police who has come to punish them for the crimes of child abandonment.
      #3) An Adult friend to impress upon and fill their heads with the wonderful traits of the biological parent, tell dirty jokes..YUK!
      #4) An Opportunity for the old man or women to get out of the self made rut that comes with age.
      #5) An Ignorant stupid, gullible adult that will believe anything.
      #6) The Truth Seeker to ruin all effort to cover up the birth.
      I have had the privilege of both swings of the pendulum with my biological parents #1) The upstanding Christian citizen and #2) the Opportunistic-Slacker Pinocchio. Both tell lies to impress me,
      lie to themselves and both tell easily caught lies, Neither can be trusted but they are not the single responsibility for the adoptee, It is the entire family. The Siblings, Aunts, Uncles and cousins who become the trusted, the truth authority and the one to lean on when times are tough. Which is the reality of most families, a child bonds with one family member outside of the parent. My biological Family grounding is my mother's sister, My very own sister, and my father's brother. These are the ones that I feel at ease, unconditional love and trust. The task of filling in the blanks for an adoptee's absent life in a family, the extended family is who can be counted on for such a relationship that is based on truth and mutual respect. As the extended family member's life is not tarnished by adoption based guilt.


      Tuesday, October 1, 2013

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