Adoptee Rage! This blog is written exclusively for the 38% of Abused and Neglected Adopted Children. The U.S. HHSA Identifies #1 Risk: Maltreatment, Child Abuse and Risk for Death In Adopted children. Childhood domination, Coping compensation. Research in Adoption Psychology, Developmental Trauma"The Adoption Paradox". By Rainstorm Red-Smith
About Adoptee Rage
Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
The Narcissistic Adoptive Mother Is A Bad Mother
The Insulting of the Narcissist Mother
An insult is an expression, statement (or sometimes behavior) which is considered degrading, offensive and impolite. Insults (sometimes called "cracks" "remarks" or one-liners) may be intentional or accidental. An insult may be factual, but at the same time pejorative, such as the word "inbred".
Narcissist Adoptive Mother
A psychologically injured child grows into a narcissist as they grow up and
before becoming a parent. The women's psychological injuries in adulthood from infertility cause seedling narcissist a narcissistic scar. The psychological trauma of stillbirth or child death lead a seedling narcissist into a raging narcissist machine who has been shamed by god. The common fix for these narcissistic women is to quickly adopt a replacement child. The adopted child becomes a daily reminder of the narcissist's injury, a great source of disappointment and blame as the narcissist parent grows bored of them.
"Narcissistic mothers" give rise to either narcissistic children or codependent child scapegoats. Because of the narcissist mother's inability to engage emotionally with their children's needs." Narcissistic parents likely went through some form of emotional or psychological neglect in their own childhoods, they choose to treat the child with the same maltreatment that they received and become the masters of.
The narcissist mother refuses to place her children's needs and interests ahead of their own desire but does use her energy to control and dominate the child .
Adopted children perceived as more difficult and stubborn to parent, the narcissist can exert her narcissistic rage in efforts to brake the child's will as a task worthy of community praise and rewards. The golden child will copy the narcissist's behavior to gain her praise and defend against being supportive of others in the house. They observe how the selfish parents get his needs met by others. They learn how manipulation and using guilt gets the parent what he or she wants. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to get their way. These children grow up to be Narcissistic themselves (the golden child).
The sensitive, guilt-ridden adopted child in the family learn to meet the parent’s needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. The child’s normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent’s “love.” Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest. Their aggressive impulses and rage become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children begin with compromised definitions of self to begin and develop a false self as defense mechanism and become codependent in relationships. The child's unconscious denial of their their "three self's", The original real self, the second self and the "adopted child" self, perpetuates a cycle self-hatred, fearing any reminder of their authentic self. Post adoption reunion these children try to juggle the three personalities. (and) Post ostracized from the narcissist adoptive mother the adoptee will abandon the adopted self personality and any reminder of the forced personality. And struggle to maintain who I am at this particular point in time, having to previous live by force of three separate identities, Ego's and personalities to please three different sets of rules, values and pet peeves. The problem with the adoptive child's three identities, is the fact that each separate identity spills out at inappropriate times. The three identities that cause problems for the adoptee is not due to the inappropriate spilling, but for the adoptee none of the three identities are genuine or real. The adoptee did not have the psychological help to actually engage in the physical construction of an authentic, sincere and honest formulation of the real self...It is yet to be defined and thus the efforts, research education and writing of this blog.
Continued Behaviors, Habits and Characteristics of Adoptive Narcissistic Mothers
Adoptive narcissistic mothers are hyper-sensitive and perceive insults even when none are intended. This wounds their ‘false’ self. As the bearer of insults, you deserve to be punished, even annihilated if the perceived insult is bad enough.
Narcissistic adoptive mothers experience a heightened sense of insult, injury and will instinctively lash out with intolerant rage at their 'object' or perceived (whipping-boy) adopted child. The inflated sense of self importance, superiority and expectations of royalty treatment. Which is quite different than the way the narcissist adoptive mother's treatment of others. The narcissistic adoptive mother's game of devaluing the adoptive child, because the child can not fight back, will not fight back and is at her disposal to humiliate, abuse and neglect without recourse.If the narcissistic adoptive mother were to abuse another adult there may be consequences, so she chooses her silent partner that is smaller than her to invest her efforts where the payoff will last a lifetime; and grooms the adoptive child for silent service to her needs. Any deviation from the adoptive child relationship is viewed as insult, crime against the narcissist's safety and actions of formal disowning.
The central tenet of narcissistic personality disorder is that everything and everyone exists to construct and maintain her flawless self image. Any criticism or inference that she is anything less than a Good Mother has to be denied. Any strong feeling that does not fit with the construct – self loathing, rivalry with her daughter for Daddy’s attention, rejection, resentment, guilt, shame – has to be displaced. Projection becomes the primary weapon of self defense.That’s when the scapegoating begins.