About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

"The Conditional Love of Duty" by the Narcissistic Adoptive Parent

The Narcissistic Adoptive Mother's "Conditional Love of Duty"

To the narcissist adoptive mother, her new possession of an adoptive child will cause her temporary satisfaction.            When the narcissistic adoptive mother grows bored of the    new adoptive child, she will discard the child away with           all of the other possessions that caused her fleeting momentary happiness. The impermanence of an adoptive children are well suited to the narcissist personality that knows their own habits.
For the narcissist adoptive mother that lives in denial, giving back the unwanted child is not a possibility, as the public scrutiny would become unbearable to the prize winning parent.

Conditional Love
Some authors make a distinction between unconditional love and conditional love. In conditional love: love is 'earned' on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the adoptive child, 
whereas in unconditional love, love is "given freely" to the biological child who
is unconditionally loved by his mother "no matter what", Loving is primary. 
Conditional love of an adopted child requires some kind of finite exchange, the adoptive child must have something to give the adoptive mother to receive her acceptance, tolerance or approval.
 Whereas unconditional love is seen as infinite and measureless.             Unconditional love should not be mistaken with unconditional dedication:          The Unconditional Dedication to care for an adopted child is conditional.  
The unconditional dedication or "duty" refers to an act of the will irrespective of feelings (e.g. a person may consider they have a duty to care for adopted child); 
Unconditional love is an act of the feelings irrespective of will.
Unconditional love separates the individual from her or his behaviors. However, the individual may exhibit behaviors that are unacceptable in a particular situation. To begin with a simple example: 
#1. A narcissist adopts a puppy. The puppy is cute, playful, and in need of constant care. The owner's heart swells with love for this new family member. Then the puppy urinates on the floor. The owner does becomes angry at the puppy, rubs his nose in the urine and spanks the puppy. The owner needs to modify the behavior to continue to care for the puppy, The conditional love for the puppy is based on the animals ability to learn house training rules or the narcissist will take the puppy to the pound to be killed.                                                        #2. A narcissist adopts a child. The child is cute and in need of constant care, unlike the puppy's active giving of affection, the child is too young to reciprocate. 
The narcissistic adoptive parent's expectation of "instant gratification" from the physical and mental efforts, cause doubt, boredom and indifference in the temporary attention provided by the narcissist.
The chronically needy adoptive infant's care is interpreted by the narcissist as a demands quickly overwhelm the inconsistent attempts to assist. The maternally unstable narcissist feels controlled by the crying baby, which causes the narcissist to loose control of themselves. The narcissist is overburdened by the daily needs of the infant  and the needs are greater than the satisfaction or award of the narcissist's efforts.  The narcissist adoptive parent's toleration of the child, needs and the entire adoptive situation is diminishing the narcissist's self confidence and concept.  

 Love bombing is a narcissistic parents attempt to influence a child by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection that is inconsistent, conditional and used as a part of emotional blackmail. The phrase can be used in different ways. Members of the Unification church (who reportedly coined the expression) use or have used it themselves to mean a genuine expression of friendship, fellowship, interest, or concern. Psychologists use the phrase with the implication that the "love" is feigned and the practice is psychological manipulation. It has also been used to refer to abusers in parent child relationships, showering their victims with praise, gifts, and affection in the early stages of a dysfunctional parent relationship.