About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Relational Transgressionsof Deception Against Adopted Child

Relational Transgressions of Deception Against Adoptive Child

Relational Deception
Deception is a major relational transgression that often leads to feelings of betrayal and distrust between relational partners. Deception violates relational rules and is considered to be a negative violation of expectations. Most people expect friends, relational partners, and even strangers to be truthful most of the time. If people expected most conversations to be untruthful, talking and communicating with others would simply be unproductive and too difficult. On a given day, it is likely that most human beings will either deceive or be deceived by another person. A significant amount of deception occurs between parent, child and relational partners.
Five primary forms of deception consist of the following:
  • Lies: making up information or giving information that is the opposite or very different from the truth.
  • equlvocations: making an indirect, ambiguous, or contradictory statements to confuse the child's awareness of past events or truth. 
  • concealment: omitting information that is important or relevant to the given context, or engaging in behavior that helps hide relevant information.
  • exaggerations: overstatement or stretching the truth to a degree.
  • understatement: minimization or downplaying aspects of the truth.

The Manipulating Adoptive Parent Goals Of Controlling The Adoptive Child.    

 The adoptive child in it's infancy has provided submissive compliance to the demanding substitute parent. The problem emerging as the child grows and is exposed to exterior stimulation from school, teachers and adults that have serious impact to the controlled person's understanding of his environment.  The adoptive child will at some point realize that the treatment he receives at home and school are vastly different as when he is at home he is not treated with normal regard by his adopted parents. At home the child is not treated  good or kind, at school he receives the same good and standard treatment that all children are regarded kindly. The child begins to understand that in his home his parents treat him poorly but he is not treated bad at school. 

Narcissistic parent personalities, for example, may be categorized as persuasive transgressors. This is driven by the narcissist to downplay their transgressions, seeing themselves as perfect and seeking to save face at all costs. Such a dynamic suggests that personality determinants of forgiveness may involve not only the personality of the offended, but also that of the offender.

Relationship quality

The quality of a relationship between offended child and offending parent can affect whether forgiveness is both sought and given. In essence, the more invested one is in a relationship, the more prone they are to minimize the hurt associated with transgressions and seek reconciliation, forgiveness or forget.
McCullough et al. (1998) provides seven reasons behind why those in relationships, the child will seek to forgive the parent transgressor:
  1. High investment in relationship (child has no other parent or support)
  2. Child views relationship as only commitment.
  3. The child fears being given back to adoption agency (Parent threats)
  4. The child's independence is disregarded by the parent
  5. Unjustified fear based alliance to the parent 
  6. Assumes motives of parent are in best interest of child 
  7. Child victim's willingness to apologize to make peace.
Relationship maintenance activities are a critical component to maintaining high quality relationships. While being heavily invested tends to lead to forgiveness, one may be in a skewed relationship with the parent who is not mentally invested in the child. This leads to an under benefit child who is likely to take the blame for the parent's bad behaviors. As such, the child's codependency desperate need of the parent relationship and allows the parent's transgression assault without anger toward the parent relationship.