Holiday Triggers of extraordinary Painful Memories
Why holidays are so significant to victims of child abuse. Certain
things that set off, anger and offend the narcissist Parent, cause her to react. She will pick a fight within the family of the dysfunctional home at Christmas. The trigger for the narcissist is not known in this scenario but there is one the narcissist will never disclose.
The yearly pattern of parents fighting about the Christmas tree.
1. The Christmas Tree.,
Is one of my bad memory major bad triggers!
I make a million excuses not to get one to avoid the memories.
Dad would bring home an insufficient one every year.
Mother wanted it flocked, last year it was flocked....
A Douglas fir, not a Douglas fur, It's crooked, too thin, to big...
The vicious arguing about his stupidity would morph into a fight.
Mom would throw a tantrum at how terrible the tree looked.
Mother always sent father back to get another tree.
yet mother would never go with him to pick out the tree.
The second, third tree that would suffice created a new tension.
Father would go to extremes of anger in putting on the stand.
Cussing screaming and yelling curse words as he would cut his
hands repeatedly bleeding on the tree and the front walk.
If the kids said that the tree was OK, pretty or it would do, mother would become enraged at the child who butted in!
Giving father support with his bloody hand cuts would make him mad, Mother would berate him and his "pathetic" helper would get the silent treatment or worse.
Why We Remember...
This pattern of intentional malice behavior regarding the family Christmas tree, went on year after year in childhood. Because of the conditioned stress and agitation that the situation created predictably the memories were created in a perpetual fear base, thus the memory is recalled for the purpose of fight or flight, to be used in survival mode and memory is crystal clear word for word and related provoking actions. Memories created under stressful conditions are remembered forever and never forgotten.