Adopted Child's Lack in Ability To Cope With Conflict
The conflict filled life of an adopted child places too many stress filled demands on the child in forced compliance. The adopted child has no choice in any regard for his adoption, the choice of adoptive parents is made by the adoption facilitator. The child is "not chosen by his adoptive parents". The fable of the Chosen Child told to adoptive children is an outright lie by the parents.
Patterns of recent developments in overseas adoption reinforces the fact that most children who are chosen by the adoptive parent are later returned to the country of origin or Re-Homed through the internet to dump all financial responsibility from the adoptive parents. The cruelty and toll of emotional damage of a second parent abandonment is critical to the growing dysfunction in the child's emotional well-being. In today's parental self-centered need of adoption mentality, the adopting parents believe a child will fill a need that the parent is lacking psychologically and usually narcissistic personality flaws are the temporary driving force to obtain the "child" answer to a mentally defect person. This is a common problem to adopted children's adoptive parents and the attempt to parent a child that has existing parents and family. There are many ways the adopted child attempts to please the dysfunctional parents, while treading water in attempts to cope at each situation. One of the many difficult consequences affecting adopted children effort to avoid conflict attempting to deal with stress, and compensate emotionally ending in dysfunction. Dysfunctional Coping strategy of Sublimation.
Sublimation – allows an “indirect resolution of conflict with neither adverse consequences nor consequences marked by loss of pleasure. Essentially, this mechanism allows channeling of troubling emotions or impulses into an outlet that is socially acceptable.
The Adoptive parent states "they have always been good up until they became teenagers"
The infant, baby, young child, mid childhood and late childhood,
the adopted child has not developed cognitive awareness, and are psychologically dependent on the adoptive parent. When the child reaches late childhood to early adolescence the adopted child begins to intelligently unravel the invalid story of adoption and reconstruct the series of events. The adopted child becomes aware of the missing pieces and information that is purposely left out by the adoptive parents. In the adopted child's growing awareness of reality, he sees the parents as not trustworthy and using deceptive tactics to keep the adoptive child ignorant and dependent. The child's experience of reality causes him great stress as he can not trust the deceptive adoptive parents with his feelings of anger, frustration and betrayal.
How can the adopted child continue to play the adoptive parent's parenting game of Denial? The entire life of the adopted child's feelings, anger and knowledge has been compartmentalized, held in and subdued to benefit his adoptive parents perception of the good and compliant child. The adoptive child's acknowledgement of the adoptive parent's denial of reality cause the adopted child perpetual stress, anxiety and nervousness.
The adopted child can not understand the denial and lies by the parents. The adopted child now begins to question his entire existence, his identity, his name is no longer his name but a part of his parent's game of adoption denial or denial against him?
The adopted child is also an adolescent who is filled with confusion about who he is, who the adoptive parents want him to be, and who the adopted child wants to be, all cause him great anxiety that he must keep bottled up inside to the point he wants to explode!
The adoptive parents are distressed by the moody adoptive child and see his changes as insulting, disloyal and a potential risk to their happy lives. They begin sending him to the doctor, drugging him or admitting him to a psychiatric hospital. The dysfunctional adoptive parents threaten him with compliance.
Anger and frustration become the mode of communication and the adoptive child in his repressed anger from all of the injustice walks around in a state of stressful confusion and impending doom of his immediate future events of being ostracized, or kicked out of the adoptive family or intervention of law enforcement and worse. There is no where for him to turn,or go. The adopted child knows that he is not free or like his peers who are getting ready to embark on college life. The adopted child knows when all of his friends are off at college he will be the compliant son sitting with his parent exchanging pleasant conversation at the dinner table, or he will be incarcerated. That is his choice and will be his future of despair.