The Fall-Out For Adopted Children Treated As Outsiders
The Incapacity To Love Or Be Loved
Adopted Children have no concept of love. The words that
are repeated like a mantra by adoptive mothers are meaningless
to the adopted child. The words "I Love you" are hollow, shallow and conditional on the behavior of the adopted child. The words are a signal that the mother feels unhappy and wants the adopted child to perform for her. If the adopted child does not give the reciprocating response to the mothers use of the "I love you Que" she will become instantly enraged and slap the child's face in disgust, and give him the silent treatment or worse. These words "I love you" can cause many problems to the adopted child's misunderstanding of the term. Adoptees are programmed to believe and respond to this phrase (I love you)
but adopted children have no concept of the term or know what it means. Adoptee's have no bond or relationship to compare
the principle of what love actually means. Through observation
of the adoptive parent marital relationship cycle of anger, argument, jealousy, rage, screaming physical fighting and making up to engage sexually. The older male biological siblings are motivated by wanting to "love" and bring girls home to have sexual relations, by observation of their behavior with the girls they "love to have sex". This leads the adopted child to believe that sex will bring this "love" that every family member regards so importantly as love. During a common midnight conflict between the mother and father, where the children are intentionally woken from sleep to witness the fighting, The father says that there are many other women that want him in a sexual capacity. The mother tries to destroy him verbally and begins to break the windows, throwing things through in her jealous rage. The mother screams "I don't love you" and the father in his drunken stupor says he does not love her anymore.
The two biological sons and the adopted daughter are all crying together sitting on the staircase watching their parents fighting.
At some point they become exhausted and go to bed and close the doors to sexually engage. The next morning all might or might not return to normal but no one will ever dare speak of the catastrophic incident that occurred last night. Now we are programmed to pretend nothing happen and the parents love each-other again. This is love, is normal and occurs in every home and every family. The adopted female child has the general understanding that love is sex and to feel loved the adoptee has to go out and find someone and love them. The adoptee looks to immature boys of the same age to have sex with. The disastrous results cause the adoptee to look for sex
and love with older boys, then men all ending the same way. The adoptee becomes desperate to find someone to love her
never knowing that love should be reciprocated, not dependent on sexual activity. She has no self love therefore can not give love, accept love or be loved. She gives to her relationship 4 attributes 1.worship of the partner,2. compliance,3. dedication and 4. submission, where No love can exist. She does not possess any self awareness, knowledge of emotions or normal behavior that is associated with a partnership. She simply does not know how, know of normal interaction between people. She is alien to self esteem, and her exclusion and alienation from the adoptive family's normal interaction early in childhood that kept her from participation to learn social skills and expectations.
She takes these four skills from relationship to relationship with the same result each time creating this predictable cycle of self abuse, perpetual self hatred and self loathing that comes to those living false lives, phony names living without identity of who they are or who they should or can be. The adoptee only knows who she is not...the phony identity on her drivers license.
Years pass she marries and still filled with the empty hole where love should be, although unaware of life outside the act of sex.
The adoptee chooses to become pregnant, at the birth of her first child something miraculous occurs. Holding her sticky newborn baby she realizes it is the first relative in her existence,
her first family member and her only kin. She is filled with anxiety about the new feeling, for the first time she feels love from the connection to her child. It is the awareness for the first time of unconditional love that bonds her to her child that will last forever. In her awareness she now has the first clue to who the adoptee might be.