The Non Expectation of Adopted Child
The Estranged Adult Adoptee That Emerges From Childhood
When a child is not part of the family blood he is treated as less
of a person than the real children, he is the outsider. Adopted children are disregarded by their adoptive fathers as it was seen as a solution to mother's psychological problems of the stillbirth.
In my experience I was tenth in line behind mother's choices to
occupy herself, her time with things that made her happy.
She did not cook, clean or do the laundry. Her time was spent
sleeping in, shopping for clothes, going out to dinner and chasing dad from bar to bar. From a very young age I received the title of the family scapegoat. The mother will slap my face first, ask questions later. Whatever the children were squabbling over the mother would blame me. If I was not doing anything wrong she would make something up, drag me by the hair to the group and announce to everyone what she thinks that I must have done.
Then she will throw me in the car and drive me to grandmas house to be punished. She would say "Just because you are bad, you are not going to ruin my fun going out". The mother was never on my side for any reason. I was the family's "whipping Boy". She would ridicule me every day of my childhood, she would also tell me how great, proper and valuable her friends children were. I never talked back, or spoke up in any regard as the parents told me that I had nothing to contribute to the adults. Speak when spoken to and do what I say, not what I do.
I had no idea that anything was abnormal, abusive or maltreatment. I thought all mothers were mean and cruel, and dads ignored their daughters because she is not his blood.
They never trusted me or gave me the opportunity to earn it.
I was viewed as a forever dependent that I needed to get married and off their payroll. I had no self worth, esteem or value and I still don't. I guess I was a bad replacement for their dead baby and could not live up to the "non-expectation" of an stranger outsider.