What Good Can Come From Adoption Registry? "A Sister!"
Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents Worth More than Bio Parents.
The irony of Adoption reunions is the fabulously unexpected!
When I resumed my search I certainly was not looking for more people to try to control me and I was not specifically looking for my biological mother. Due to my upbringing the word Mother brings to mind feelings of anxiety, rage and to quickly run-away
from Mother-F*X*X*!. To many Adoptees the word mother is not attached to phrases like nurturing, unconditional love, or
the lady to beware of. I was ignorantly seeking to know who I am and not mentally prepared for what I found, the answers.
The answers (good, bad or indifferent) take time to process,
swallow and digest. Through someone my biological mother was gossiping to, was my sister's godparent. Who promptly sent her my email and she contacted me. Our first attempt was a disaster
or so I thought. It was a normal process for my sibling to come to terms on different stories being told in her youth. A ghost being held hostage in a marriage and point of contention between new wife and husband's other child. The Beauty of my sibling is truthful cohesion and the third party's ability to see through what lies the biological parents are covering up.
Because of the adoption separation, biological parents do not see the adult children as a second chance, they see us as:
#1) The Enemy who can publicly humiliate and ruin the image
of the upstanding citizen.
#2) The Moral police who has come to punish them for the crimes of child abandonment.
#3) An Adult friend to impress upon and fill their heads with the wonderful traits of the biological parent, tell dirty jokes..YUK!
#4) An Opportunity for the old man or women to get out of the self made rut that comes with age.
#5) An Ignorant stupid, gullible adult that will believe anything.
#6) The Truth Seeker to ruin all effort to cover up the birth.
I have had the privilege of both swings of the pendulum with my biological parents #1) The upstanding Christian citizen and #2) the Opportunistic-Slacker Pinocchio. Both tell lies to impress me,
lie to themselves and both tell easily caught lies, Neither can be trusted but they are not the single responsibility for the adoptee, It is the entire family. The Siblings, Aunts, Uncles and cousins who become the trusted, the truth authority and the one to lean on when times are tough. Which is the reality of most families, a child bonds with one family member outside of the parent. My biological Family grounding is my mother's sister, My very own sister, and my father's brother. These are the ones that I feel at ease, unconditional love and trust. The task of filling in the blanks for an adoptee's absent life in a family, the extended family is who can be counted on for such a relationship that is based on truth and mutual respect. As the extended family member's life is not tarnished by adoption based guilt.