About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Narcissist Personality Flaws, Fall Out and Damage Path


The Narcissist Personality Flaws, Fall Out and Damage Path

Two year old children begin to develop individual personalities and wills of their own.  The narcissistic mother comprehends each step toward independence as an act of betrayal.
Children's truthful emotions, honesty and the free expressions of how they see the world in that moment.
The child's annoying practice is punished early as possible since the narcissist does not care about the emotions of the child.. “What is wrong with you?” ,“You’re so oversensitive”, “You’re overreacting” and "You're too dramatic" common phrases pounded in to the heads of the child.
The mother's constant use of the phrase "I Love You" discounts and makes the concept into a key word of control and feel guilty. She
will smother, pick and choose which protection suits her in that moment, and always under all circumstances overreact to any and all situations.
  under the guise that they are sacrificing, gifting superior parenting and
doing their absolute best efforts worthy of the child's gratefulness.  
They will fail to provide age-appropriate information on such things as menstruation, personal grooming (make-up, hairstyles, shaving, etc.), budgeting the inconsistent allowance and dating because the child was never old enough to go out at all. This all serves to keep her children under her control as long as possible. If they are ill-informed and overprotected, they will not feel confident to grow or move further away from her. Although the serious narcissist never considers any plan or consequence because their ego superiority dominates over her dependent, needy child. In her ignorance she can't win an intelligent   argument and has the mentality of a child herself. The domination is based on her ability to bully as a large child, "the fact that I am right" "You are wrong""Because I said so" and "I am bigger than you".

The False Self --Narcissism or Codependency
We can be a little bit hurt or a lot hurt by neglect, abuse or trauma. The depth of the wound to the psyche determines the severity of the insult to the child's personality and a loss of the true self for the child. A false self develops along with a fragile self esteem of defining identity as feeling good when being given to or giving to others. The child is stuck in early primitive defenses and cannot go through the stage of normal separation from the parents that is necessary for growth.
Children of a difficult, more stubborn temperament defend against being supportive of others in the house. They observe how the selfish parents get his needs met by others. They learn how manipulation and using guilt gets the parent what he or she wants. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to get their way.

The sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family learn to meet the parent's needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. 

The Ignored Child
The child's normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent's "love." Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest.

 Their aggressive impulses become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children grow up learning to give too much and develop a false self of needing  to constantly check back and get approval. The constant need to be told they are not in danger of a brake up. The co-dependent will give all they have (money,energy) and begin to give up their preferences, likes and dislikes to please, put the other person on a worship basis instead of partnership in their relationships.

The Narcissist and narcissistic traits process information, emotions and unresolved pain to make up for what they did not have in childhood. They often place unrealistic demands on others to make themselves feel better. They cannot and will not tolerate  the negative emotional distress from others.  
Any outside criticism or disagreement to the narcissist mother is a declaration of war or personal challenge
to be turned back at others to blame. 
In the mind of the narcissist, they, those and them 
are always trying to publicly humiliate the narcissist as a fool.
To expose the real and painful truths behind the narcissist's facade of beauty, intelligence and prize worthy efforts that are on public display. The unveiling of the facade will not get at the truth which is intentionally long forgotten. Replaced with too many exaggerations and lies to filter or remember the original story of hurt. The narcissist has replaced the real story with a story not so humiliating but still worthy of everyone's empathy.  
The Narcissist believes the lies they tell. After repeating a story the warped mentality of the narcissist's woes will always be beneficial to them. Their belief that they were a victim but survived and prospered through educational goals and standards
of psychological behavior., To endure, triumph and evolved to become the specialist expert in all things related to human life.
Instead of looking within, observing simple cause and effect, or taking personal responsibility for hurting other people. The narcissist's distorted belief that her constant meddeling is acting on your behalf, living to help you, assist and benefit others as a selfless service to needs of humanity.
The Banished Narcissist
The narcissist's denial of what they do, their deviance, self serving and self defeating behavior worthy of severing ties with them forever. To escape from the helping hurt would and does create an instant calmness and normality in the lives of the self banished from the narcissist's web. If the narcissist banishes you
and you stay gone life remains peaceful. When the narcissist's victim decides to banish the narcissist, She is not going to tolerate rejection from the rejects. She will become obsessed with being rejected, refuses to acknowledge any fault or responsibility. The narcissist will showcase what exactly is narcissistic rage. The tantrum of an adult narcissist kicking and screaming is only the beginning. Now the family emergencies will erupt and the poor banished victim will look the suffering part,
and calling everyone you know to have them discuss what the problem is. She will have the last word and continues to engage you in her absence. Seeking out grandchildren to have a discussion about what their father did to hurt grandma. The narcissist expression of extremely poor behavior is at her last development age acting like a preschooler who can not be reasoned with and doesn't believe her manipulating conduct is bad. The narcissist will take all truths to the grave, as she will never admit she is wrong or responsible for hurting anyone.

Personality Flaws of Others
 This is the defense of projection -- what the person does not like in him or her self, they get angry at others who may have some of that same trait. Projecting one's anger onto others instead of using it to learn and grow is always limiting.
The "I Am Special" Belief of Self Deception

Self image is distorted with the narcissistic point of view and the person believes that he is superior to others. An inflated self-esteem is a defense to cover up their sense of shame deep within. Grandiosity is an insidious error in thinking that prevents them from blaming themselves and becoming depressed or disintegrated. Creeping narcissism in a person is their succumbing to the gradual demands of selfishness and entitlement by giving in to "I am special" beliefs. The last word
and final say is by the narcissist, to those codependents that have looked the other way and allowed the narcissist's bad behavior to grow and thrive over the years to create the monster within the miserable person.