Adoptee Reunion Search Observations:
Everyone an Adoptee knows and who is not an Adoptee, will inject their polluting opinions, despite the facts.
Remember that having a child changes people in dramatic ways.
To judge the sad and pathetic aftermath of aging people who were denied their children and parenting their children will have dramatic effects on their lives.
Others simply can not say that you were better off because your elderly biological parents are derelicts, alcoholics, creepy and undesirable. I would be in the same situation if I lost my children to death or adoption; The opportunities to evolve by having children shapes our lives, causes growth and selfishness is lost through the selfless sacrifices to benefit the child.
If given the opportunity to raise their own children, the negative old age outcomes would be quite different.
Regarding my Native American heritage, my aunt says "all Indians beat their children and you were better off" this generalization is extremely wrong and self serving prejudice. You can not generalize an entire population to justify your own guilt. The fact of statistical white population's domestic violence records show that white families are more likely to beat their kids, she is white and her sister is my birth mother.
At reunion, birth-parent's current state, life and circumstances have been dramatically altered from the loss of their child early
in their life. To say you were better off, is the selfish denial of the serious emotional trauma suffered by the bio-parent and the Adoptee, except the adoptee faces far more emotional stress, destruction and void.
To say you were better off is saying you can give your children away without being effected. If someone took my child, I would not want to live or outlive, which is common horrifying scenario to most parents.
The worst reality for Adoptee's is that no one understands the depth to our suffering, questioning and reasoning except other Adoptees. Birth and bio relatives do not understand and most don't waste any effort on the subject to avoid feeling guilt.
The Adoptee's Reality of not belonging expands with reunion, although necessary for independent identity growth and growing self awareness.
After my reunions, stressful Interference of adoptive parents, considerable time to digest all the information, I have come to the realization that I do not belong here or there. It seems to me that I could be in a room full of my people and emotionally feel completely alone. This is my truth in life, from the circumstances of my adoption.