The Permanent Psychological Disconnection of Adoptees
Throughout Childhood the adoptee behaves accordingly
to his unknown circumstances, autonomic responses.
The adoption dance of the adoptive Mother's behavior
gives the child the basic foundation of his ownership.
Although the parent does not realize the seriousness,
or the consequences of the parent child relationship ques.
While the infant Adoptee seems unaware of it's surroundings
, behaviors and attitudes of his caregivers, the Adoptee is a sponge taking in all things said and unsaid within hearing
and sight range. The selfish and gossip filled discussions about the child's origins and less than positive aspirations in front of
the unassuming child are herd loud and clear. The negative voice tones, avoidance and truthful parent perceptions are sadly forming this fragile trust in early relationships. When a parent doubts themselves, their abilities and parenting an outsider's child. When the parent's main focus is on themselves and how the public views them. The need to be perceived as superior and publicly acceptable image by the peer group proves later in life to cause injury to the nurturing child's Identity, self worth and independence of the Adoptee.
"The selfless parent" who is not in need or want public personal attention, status and public recognition of parenting their child.
The selfless parent is offended at rewards for parenting, as this is a natural process motivated by the love a mother for her offspring. She wants her child to live in the comfort of her own
nurturing, and encourages the child's exploration of the world.
This child will only feel love for the parents constant vigilance
reflected in the child's self comfort and well being. These children
do not question the parent's honesty or motivation, as the sky is the limit of what they can accomplish in the world. The child is able to make friends and have open honest discussions with the parents without fear or objections. Friends and lovers are safe ans open topic for sharing in normal parent relationships, due to the fact that the child has been raised with a sense of self worth
and great value as an independent person.
Adoptees are not often enough in the situation that nurtures
and promotes individual and unique self identity. We are the
left-overs in a society that profits off the indiscretions of selfish men, and women. Adoptees are the problem that society created by selling children with parents. The psychological
aftermath of being sold is a life long struggle to compensate,
with great failure rates. The lucky adoptees are those thrown into psychotherapy for causing problems unlike the cohesive family. The identified patients (Adoptees) are the complete problem within the family. These Adoptees sometimes get good assistance in the understanding of what this paradox of adoption
is. For younger Adoptees to receive therapy early in life, they
will begin to understand the factual aspects in Adoption History,
Adoption Science and Adoption Education. The advantage for this population is the ability to form their own opinions of the Adoption.,Understand their particular family's dysfunctions.
And take the first step to begin the Identity process without outside opinion. The help from a good therapist will provide so many needed things absent in the Adoptee's family, parenting and the assistance to allow themselves to grow independently.
Psychology provides hope to Adoptees, and the nurturing they did not receive in childhood. The outside opinion is one that can be trusted by the Adoptee. Not all therapists are right for every person, so Adoptees may go through many before finding one that fits your personality or values, beliefs, It does matter to fit.
Adoptees learn through survival. To wear the mask that entertains, not the face of truth. To speak the words that
the mother wants to hear, Not the truth from within you.
To see what they say has happen, Not the situations truth.
This is how we survived, living lives of denial and being forced
to promote the family's lies. There comes a time when we can no longer live like this, and it is disturbing us down to our soul.
We are sick of living the lie and lying to promote the denial of
others. This time is to some an Apiffany of the true self. Where
we will risk all connections to our unsatisfied life to change it.
This is the coming of age for Adoptees who can't go on.