The adoptive mother uses domination over the adoptive child to dominate him, controlling his relationships with friends, siblings and extended family as the unnecessary mediator. Providing interference, informational distortion and intentionally creating dramatic conflicts between family members. Yet being the unassuming overbearing parent "Just trying to help", When in fact the narcissist always helps themselves over anyone else.
To have a parent with narcissistic personality disorder creates a jeopardizing struggle for a normal biological child's development into adulthood. The risks for negative attributes and outcomes are doubled with the intrusion of an outsider in the family. The stress and coping skills take a toll on siblings in early childhood.
The biological children will come to resent the adopted child as time proves to the siblings that the parents behaviors have changed dramatically. The children begin to grow a hatred for the outside child's disruption of the family. The spouse husband is also seeing changes irritability, arguments, higher stress level around and about the children. The mother is not being honest about her big and obvious mistake. Refusal to acknowledge the facts of the let down, the post adoption depression or the miss match by the adoption agency of child to parent. The denial that any problem exists perpetuates, grows resentment and the intentional forced acceptance of a bad situation hurts everyone and all relationships in the family will suffer.
The Adoptee is not welcomed to grow relationships outside of mothers view and authority.
In childhood the Adoptee will live in constant confusion of
moving goal posts, rules that apply when she uses them, and
the brutal destruction of adoptee's identity to save him from himself. She has the control of all things in her world and the
Adopted child belongs to her forever in submission of her.
The Adopted Mother creates the "window" of misery, meddling
and interference. This window is like a ticket booth, that the adoptee communicates "Through the Mother" to her extended family (grandparents, sisters, brothers, cousins) and friends.
The misconception that the parent's friends are the children's friends is not true. Except where the child has self grown an independent relationship with that person. For parents who assume there are cohesive relationships with their family and children are living in denial. Sure the children are subordinate
and polite but a friendship has not developed over time on their own personal terms. The Mother who is constantly on the phone with her "support Circle" Is gossiping about her children and people in her life, out loud where children can hear her. The mother sees no problem with her behavior, believing it is normal and harmless. The child who has spent his life hearing mother gossip about his every detail is enraging and the constant violating of his trust causes him to distrust his mother.
The mother's deceptive gossip about her child, grows resentment, hatred and great division of the parent-child relationship. In adolescence that what is normal assertiveness,
is met with face slapping, parent control and serious attacks on the child's emerging independence. The Adoptee is forever
a child in the adoptive parent perception, and mentally incapable of growing into productive adult. This principle is strengthened by the attacks on the independence, bargaining and making deals to trap the adoptee who has no tools or skills to escape with the adolescent independence in emerging adulthood. The adoptive mother will utilize the necessary narcissistic power
to dominate and control the forever child until the young adult has the courage and conviction to escape the control without the strings attached.