ADOPTEE RAGE! The Child's Search
Searching for Real Parents Begins Early and is subliminal. In a crowded room, market or stadium, Adoptees search for people that resemble ourselves, as we believe In the chance meeting.
Adoptees come across things that anger, shock and humiliate us
Revealing our true nature in dealing with the paradox of being an adopted child. Things rarely reveal our truth to others, as we learn and master the art of acting. We become virtual towers of stone that no one can penetrate or destroy our strong exterior. We are taught to lie about who we are and at some point the lies stack up to become the exterior of our stone towers. If we let one "stone or lie" be revealed, the entire base of our defence of lies could come crashing down to reveal a dual personality.To most people and adoptees, to be dishonorable is to lie as lies are inherently wrong in human psyche. By expecting adoptees to lie about who they are is a dishonor to the self. Most adoptees would prefer to be the illegitimate bastard with a truthful name. If our real parents were such bad people, who would want their
equally bad offspring? The biological parent is not the monster that the adoptive parent makes them out to be. They were young and in most cases fully taken advantage of and used by people who were unscrupulous. The wealthy and money hungry are the evil people who can buy and steal other peoples children. Who believe that buying a child will solve their problems with greed, But in buying a child the innocence of childhood only lasts eight to ten years and less for some.
We adoptees are not evil people, we were deceived by evil people, adoption agencys and evil adoptive parents.
We are our biological parents child and that will never change no matter who purchases or owns us, it is a temporary state.
I found a newspaper clipping announcing to the town and county that I am "ADOPTED". The horror I felt. Everyone knows my shame of being a bastard. Everyone knows that I do not belong here, and that I have been thrown away by my mother. They all know I was born out of wedlock and that I am an Illegitimate child.
The whole town knows that I am defective and a problem child.
I felt extreme humiliation as I read the clipping. I thought
to myself that everyone knows my shame., My filthy secret
is common knowledge and laughable to the extent of the problem child's problems.
Quite younger, I remember the daily walk out to the main road
where I would sit each morning and wait for "MOM" to come.
When I could hear a car in the distance coming up the road, I would stand up, in anticipation. I had to be ready to leave when she stops, as I did not want her to go to the house.No one will know or care when I leave with my mom. I would think to myself maybe she is supposed to come tomorrow,and sadly walk the long driveway back to the sleeping house.
Several times I was sent to stay with adoptive parent's friends in
Orange county, In a tract neighborhood. I would go door to door
asking if my mother might live there? On the third morning a women grabbed me by the arm and walked me back to the sitter's house. She told my babysitter what I have been doing for the last three days, I was in big trouble. She called my parents to come get me, and when my adoptive mother arrived
I was beaten. Adoptive mother made me tell adoptive father the
horrible thing I did to get kicked out of the babysitter's home.
Then I was punished again. At local babysitter homes I would do the same thing, go door to door asking if my real mother was at home. Then some housewife would walk me back and tell on me.
My mother would be called and I would be punished. The routine was predictable, No one ever talked to me about why I did this, or try to make sense of my behavior, Just hit me and then ignore me. When I was older, I began reading phone books, looking for some clue as to who I was, who are my parents and where are my parents. Everywhere I went with my adoptive parents was an opportunity to find my mother. From bars, cocktail lounges, racetracks, casinos, fancy restaurants, gambling venues like Las Vegas,Nevada. She could be there I thought, So I would keep looking for someone who looked like me. Turns out she was 35 miles away in the next town. I found her and my father with the "Non-Identifying-Information" provided by the court, the adoption registry, and land, phone,
census and tax records. The women on the registry had the info in 24 hours of my inquiry.