About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Reasons Not To Adopt A Child


Reasons Not to Adopt
By adoptionassistance.org

   Things that might create concern about whether adoption of a child is the right thing or that this is the right time might be:
  • Unresolved grief (over lost pregnancies/babies, lost fertility, lost loved ones, etc.)
  • Ongoing fertility treatments
  • Unresolved trauma or abuse in your past
  • Unresolved marital tensions
  • Unstable financial condition or difficulty managing finances
  • Significant people in your support system who are unsupportive of adoption
  • Unresolved criminal or child abuse/neglect charges
  • Unsound motivations for adopting
     We have learned that individuals who have not had the time, opportunity or help to work through their grief are less able to withstand the roller coaster of emotions with the adoptive process, but also have an increased risk of not bonding well with their adoptive baby.  Often this type of grief work is relatively short-term work and once done leaves the couples/individuals feeling much stronger.  Our agency policy requires that couples not pursue fertility treatments while pursuing adoption.  There are a number of reasons, one of which is that we have had couples become pregnant after being selected by a birthmom and then there is a dilemma with the birthmom.  The most important reason, however, is that each child deserves to come into a family where the parents’ hearts are totally focused on welcoming and embracing that child.  This is simply not possible when the couple is pursuing fertility treatments as well.  It is like trying to drive down two roads at the same time.  
     Unresolved trauma or abuse in your past will come back to haunt you as you parent children.  That is risky for the child and for the parent.  Our desire for you is that if you move into parenting, you will experience great success but know that this is unlikely if there are unresolved past issues such as these.  
Couples who are struggling in their relationship sometimes feel that if they can just have a family (children), those rough spots will smooth out.  It never really works this way.  Children are amazing but, honestly, very challenging at times.  They do not reduce the stress on a relationship, they increase it.  Then if the relationship deteriorates, there is a wounded child/children as well.  Fixing a hurting relationship is an example of an unsound motivation for adopting.  Any motivation where the child enters the family with a job to do, such as to heal a marriage, fill an empty hole in a parent, make a parent feel better about themselves,  make a parent feel loved, be grateful for being “rescued”, make a family look better, is an unsound motivation and will likely set the stage for wounding and heartache.    
People Who Should Not Adopt a Child...
Mothers who don't like to get up in the morning. Mothers who don't like to cook every day, breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Mothers who don't want the child to grow up., Mothers who
dominate and control a child will abuse the child. Mothers who want to relive their childhood through an adopted child, the child will not want to do the activities you missed out on. 
What about alcoholism and how an adopted child will interfere with your bar attendance., Constant fighting, bickering
and arguing between husband and wife., Violence in the
home, punching holes in walls and patching them is a sign
of violence in the home.