I have submersed myself in dangerous alcoholic situations all of my adult life. All of
the signs, symptoms and obvious living conditions are in my face and not attempted to be hidden from my view. Yet I do not see what is right in front of me.
I have even contributed financially to someone else's alcoholic lifestyle to the point of my own financial collapse.. I do not see what simply is presented right in front of my open eyes. It can be spelled out with abhorrent living conditions, drunken parties where I am the only person not drinking or drunk, and spending my last dollars to buy a friend or relative a twelve pack due to their lacking of alcohol.
My inability to survey any environment for my own safety and personal regard is severely handicapped. I am completely at ease with addicts, alcoholics and criminals., Although would not allow this kind of company exposed to my children. Now that they are grown, I have endless free time and have found trouble as each new relationship. I am the drinkless drunk seeking out the bowels of society for
friendship worthy of a disreputable disturbance.
Pathetically, It is only a pathetic lack of self, being acceptable by those whom in retrospect are not deserving of my twisted dedication. It becomes obvious once I am removed or run from a new predicament that I have found myself again feeling uncomfortable with my surroundings. But everything in my world is not comfortable so I do not know what the difference is. Usually either my money is gone or some other violation exists that prevents me from the next predictable step. I am dangerous to myself in the regard that I haven't the recognition of the obvious if my life depended on it.
What is normal to any person is what life was as a small child. Our childhood home and the behaviors of our childhood family, this is what constitutes us as individuals from our foundation of early life. In this bedrock of a child's learning, we observe, mimic what we see, and duplicate our parent's behaviors. This is involuntary, primal and predictable human behavior. Regardless of social adherence or deviance we become what is presented to us while we are children.