How many times have I been disowned, kicked out, rejected and ejected from my loving adoptive home environment., Decisions by the County of San Diego's Department of Social Service professional's decisions based "In my best Interests".
When your parents tell you to get out of their lives, Get out of their house and Don't come back.......
The tone and the scene is one of screaming and yelling. This recurring
"Family Late Show" takes place at night, and usually initiated by intoxicated arguing parents. The fight is escalating into a knock down screaming match where #1. I tried to intervene. #2. Took the wrong side of the argument. #3. Wrong place at the right time. #4. The fight
was based on my inadequacy. #5. The fight was based on my parents threatening divorce. #6 Based on their general alcoholic lack of memory.
When a young person is being screamed at, shoved and hit, the memory creates a big impression that is not easily forgotten and can not be mistaken for "They were joking, and really didn't mean it" (If I was stupid enough to bring this up)
The fight and flight reflex that we adoptees learn well how to escape
becomes a natural response to "get out" and we leave the drama.
Go back to that friend or boyfriend's house and find sanctuary in any
place on earth but our family's home. For a time we pretend this is a new start, an improvement or a worse predicament To adoptees it is just a temporary change, so try to enjoy it while you can. The reality of our personal misery will surface all to quickly for us. Days may pass even months may go by and eventually they will decide that we have been punished long enough. The parent will go to the toy-box and get the puppets out again to play.
Then somehow during this time of great peace, self reflection
and personal growth as an individual....
The barb that is permanently embedded through my lip begins to feel the tension. Then comes the sharp and forceful jerking against gravity.
My brain tells me to resist, fight back and try to escape the entrapment.
The restraint tether that is staked in to my heart begins to feel the pull of being reeled back in. The volume becomes louder and the stage turns round in the circus of my psychological distress.