us negative feelings about bad and good, causing us confusion to an already broken self esteem. Raised in the "speak when spoken to" era, teaches us that our "input" is not wanted, and will result in punishment if we give our unsolicited opinion. We were not asked what we thought, Nor did we know how to reply.
We were not taught or encouraged to participate in family
conversation. Many of us adoptees still do not know how to talk, or engage in adult discussions. The chronically repeated term "Be seen and not herd" means to a child: you have no value, to the family., Excluding is something adoptees have learned well.
We were excluded from the group of which we belong from birth.
Exclusion is how we define ourselves, what we identify as normal and common. The adoptive parents and their many groups are well aware of our adoption status. Adult conversations about our
downfalls and limitations are attributed to the fact that we are adopted. In our presence, families and their friends talk openly about our adoption, yet not with us. A dishonorable state we are kept in, to survive the humiliation we deny the behavior's existence. Creating excuses and alternative reasoning of
the many denial factors of which we operate., Suppressing the deep down seeded shame adopted children live with every day.
question. Depending on who asked, and for what reason., There
is an unspoken rule: Adopted kids are not allowed to talk about being adopted. If put on the spot, we are expected to give the appropriate answer: My parents are all I need, want, or something similar and a genuine tribute to the prizewinning parents that disrupted their lives to give an unwanted child a home. Other responses we all know and loathe: "I was chosen"
"They chose me"....bla, bla, bla, Vomit!
I am not interested in searching for someone who does not want me...When we say 'Afraid of getting hurt' we are lying, as "hurt"
is the only thing that is consistent in our lives.
We are broken props that were useful when we were babies,
Then we grew up. With age comes the awareness about what
huge mistakes were made in our "Best Interest", Were not to
benefit our best-interests at all. The decisions made for our best interest were for the interest of the 'flash in the pan' temporary
maternal want to own a genuine baby. To keep the Adoption Industry's systems and administrators keeping their jobs. To
keep the arrogant adoption administrators in their chosen field "playing God" while selling other people's children. So if you think you have got the bastard adopted child all figured out,
you do not know anything. We are not going to cooperate!