About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Adoptee's Paid In Advance of Adolescent Liberty

Adoptee Rage..........

We Adoptee's Have Paid In Advance With Our Innocence.

The newborn baby has no awareness of obligation, conformity or contractual legal responsibility. The first 10 years are free to the buyer to do as they please. Human nature and documented progress of normal healthy children state that awareness of
the self begins to form naturally in the adolescent stage of development.   The adolescent stage of liberation where the individual becomes aware of the separate self from the parent.
The narcissistic controlling parent has a problem dominating the child in the adolescent stage. Normal parents at this phase assist the child in their independence growth. From 10 to 18 years the normal development of a persons individualism to complete adult independence at the legal age of majority 18. Teen age kids who live in unstable narcissistic and abusive environments can petition the court for legal emancipation to escape the mental imprisonment from their parental control. As the torment and anguish from the parent can cause further damage and permanent mental repercussions to the delicate self image of the teen. When the controlling parent refuses to let the child grow in to a healthy normal adult. When thoughts of escape
enter the mind of a teenager, there is obviously a problem beyond the "Bad", "defiant" label given underage children.

Why Does Adoption Becomes an Option?
Reading adoption agency handouts, I see the following reasons:
Infertility, Vanity, charitable contributions to society, medical problems, medical complications and stillbirth result in adopting a replacement child...
Most parents who adopt have problems dealing with their own infertility, or Not dealing with mental anguish over the death of a child., Adoption is a diversion and instant solution over actually dealing with your own mental problems. Buy a new baby and the problem is over for you.....And just beginning for the newborn baby taken from his family, biologic ties and now a foreign implant with great expectations for him to measure up to. However he will never measure up, he will become a parent's failure to parent. Not to forget his own personal and identity problems that will emerge now or later, but will come.
The focus is not on the child's future mental stability, which is forever ruined, the focus is on the satisfaction of the parent who now is forever in possession of someone else's baby.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

An Adoptee Visit to the Normal Family

When I met my best friend Heather, on occasion I would be permitted to spend the night. This family was amazing, with a beautiful home and
everyone had their very own privacy. I always felt privileged  to be accepted and allowed in their home. I was expected to help with chores,
the dishes and cooking....I would open the pantry and spy the blueberry
muffin mix. The mother frequently yelled at me when I added the blueberry juice to the mix. What I would give to hear her yell at me
for not following the directions once more. I admired, dreamed of her
throughout my life. Her dignified manner, her elegance charm and beauty...As she was my dream mom. Teaching her daughters the skills
needed to be adult women. Trusting her children as important parts of
her life. There were no fights, breaking glass or threats of suicide in this house at least while I the guest was present. The order of things, the to do list, the chores the fun and the freedoms awarded were respected.
They loved me back and tolerated my visits as they knew it was respite
for my troubled home-life. I never lied or stole from the family that welcomed my troubled soul, and still in my heart love and miss them.
It was an ordinary summer school college day when I showed up to carpool in the driveway. I jumped in my friend's car and we drove away.
The next day I was called into question. It seemed a bank card and envelope with a code had been stolen out of her mother's desk a few days prior. Several hundreds of dollars had been removed from her parent's bank account. They were giving me the chance to confess before the police would intervene. I was shaken with the enormity of the guilt of this atrocity. This offence will mean the end of my only long-term
relationship with this normal loving family. I felt so sick inside knowing
as usual that I would no longer be welcomed. A week passed and the
police published the photos of the thief. The night before I went to the home, my friend got a distress call from a friend in a drug rehab. She
went immediately to the hospital and rescued the girl. As we drove off that morning to school the rehab resident left behind to sleep in the empty home. Once alone she began to scour the house for money.  Finding the key to the bank, her boyfriend picked her up and their two week drug binge began. Even though I had nothing to do with the crime, I was guilty in the eyes of society and in the long term trusting relationship with the family I wanted so desperately to be part of.
Adoptees are not trustworthy individuals and easily manipulated. Based on the need of approval, adoptees can never remedy what is ingrained
at their core. Being conditioned to live a phony identity to protect the secrecy of strangers and adoptive parents. Having no ability to normally grow in to real and truth based identity of a unique individual. The adoptee is the bearer and scapegoat of the indiscretions of society.

Mother the Humilliator

When you are five years old, and have been put in a dress so short
that your panties show. No one has taken the time to teach you how
girls are supposed to sit, when sitting on the floor in the back of a cafe,
while Mother is having coffee with her friends. They keep looking back
at me, laughing. Finally she demands from across the room "sit like a
lady". I do not understand what this means. When finally she gets up and walks over to slap my face. While the entire cafe looks on, she tells me to put my knees together.
In retrospect, I think the cafe's breakfast patrons were laughing at her
cruel and ignorant way to punish a child by humiliation. She walks back to the counter stating "see what I have to put up with everyday"

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Anti-Abortion's "Person-hood" Strategy Will Give Adopted Children Civil Rights

The Christian community's ongoing diatribe against abortion, will be the double edged sword that will pierce their religiously delusional bubble.
The legal strategy to grant "products of conception" the same civil rights of adult United States citizens, by the legal designated title of person-hood.  The result of giving the fetus a legal status of a person, now grants that a person has a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. These civil rights must be applied uniformly to all children,
born and unborn. The granting of civil rights to all children will have serious impacts on the adoption industry and foster care system. The
commodity of children in today's market, exist without rights until age eighteen. To grant a commodity civil rights will destroy the adoption industries practices as business as usual, as well as the social service
industry. All federal and state funding will be instead used to finance
new legal issues and lawsuits by the newly granted civil right population.  
All Christian based adoption agencies and child related organizations will become bankrupt by lawsuits. The irony of the anti-abortion legal challenges will have the domino effect into implosion upon itself.
Good Luck with that!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Adoptee's Reality of Untruth and Biological Family Lies

As the lies begin to roll down the hill, with time and force they gather
more words. The information becomes engorged with passion, pseudo
truth and too much to loose if truth were extracted from the fast rolling boulder of lies.
The boulder of lies from my father, came crashing down on me upon my pathetic need for verification of facts. The grand story of this pseudo Vietnam Veteran.....Impersonator. With his far over reaching arrogance
he claims Purple heart, Valor, Honor and more Army issued decorations.
The stupidity of old men's life stories in this digital age is indeed punishable in a court of law. The Stolen Valor Act is the law that protects
a soldier's honor, and Identifies liars and deceivers for who they really are.  When I read the email's truthful words about the lies I had been researching in vain, I already had a hunch. But why would my own biological father who through his own efforts deceive me with such a shameful lie? As time passed the story grew. In my efforts to get the story straight I went through extreme details and researched every aspect of each item for the claims research. Over eighty hours of reading
manuals and  Veterans websites and claim filing information. Each time that I would find some new benefit information I would call him in my investigation's excitement. With each call his personification would be interested in my findings. To learn the fact that he went to boot camp and got hurt a couple of weeks into and discharged., The fact that he never stepped foot on Vietnamese soil is astonishing. The need to make up a phony self to present to the long forgotten, lost child makes my
compounded need for truth seem impossible reality of Adoptee's life.  

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Adoptees Forced Conditioning of Deception

The forced conditioning of deception, Is how adoptees are trained to comply with their new owners. The problem is that the child has already lived in it's true identity, In Utero and birth has already occurred. The infants identity has already been biologically established and imprinted by DNA upon the child forever. Adopted children are forced to live  and assume the life of a legally fictional person created by the new owners.
The adoptee is then forced to comply unconditionally without question of the details that they are given. The basic fact in forced alliance of a phony identity, then the fact that the child does not really belong with the family, Is a conflicting paradox within the truth. The evidence for troubled adopted children points the blame at the child. In reality the double standard forced on adoptee children, when the blame should fall on the deceptive story that adoptees are forced to bear for their lifetime.
A young adoptee is given bits and pieces of information and when they begin to put it into understanding they are labeled defiant. The greatest problem of normal healthy adopted children is that they grow into adulthood. In adolescence the concept and understanding of complex abstract thinking is an expected age related development. For adopted children this time of development is problematic and anticipated to be punishable with great consequences of understanding development.
The irony is that the legally defective child and grounds for returnable compensation, Is actually the child who will not grow into the despised  understanding phase of the adolescent child.,Thus continual embracing
of the deceptive story and identity of the adopted child who can never grow up. That should be the child that is sought for adoption., who will sustain the adoption allegiance for their lifetime., Never questioning what they are told to believe. 
How can Adoptees begin to build a real Identity, While sorting out the lies of their puppet masters?  
I feel sometimes that the lies are so thickly embedded in our recollections, that we should scrap even the good memories?

To look back on what was good, and then realize the untruth of the
information is unfortunate of the adoption deception story.
As infants, we are submersed into a new fictionalized story complete with a new fictionalized identity that we are conditioned to comply.
Adoptees are desperate to be accepted, putting aside reason when faced with unstable facts. We jump into new relationships as innocent lambs,
trusting the wolf's impending slaughter. We want to trust and to believe
that we are worthy of anyone pity. We look directly into the eyes of the liar and want desperately to believe them. It is what we are taught to do.
Because we have come of age, we think situations and people will be different, be better. We somehow still believe that future people will be better, truthful and loyal. We are forever in disappointment of our lives.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Adoption Law Is Evolving

handle is hein.journals/branlaj27 and id is 483 raw text is: THE EMERGENCE OF WRONGFUL ADOPTION
The status of a parent-child relationship created by adoption is a
relatively new concept in American law; the first adoption statute was
not enacted until 1851.1 This legally recognized creation of a family
was designed to protect the child and was very different from the
placing out system of that time, which in essence was the distribu-
tion of children to be used for cheap labor.2 Modern adoption statutes
are intended to promote the best interests of the child and to create a
status that resembles as closely as possible the natural parent-child
As is true with any relatively new area of law, time must pass
before unsettled questions are considered and answered. This refine-
ment is required in a particular area of adoption law: the recourse
available to parents whose adopted child manifests a physical or mental
defect, which the parents were unaware of at the time of adoption. Of
course, when the problem develops after adoption and is not related to
a pre-existing condition, it is a situation that anyone must recognize as
an unfortunate possibility and a risk that is assumed when the decision
is made to become a parent through adoption.
A more complex issue is involved when an illness or defect is dis-
covered that existed prior to adoption. It is well established, and logi-
cal, that parties placing children for adoption are not guarantors of the
children's future good health. Undetectable problems are another risk
associated with the decision to become a parent, whether by birth or
adoption. But what of the situation where the adopted child's condition
The first adoption statute in the United States was enacted in Massachusetts in 1851.
Kawashima, Adoption in Early America, 20 J. FAM. L. 677 (1982).
2 Howe, Adoption Practice, Issues and Laws 1958-1983, 17 FAM. L.Q. 173, 176 (1983).
Department of Social Welfare v. Superior Court, 1 Cal. 3d 1, 459 P.2d 897, 81 Cal. Rptr.
345 (1969); Eggleston v. Landrum, 210 Miss. 645, 50 So. 2d 364 (1951); In re McDuffee, 352
S.W.2d 23 (Mo. 1961); Comment, Best Interests of Children and the Interests of Adoptive Par-
ents: Isn't it Time for Comprehensive Reform? 21 GONZ. L. REv. 749 (1986).

The Courage of the Unnatural

 Adoptees are the epitome of unnatural . Altered at birth by the
society whom profits. By superstitious conditioning, conception resulting
in a sinful product. The label of bastard as we are born into illegitimacy.
They deceive our parents in to giving away the live flesh from their body.
The utilization of fear upon the ignorant., Supernatural threats based on
the Christian philosophy of suffering and misery following death.                                       The disturbing reality of the Christian community utilizing scripture as tools of condemnation to justify stealing babies.
The psychological manipulation of expectant mother, Of the deplorable violations in human dignity. Arguments that a pregnant women is too young and poor. The irony of problems are temporary, and not necessarily are they problematic. A newborn infants only need is mother. Outside of the womb In the arms of it's mother. The newborn infant is an extension of the mother. To deliberately disturb the sacred natural bond between mother and child is a cruel abomination. The intentional disruption of human dignity will result in lifetimes of unnatural effects and dire circumstances that can never be healed.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Disowned, Disinherited, Denied Cycles of the Adoptee

How many times have I been disowned, kicked out, rejected and ejected from my loving adoptive home environment., Decisions by the County of San Diego's Department of Social Service professional's decisions based "In my best Interests".
When your parents tell you to get out of their lives,                                 Get out of their house and Don't come back.......
The tone and the scene is one of screaming and yelling. This recurring
"Family Late Show" takes place at night, and usually initiated by intoxicated arguing parents. The fight is escalating into a knock down screaming match where #1. I tried to intervene. #2. Took the wrong side of the argument. #3. Wrong place at the right time. #4. The fight
was based on my inadequacy. #5. The fight was based on my parents threatening divorce. #6 Based on their general alcoholic lack of memory.
When a young person is being screamed at, shoved and hit, the memory creates a big impression that is not easily forgotten and can not be mistaken for "They were joking, and really didn't mean it" (If I was stupid enough to bring this up)
The fight and flight reflex that we adoptees learn well how to escape
becomes a natural response to "get out" and we leave the drama.
Go back to that friend or boyfriend's house and find sanctuary in any
place on earth but our family's home. For a time we pretend this is a new start, an improvement or a worse predicament  To adoptees it is just a temporary change, so try to enjoy it while you can. The reality of our personal misery will surface all to quickly for us. Days may pass even months may go by and eventually they will decide that we have been punished long enough. The parent will go to the toy-box and get the puppets out again to play.
Then somehow during this time of great peace, self reflection
and personal growth as an individual....
The barb that is permanently embedded through my lip begins to feel the tension. Then comes the sharp and forceful jerking against gravity.
My brain tells me to resist, fight back and try to escape the entrapment.
The restraint tether that is staked in to my heart begins to feel the pull of being reeled back in. The volume becomes louder and the stage turns round in the circus of my psychological distress. 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Post Adoption Services? County of San Diego Activity Is Questionable

The County of San Diego, Health and Human Sales Services, Adoption Agency.....  My Acquisition by SD County (HHSA Adoptions)
                  SD County negociated with biological mother for the rights
                  of my ownership. The plans for immediate adoption
                  fell apart, as I was born with birth defects from Dioxin.
                  The county was now stuck with a sick newborn and
                  responsible for medical care. The product was defective.
                  Anticipated profits from this child sale looked grim.
                  Four foster homes later they found a buyer, and were
                  able to recap the losses from the defective product, ME.

Post Adoption Services:
One would expect counselling, advice, group meetings, literature....etc.
I was sent a 10 pages stapled together of websites to aid in searching for my parents. Then 4-5 pages outlining the expected psychological trauma and problems that are normal and expected to happen to all adopted children. Very informative. So Post Adoption Services is to reunification with real parents, in a nut-shell. The staff couldn't be more
annoyed by my inquiries, and act as though I am bothering them.
This agency is responsible for their poor administrative decisions.
The lease they could do is have apathy for adoptee's that are victims
of the San Diego department of health and human services adoptions.

......Reviewing the 2010 budget (which is a public record) states
that this county agency gets large sums of state and federal funding for "Post Adoption Services". The ten copied pages and postage that I received do not amount to millions of dollars. Maybe $5.00 for a ream of paper. What is going on at the coveted county?

AS I search over and again, make calls and inquire

Home Life of the Adopted Child

The inconsistent morning

I awaken as mom's screaming from her bed, telling the kids to get up.
Then she demands to do my hair while dad is sitting on the toilet. The plumes of his cigarette smoke, the can of aqua net. The steady and foul smell of shit make bathroom a torture chamber. I am forced to hold still looking straight into the mirror.  Watching my dad wipe his ass a thousand times and then begins to smear. This image that I have tried to block out, although if I tried to block every thing that is gross or shameful, I would have no memories.
Mom sitting on the toilet,
and dad laying in the bath, this is where they want to talk with me about what bad thing I have done. Although this smokey room looking at my parents private parts is punishment enough. If I cover or close my eyes
They will slap me in the face. I think my shyness makes them mad,
I inspire their disgrace. It is ironic how they value appearance and their bar friends view them as upstanding citizens. She will force me to wear a dress too short to cover my panties, yet spend an hour in the torture room styling my hair. Then dump me daily late to school and after that I will wait. I am not allowed to take the bus, nor am I allowed to walk home. Everyday I sit and wait into the dark for my mom to pick me up.
When I was much younger I relied upon the bus, I would go and come from school on time. No one was ever home, and being home alone for me was normal. My life has been at the mercy of my adopted mother's whims. Some nights when she was home alone, she would make me go with her searching the bar's parking lots for my dad's car. She would be angry and cussing why dad went out without her. If she found his car, she would write a nasty note and put it on the windshield. Sure she was drinking her wine while sitting pissed off at home. Then she would get a good buzz going then her anger sets in. Then in the car to drive around to all the bars to find him. When dad would finally get home the shit would hit the fan. They will fight kick and scream late into the night.
When they would go to the bar together, and then the bar would close.
they would fight all the way home in the car. At home as they walk fighting and come through the front door, dad yells "wake up the kids"
Let them watch how cruel there mother becomes. Punching holes in all of the walls, and crying on the floor. Toward the morning winding down
the last stand of the fight. My dad takes out his 38 handgun and threatens suicide. Mom ignores him and goes to bed, while us three children are left to console the crying drunk father with a gun. His last stand of the suicide threats is to throw it through the glass window.
A few hours later when the sun comes up, no one will speak a word
about why we were up all night. My brothers will go out into the grove to find the gun. Dad's breakfast is the hair of the dog, and he will go off to work. Mom will get up late, then stuff the holes with newspaper and plaster away them gone. All will be restored to normal, as long as no
one says a word. Even if I said something, Nobody would have herd.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

U.S. Department of Consumer Affairs Incharge of Child Abduction & Adoptions? What!!

International child traffic sales up for 2012
Child slavery is OK, according to the dept. consumer affairs.
Desk jockeys provide government insight regarding involvement of international Affairs of child traffic. These clowns are the baby sales police, disturbing!
The Department of Consumer Affairs represents the best interest of the child trafficer, when dealing with international baby sales.
Exerpts from (Wikipedia.org/child abduction adoption) publications
The Office of Children's Issues is an agency of the Bureau of Consular Affairs, which in turn is part of the USDepartment of State The Office of Children's Issues and the broader US State Department has received sustained criticism by parents of children abducted to and from the US and the lawyers who represent them for failing to treat international child abduction as a human rights issue rather than a diplomatic irritant,[citation needed] and taking a non-partisan, impartial role rather than effectively advocating for victimized parents and abducted children.[3]


Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Adoption Triad

The Adoption Triad  
  This Image reflects the thriving business of selling children. People wanting to
obtain children.,  Children
removed from their family.
Child Real Estate Agents,
Working to get your baby. 

Find Your Birthparents Today!

I found my birth-parents with the county of San Diego's adoption agency
From which I was bought and sold in 1968. No amount of pleading about my child's need for a transplant, It was not an important enough reason.
They sent me a few non-identifying papers., With bio mom, dad's last
name blacked out. It listed many identifying information when cross referenced with Census,  property and utility records. Names of siblings
first names of entire families can be found so many places. With the recent release of 1940 records will make searches easier. I went to an
adoption search blog looking for search help. Professional search people
are trolling for stories., I posted my small bit of information, within days
there were ten or more people who narrowed it down and a few were emailing me with my bio parent's phone numbers. If I knew it would be so easy, I would have found them years ago. Do beware as some of these helpers have agendas of their own, and may contact without your
knowledge, or hijack the information in exchange for exclusive rights to your private life's story. Don't wait another day to call the store that sold you and get your 'non-identifying' paperwork. Get on it!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Finding Family Irony

In the excitement of finally locating my biologic relatives, my hopes were
destroyed in a matter of minutes and days. I guess some people do not want to be reminded that you are the reason for their life's suffering. Or
maybe they take comfort in the miserable existence and perpetual punishment they feel worthy of. In my case I might have been better off
leaving my secrets unknown. Except for the fact that I have no identity,
and to move forward I need and deserve to know who I am regardless of
who might become uncomfortable to know I am alive, not well. I am the average adoptee, fucked up, lost and fumbling in this vast world. The secrets that enslave me make up the dungeon walls of society. I am to
continue the charade of polite appreciation of those who act in "my best
interests" which lead to the usual unproductive citizenship of adoptees.
Now I know the cowards of which I am spawn I am nothing like them, and also a carbon copy. My spirit is not as broken as them, and my fighting spirit keeps me defiantly from becoming those broken soles that gave in to the society that placed them in ruin. They both swallowed the
bitter religion that keeps them chained to their demons and guilt. Both bio mom and dad far from each other they are close in their lying and deceptive ways. Ball-Chained to their mistakes they are broken individuals mainly concerned with public sentiment and appearances.
They are governed with what other people think, the worst crime of a person's soul. I am nothing like them, I am nothing like where I've been.
I would rather flounder, fumble, and stumble through life than submit to
become what they have given up.     

Adoption-Truth Speaks Profound Real Truth

The author of Adoption-Truth reduced me to profound silence and flowing tears as I read her most powerful words erupting from her heart.  
This woman can write, as she pens from the blood that pulses through her life's experience. Her powerful message tells the truth through the
depths of despair of all adoption victims. She reveals the trauma, the
inability and helplessness when we are all deceived in our best interest.
There is no sacrifice in stealing futures, No honor in invalidation and brings to the light the suffering that plagues our lives forever. Thank
you for your truth, a rarity for second class adoptees.   

Thursday, July 19, 2012

No Civil Rights for American Children

The sacred civil rights guaranteed to all Americans, forgot a large segment of the population. Children under age 18 have no rights.,
These rights are held by the child's responsible adult guardian. The
expectation in principal is to act on the behalf of the child. Guardians
that neglect, abuse and mistreat children are the same individuals that
hold children's civil rights in safe keeping. How can we as a society accept the paradox that a neglectful guardian would consider the best interest of a minor child.  The philosophy of the principals of best interest to one person will be contradictory to another. In a perfect society child abuse is non existent, and children's civil rights are respected. In the U.S. The guardian responsible to a child's rights
is the same person who abuses the child. A child that has a respectful parent  does not need to address civil rights.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Bio Dad Sexually Exploits Daughter

Over a year of phone conversations, made me believe I was starting to know who this stranger was. Trusting him to the extent of considering having him live with my family. To be sure I had to visit him in his comfort zone, flying three thousand miles to the 1950's of the south. The land of racial segregation, hate of everyone who is not white and daily verbal attacks on non existent gays. In this disturbing disreputable culture of the real white trash, I find myself in the thick of all that I refuse to accept.
Upon my arrival, I meet dad and Joey whom he rents his room for fifteen years.
Joey loans me his car and I plan to bring it back to him that evening. My father
tells me how important Joey is working at his job working at the company over 25
years. Joey manages 30+ male employees and drivers, and is a third generation company worker. As I get ready to drop off the car, my dad tells me what he need me to do while I am out. He asks me to get all dolled-up and put on some war paint. When you get to Joey's work, I need you to make a big deal when you give him the keys. Make sure all the men can see you when you give him a real big kiss and hug. "Really make over Joey" when you see him, and make sure all the boys get a real good look at you. I want them all to be wondering what the hell is going on over here, when you leave the car. This will really get those boys
to thinking. I bet they never thought this was coming.  Nothing like some twisted  fatherly pressure.

The first day I meet my biological father, he sexually exploits me like an unpaid Whore. He sees me as a tool for jokes, manipulation, and sexual deception.
He believes that I am stupid and ignorant because I am a women. In previous
phone conversations dad has said many inappropriate and sexually suggestive statements, and dirty jokes that belong in an all guy audience at the dive bar.
The most disturbing was a poem or joke he wrote and wanted my feedback.
As he read this to me over the phone I was so grossed out!            
He wrote about eating a woman and she closed her legs and broke his glasses.  He thinks that he is funny, saying it to your female child is sickly deranged.                                            The sexual discussion topic belongs with a proper audience.
Never have this form of sexual discussion with your child.
The problem is his need to convey a thriving sexual image to his adult daughter  
creates serious concern for my safety and well being.
The second problem exists in regard to truth and dealing with people who choose
not to be clear about what really is going on. Close friends and family purposely influence the way others see them. By creating stories that make themselves look better and in most cases "the hero" instead of boring, simple honest and truthful.
My dad has told me how he became disabled. He was walking out to the mailbox
in the dark. He tripped over the tree roots and fell into the storm drain.                                  
I did finally get the true version of dad's disability accident. Walking outside drunk and carrying a pot of rotten chilli to dump in the storm drain along the street. He falls in the storm drain while attempting to toss the pot. He lays in the storm drain over night covered in rotten chilli. How fitting!

Adopting A Novelty Child

Throughout my life, I have been viewed as a novelty ignored without any tone of being taken seriousness.
 being female has made any words that I have spoken completely ignored. As children observe and reflect their environment  

Adoption Sucks by Arrogant Christian Followers

I say Christian followers because they follow like cows to the slaughter.
Reading some Adoption Sucks Blogs, The recurring nightmare of Christian Arrogance compounds, and astounds me. How the Arrogance of American
Christian's ruins some of the hope for adoption. The Christian in the U.S.
does not follow Christianity, they follow their Idea of what they believe it means
to be Christian. Each version is unique to how the individual paints their religions
belief. The only Christian uniform is the greed driven appearance to the outsiders.
California Christians enjoy the persona of wearing the Christian costume. Following what is currently sensationalized, The predictable drones covet celebrities, and what other people purchase. Cars, Homes, and Adopted Babies are
things that give individuals status in the eye's of their piers.  Their greed driven
personality is the entitlement that ruins a christian's personality. When Christians
purchase children, the adopted child becomes a possession and not a family member. (Example: When I call my adopted parent's home, my dad answers the
phone and says "Your daughter is on the phone") At 45 I am still regarded as her bought and paid for possession. I was raised in the same principal of ownership.
American Christians disregard all other religious philosophy and non religious philosophy. They verbally disrespect other monotheistic christian based churches,
including Catholicism as Catholic's do not discuss their personally held beliefs.
Unlike Christians the Catholic keeps his personal business to himself. The problem
with adoptive christian families all privacy is neglected especially the privacy of an adopted child. The family sees the adopted child as their personal act of charity within the Christian faith, and constantly seek approval for this large donation
that is constantly needing eighteen years of funding. Christian parents feel they are saving the non christian orphan from their inborn culture and ignorant religion.
To expect the promotion of an adoptee's culture and religion from the christian family is an impossibility. As they loathe any thought or philosophy outside of the only valid religious teaching. The only hope for these adoptees is that they can escape the programming or deprogram themselves when they flee at age 18.


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Adoptee's Search Resulting In More Lies

When you are adopted, Being submerged in secrecy makes adoptees mad. We have no patients in life for liars due to all the lies that have been forced down our throats. . As an adult, the lying general public is infuriating. The older a person
-the bigger the lies they tell.  Fluster is the emotion most observed, than morphing into anger. Just how stupid and gullible do people think we are? when searching for truth about personal identity we bastards are in desperation mode and act with haste. The Adult that gave away their offspring wants to paint themselves as monks and nuns. They at this venue in life are stellar upstanding citizens. Then their dirty adult secret shows up asking a lot of questions, which is threatening to their phony public profile. My bio-mom was no different, In fact
                    This Bio Mom's lies are so frequent, so many,
even lying about things that do not matter., The best example was my question about why she moved to Arkansas? She creates this phony persona of extreme
Christian, servant to Christ.   She says that she prayed and prayed about where to retire. She wanted to serve god but did not join a convent or go on a mission where people actually need help.  Do you really think
God gives a shit about where you retire? Her third husband bought a home there
because they both are cheep....And the Klan meetings are close by.
My reality to the searchers is beware! Sometimes our fantasized family is much
more comforting than the real freaks that we seek. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

Alcoholic Offspring Become Dry Drunks

Adult Children of alcoholics can not immediately see alcoholism that is in your face.
I have submersed myself in dangerous alcoholic situations all of my adult life. All of
the signs, symptoms and obvious living conditions are in my face and not attempted to be hidden from my view. Yet I do not see what is right in front of me.
I have even contributed financially to someone else's alcoholic lifestyle to the point of my own financial collapse.. I do not see what simply is presented right in front of my open eyes.  It can be spelled out with abhorrent living conditions, drunken parties where I am the only person not drinking or drunk, and spending my last dollars to buy a friend or relative a twelve pack due to their lacking of alcohol.
My inability to survey any environment for my own safety and personal regard is severely handicapped. I am completely at ease with addicts, alcoholics and criminals., Although would not allow this kind of company exposed to my children. Now that they are grown, I have endless free time and have found trouble as each new relationship. I am the drinkless drunk seeking out the bowels of society for
friendship worthy of a disreputable disturbance.
Pathetically, It is only a pathetic lack of self, being acceptable by those whom in retrospect are not deserving of my twisted dedication. It becomes obvious once I am removed or run from a new predicament that I have found myself again feeling uncomfortable with my surroundings. But everything in my world is not comfortable so I do not know what the difference is. Usually either my money is gone or some other violation exists that prevents me from the next predictable step.  I am dangerous to myself in the regard that I haven't the recognition of the obvious if my life depended on it.
What is normal to any person is what life was as a small child. Our childhood home and the behaviors of our childhood family, this is what constitutes us as individuals from our foundation of early life. In this bedrock of a child's learning, we observe, mimic what we see, and duplicate our parent's behaviors. This is involuntary, primal and predictable human behavior. Regardless of social adherence or deviance we become what is presented to us while we are children.

Ignoring the Primal Wound

When a person's skin is cut or bones broken, thick "scar tissue" begins to cover the entire effected area. When we ignore the injury, it becomes infected or can break open the thick callous revealing a deep wound that will be difficult to heal within a long duration.
Through our life our body will always remind us of this injury by the pain and  appearance of this scarred location. Our flesh and our mind are made from the same matter, but scars to one's emotional damage are easily hidden and unseen.
Yet the same physical manifestation of scar tissue and healing attempt in the same
manner. When ignored become infectious, scarring wounds of the emotional self.
When an emotional wound is ignored, anger and hate are excellent ways to cover
the opening.  When we ignore the issue's need to resolve (with attention to the assault) The problem will repeat itself over and again in our head, until we explode
or intentionally suppress the problem deep down inside. Living out our lives with these miserable unresolved issues that now play nightly in our dreams or silent thoughts kept quietly to ourselves. Counselling can help us but our culture denies it's necessity., Our society is busting with emotionally damaged individuals whom ignore their problems and pretend that everything is fine on behalf of appearances.
These individuals go on to hurt and kill innocent people, kill themselves or end up in prison. Exist under the law radar living miserable lives of the ordinary.
 This behavior pattern is reflected daily in the newspaper of every town in the U.S..
If our culture took responsibility for their hate and bias, our world would evolve.
Being accountable for our actions and aware of the harm we give daily to others is a monumental change to everyday life in America. 

Friday, April 20, 2012

The Award Winning Adoptive Parent

From societies perspective, The adoptive parent provides solutions to the problem of unwanted children. They have also created a thriving industry like that of garbage turned into recycled products. No one wants to deal with their own stinking trash, and to pay someone to get rid of it, is a
win-win situation where everyone benefits, everyone profits.

Disposable-Indiscretions or Children

This throw-away culture our society has created grows thick with hypocrisy. The greatest contributors to the suffering and humiliation of unwed mothers are our
trusted religious institutions. The churches were the first to streamline feminine
shame, and embraced the opportunity to profit. Current "open adoption" trends threaten the foundation that the shame circle was built. The punishment of the guilty christian is to loose her proper appearance in the eyes of the church and congregation. When an unmarried church member becomes spoiled by the filthy seed of illegitimate pregnancy, her banishment and the relinquishment of her baby
will somehow return her church membership card and erase her sin. Not likely.                   During a families nine month missing daughter, everyone in the church and town
know exactly what is happening and the compliant woman will still be labeled a slut.
In the eyes of human decency what kind of woman could give away their own flesh
and blood? Most women can not part with their jewelry and clothing, But when it
comes to bearing a human baby she easily shares her wares like a dozen extra cookies in a batch. What of the women who give freely whole litters, an entire
generation of children out there on their own. They will be found in prisons, mental
hospitals, and at the bottom of society's food chain. Once the novelty of "baby"
wears off, they begin to grow into children, kids and the dreaded teens. The end of the line for most adoptees as now they can legally run away from the life chosen on your behalf. The reality of this preconceived notion
of "instant baby" is similar to a store bought doll, but the doll will get more play.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Who Is It, That Shapes Our Lives?

Who is it that shapes our lives? The strangers and friends we come in contact
give us strong contributions to what we convey to others. Certain behaviors we
incorporate, stories that touch our inner being and simple kindness shape us forever. Ever a stranger of which we may pass may change us still, for we are
the evolving human from which humanity is spawn.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

A Christian Mother and Child Reunion

Adoptee Rage....On Meeting "The Mother"

I met my uterine-Hostess at a family beach day, organized by her sister, my "aunty Di". Unknown to me, I was the secret "surprise" guest.....More like the Guest of dis-honor. The Mother avoided me and talking to me. She sat at the far opposite end of the family's beach picnic. Of the 20 plus people and children all sat horrified with amazement as they stared at me on one end and Cheryl far far to the right like a tennis match without a ball.

On this monumental day for me, she forgot her manners along with her good christian hat.  Like an angry child, The Mother simply ignored me, while pretending I did not exist. I sat there for what seemed an eternity,  feeling miserable, humiliated, and so ashamed to be stuck in a place where you are not welcomed.  Embarrassed and perplexed my "real" family just kept staring at my pathetic state, waiting for some kind of interaction or reaction to happen at this mother and child reunion.
Surrounded by her family, the mother continued to go about her business playing
with grand children and conversation with sisters and daughters in law. When no one was watching, I was
able to slither back to my truck and make my get away. On my long drive home, I
kept wondering what was it that I did wrong?

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Work of Alice Miller on Emotions, Unhealthy Relationships and Corporal Punishment

Work of Alice Miller on Emotions, Unhealthy Relationships and Corporal Punishment:

'via Blog this' I the "Adoptee" have a psychological
Hand print on the right side of my face., From the
continual slapping of my face by my mother. No matter the crime, mistake, or out of order speaking
that comprise my offense. The quick reaction to the
adopted kid opening their mouth and letting sound come out, or the "Look" being slapped off my face
as a way to control any form of contempt. The not so appreciative child may learn to internalize all anger and madness to the point of explosion or personally initiated destruction. To program your child not to express any feelings, is like waiting for an atomic bomb, eventually she will go off.,Or will hold all those feelings inside to self implode.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

"Closure" Invalidates the Adoptee

As a Victim of Adoption, I recently discovered my true identity. The fraudulent and disreputable  circumstances of which I was bought and sold.

 I am routinely asked about my biological family; the most common reply I hear is in regard to "Closure"......Closure of What? What is going to close?....It is not five o'clock yet. What exactly am I closing?      How do we go from "Vitally Important Personally Identifying Information" (I have waited all my life to find information) to the responding word "closure".
 This phrase is invalidating to myself, my life-long struggle with having no identity, and the lack of tools and knowledge to learn how to properly identify and deal with the problems associated with adopted children. Adoptees are expected to ignore and avoid such situations., Do not talk about it, Don't bring up the subject, not to be  self-centered, selfish children. Be silent 'Be seen and not herd' and 'Speak when spoken to', Do not interrupt or annoy the adults.

  I have not had the choice or opportunity to discuss being abandoned, sold or adopted in the first place. Now they want to shut me down before I have had time to process all of this information, not to mention the unmentionable
'Feelings' that should accompany the biological discovery. Through this dialogue I have come to despise the word Closure. It is like a catch-phrase
people are programmed to say, when they do not want to really hear what I am saying. People are programmed to be polite, like asking someone
"How are You" when they do not care.
In our culture to be a liar to someone's face is considered to be polite. Commonly saying things
that people want to hear, although not truthful.

This disturbing behavior this is just a bad habit to act like you care when clearly we don't. To give the illusion of being polite liars.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Adoptee's Lack of Legal Rights

 When tip-toeing around the fact, an adoptee's two legal names.  All adopted persons have two identities. The original real name,
and the fictitious adoptive name change. This fictitious name
that adoptees are forced to accept by law, but in our hearts we will never give it the respect that law demands. Young adoptees
plan to find themselves at their legal adulthood age of 18.
Adult adoptee's view the entire 'adoption secrecy quagmire' as
redundant, and absolutely ridiculous., The most hysterical fact of the Adoption Industry partner with the states is
that all state sponsored Adoption Industry Agency will clean up your sexual indiscretions, Pay you to ignore your child, and
legally backed transactions making sealed records not obtainable
to adoption victims.

Fact: In California, Filing formal court request to unseal adoption records., Providing legal documentation of illness and need. You are dying from an acceptable documented disease,and need a
Bone marrow transplant to save your life. The court will say No! As this case is not compelling enough for the court to unseal the records. They will use the privacy rights of the birth parents in
their rejection of your case.

We find a way, and like a magic wand, Our identity is found. We
begin to walk the road of self-discovery when we know who we are. When we know who we are, we begin to allow ourselves to
trust in the facts. So much of the adoption agencies files,records and documentation are LIES! What we have been told is LIES!
The only thing we adoptees can trust in is factual evidence.
Non adoptee, birth parent or adoptive parent may lie about so
many things to justify, or live with what their selfish and guilty offensives.

We are not allowed to Talk About Adoption!

Not often we adoptee's are asked what we think about adoption. If we were asked, we could not properly answer the question due to several variables. Our guilt based christian programming gives
us negative feelings about bad and good, causing us confusion to an already broken self esteem. Raised in the "speak when spoken to" era, teaches us that our "input" is not wanted, and will result in punishment if we give our unsolicited opinion. We were not asked what we thought, Nor did we know how to reply.                                   
We were not taught or encouraged to participate in family
conversation. Many of us adoptees still do not know how to talk, or engage in adult discussions. The chronically repeated term "Be seen and not herd" means to a child: you have no value, to the family., Excluding is something adoptees have learned well.
We were excluded from the group of which we belong from birth.
Exclusion is how we define ourselves, what we identify as normal and common. The adoptive parents and their many groups are well aware of our adoption status. Adult conversations about our
downfalls and limitations are attributed to the fact that we are adopted. In our presence,  families and their friends talk openly about our adoption, yet not with us. A dishonorable state we are kept in, to survive the humiliation we deny the behavior's existence. Creating excuses and alternative reasoning of
the many denial factors of which we operate., Suppressing  the deep down seeded shame adopted children live with every day.
question. Depending on who asked, and for what reason., There
is an unspoken rule: Adopted kids are not allowed to talk about being adopted. If put on the spot, we are expected to give the appropriate answer: My parents are all I need, want, or something similar and a genuine tribute to the prizewinning parents that disrupted their lives to give an unwanted child a home. Other responses we all know and loathe: "I was chosen"
"They chose me"....bla, bla, bla, Vomit!
I am not interested in searching for someone who does not want me...When we say 'Afraid of getting hurt' we are lying, as "hurt"
is the only thing that is consistent in our lives.
 We are broken props that were useful when we were babies,
Then we grew up. With age comes the awareness about what
huge mistakes were made in our "Best Interest", Were not to
benefit our best-interests at all. The decisions made for our best interest were for the interest of the 'flash in the pan' temporary
maternal want to own a genuine baby. To keep the Adoption  Industry's systems and administrators keeping their jobs. To
keep the arrogant adoption administrators in their chosen field  "playing God" while selling other people's children. So if you think you have got the bastard adopted child all figured out,
you do not know anything. We are not going to cooperate!