About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Schizotypical or Just Adoptee


Adoptive Parent's Need to Psychologically Diagnose Adoptee's
Schizotypical or Just Adoptee

The innocent, easy-going, happy adopted child that "believes that they are lucky to be adopted" are not the adopted child's perspective at all...but is the perspective of the adoptive parents that they project on to their adopted child. The adoptive parents want to believe that the child understands the things that they explain, yet they do not.  Young children are naturally agreeable to their parents without knowing any details as what motivates the child is making the parent happy and getting positive attention from their parent. This is a common delusion of adoptive parents that they think they have explained complex concepts to the child and the child understood because they nodded their head and said they understood. In reality the young child has no capacity to comprehend complex concepts explained to them, as cognitive awareness is not available until adolescence when mental maturity begins to develop. Throughout young childhood the parent believes that everything they have explained to their child was understood and stored as knowledge of the world, when it was not. The message simply went in but was not retained or comprehended.  
This is why the adoptive parents are shocked when the contrasting behavior in adolescence is so hard to take as adoptive parents want the child fixed immediately by psychotherapists and demand a return to the easy immature life of the young adopted child.  Where the switch of knowledge is turned on in the adolescent's mind and their true awareness of the world begins to have a profound effect on the adopted child that is beginning to grasp the concept of what adoption has taken from them, what they have lost and how their life is seriously impacted by being adopted is no laughing matter but a tragic perpetration of a childhood effecting one's entire life not for the better. The adopted child develops cognitive awareness and realizes their reality is a harsh emotional world of self knowledge and the adoption is a dramatic consequence of their existence. The adoptive parents want their compliant, happy ignorant younger version of their adopted child back...as if the adoptive parents could un-crack the egg of knowledge, comprehension or awareness. Seeking self justified answers adoptive parents refuse to believe their parenting had any impact on the child, adoption is a no-issue family maker, so it must be mental illness in the adopted child to change so dramatically in adolescence. They send the child to psychotherapy, inpatient psychiatry, they drug the child, use treatments that terrify and damage the adopted child forever just because they refuse to acknowledge the truth that the kid is different from them and specifically deny any adoption related consequences. In the process the adolescent adoptee is traumatized by the parent's denial, refusal to accept and demand the adopted child's psycho-medical treatment and diagnosis to justify their unyielding opinions.
The scary part of the schizotypical diagnosis is it mirrors adopted children in context:
Schizotypical:"A.  A pervasive pattern of deficits in interpersonal relatedness peculiarities of ideation, appearance, and behaviour, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by at least five of the following:
1. ideas of reference
2. excessive social anxiety, e.g., extreme discomfort in social situations involving familiar and unfamiliar people
3. odd beliefs or magical thinking, influencing behavior and inconsistent with sub-cultural norms (of adopted family), e.g., superstitiousness, belief in clairvoyance, telepathy, or "sixth sense," "others can feel my feelings" (in children and adolescents, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations)
4. unusual perceptual experiences, e.g.  illusions, sensing the presence of a force or person not actually present (e.g., "I felt as if my dead mother were in the room with me")
5. odd or eccentric behavior or appearance, e.g., unkempt, unusual mannerisms, talks to self
6. no close friends or confidants (or only one)
odd speech (without loosening of associations or incoherence) e.g., speech that is impoverished, digressive, vague, or inappropriately abstract
7. inappropriate or constricted affect, e.g.  silly, aloof, rarely reciprocates gestures or facial expressions, such as smiles or nods
suspiciousness or paranoid ideation". 
This disorder, more common in males than females, has been estimated to affect about 3% of the population.  In a sense they are sometimes thought of as “ mild schizophrenics” but do not show the gross disorganisation in thinking and feeling or severe symptoms as the latter.  However, they all appear to be pretty idiosyncratic and often creatively talented and curious.  They often hold very strange beliefs enjoying the occult.  They have odd habits, eccentric lifestyles and a rich inner life.
In the Millon system they are described thus: “Eccentric, self-estranged, bizarre, absent. Exhibit peculiar mannerisms and behaviors. Think they can read thoughts of others. Preoccupied with odd daydreams and beliefs. Blur line between reality and fantasy. Magical thinking and strange beliefs. People with (SPD) are often described as odd or eccentric and usually have few, if any, close relationships. They generally don't understand how relationships form or the impact of their behavior on others”. (ADOPTEES!)
A number of studies have sought to look at personality correlates of highly creative people and various studies have demonstrated a relationship between creativity and schizotypy. (Acar & Runco, 2012). Studies have also been done looking at broad higher-order traits like Openness and Psychoticism, as well as narrower traits like hypomania. In a meta-analysis of the relationship between creativity and schizotypy, Acar and Sen (2013) found a mean effect size of .07 based on 45 studies which included 268 effect sizes. They looked at five possible moderators and found only the type of schizotypy significant. There was no effect for the different measures of schizotypy, but none chose to use the measure employed in this study. The results from the meta-analysis suggested that positive-impulsive schizotypy related to Extraversion, but not negative-disorganised schizotypy related to introversion was most closely related to creativity. Some of my papers looking at the relationship between schizotypy and creativity are noted below.
Dotlick and Cairo (2003) labels the Schizotypal leader as Eccentric enjoying being different for its own sake. There is all the difference between being creative, off-beat and quirky as opposed to weird, impractical and unrealistic.  The trouble with eccentric leaders is that they are full of ideas and initiatives that go nowhere.  Further stakeholders are confounded by their non-conformist style.  They seem unable or unwilling to prioritise, to collaborate and co-operate being stubborn individualists and therefore to suffer from the problem that others don’t take them seriously.  Like all others they need insight and self-awareness about the consequences of their actions.   They need to see and close the gap between their intentions and their impact. They need dedicate staff who can and will execute their ideas.  They also need to know the price they pay for being different.
Hogan and Hogan (1997) call these types Imaginative and describe them thus: they think about the world in unusual and often quite interesting ways.  They may enjoy entertaining others with their unusual perceptions and insights.  They are constantly alert to new ways of seeing, thinking, and expressing themselves, unusual forms of self-expression.  They often seem bright, colourful, insightful, imaginative, very playful, and innovative, but also as eccentric, odd, and flighty.
These people are curiously interesting and maybe fun to be around.  But they are distractible and unpredictable and as managers they often leave people confused regarding their directions or intentions.  They tend to mis-communicate in idiosyncratic and unusual ways.  At their best, these people are imaginative, creative, interesting, and amazingly insightful about the motives of others, but at their worst, they can be self-absorbed, single-minded, insensitive to the reactions of others, and indifferent to the social and political consequences of their single-minded focus on their own agendas.
Under stress and heavy work-loads, they can become upset, lose focus, lapse into eccentric behavior, and not communicate clearly.  They can be moody and tend to get too excited by success and too despondent over failure.  They do want attention, approval, and applause, which explains the lengths that they are willing to go in order to attract it.
To work with the imaginative reports needs primarily to be a good audience, to appreciate their humor, creativity, and spontaneity, and to understand that they do not handle reversals very well.  They will not mind suggestions and recommendations regarding important decisions, and in fact may even appreciate them.  Reports should study their problem solving style, listen to their insights about other people, and model their ability to "think outside the box."
Oldham and Morris (2000), who call these types idiosyncratic, note:"The following six traits and behaviors are clues to the presence of the Idiosyncratic style.  A person who reveals a strong Idiosyncratic tendency will demonstrate more of these behaviors more intensely than someone with less of this style in his or her personality profile.
Inner life.  Idiosyncratic individuals are tuned in to, and sustained by, their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular worldview or approach to life.
Own World.  They are self-directed and independent, requiring few close relationships.
Own thing.  Oblivious to convention, Idiosyncratic individuals create interesting, unusual, often eccentric lifestyles.
Expanded reality.  Open to anything, they are interested in the occult, the extrasensory, and the supernatural.
Metaphysics.  They are drawn to abstract and speculative thinking.
Outward view.  Though they are inner-directed and follow their own hearts and minds, Idiosyncratic men and women are keen observers of others, particularly sensitive to how other people react to them." 
The imaginative, idiosyncratic person is unlikely to reach very high position in organisations though they may be promoted in advertising or academia.  The absent-minded, nutty professor; the creative advertising genius may share many schizotypical behavious.  If talented they may do well but rarely as managers of others.
The literature suggests that schizotypal people have a rich inner life and often seek emotional experience.  Hence they are drawn to religion and pharmacological techniques that promise "testing the limits".  Many seek rapture and nirvana.
They often have very odd ideas about business: how to succeed, who to hire, what controls what.  They can have very odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with business norms (e.g.) superstitiousness, belief in clairvoyance, telepathy.  They might get into crystals; feng shui, etc.  in a very big and serious way.  They can have odd thinking and speech styles being very vague or very elaborate.  They can seem "other-worldly" and maybe very difficult to follow.  They can have unusual perceptual experiences...  seeing things that are not there, smell and taste things differently.  Some are very suspicious or paranoid around the home and office.  They show inappropriate or constricted affect: that react oddly emotionally in various contexts.  That is they may become very emotional around some trivial issues but strangely and unpredictably cold at others.
Many organisations do not tolerate the odd behaviors of these idiosyncratic types.  They dress oddly and work odd hours.  They are not very loyal to their companies and do not enjoy the corporate world.  They don't "connect" with staff, customers and their bosses.  Their quirky quasi-religious beliefs that estrange them yet more from the normal world of the other people.  They are often loners.
But now both psychologist and psychiatrists have given up the typological, in favor of the dimensional approach. Thus it is not a case as to whether you are, or are not Schizotypal but the extent to which you are on a scale from very low to very high. Further, there may be situations or people who encourage or discourage schizotypal tendencies. Similarly there may be jobs and tasks where various schizotypal tendencies are helpful.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

The Deficit In Adopted Infants


The Deficit In Adopted Infants...
What Was Taken From Our Life Forcefully Changed Our Physiology
What causes stress during infancy? Laboratory and psychology research on animal and
human infants gives us many clues. Certainly, pain from unfortunate medical conditions
can create stress. So would pain from sensitivity reactions to formula or to foods passed
along in breastmilk. Physical abuse and extreme neglect provide a very high degree of
stress, but the effects of these severe cases are not the point of this text. Even short-term
separation from mother leads to elevated cortisol in infants, indicating stress.1,2 In fact,
after one full day of separation, infant rats already show altered brain organization of
chemical receptors.3 A similar rat study revealed that one day without mother actually
 doubled the number of normal brain cell deaths.
Animal findings demonstrate that isolation from mother, decreased skin stimulation, 
and withholding of breastmilk have biochemical and permanent brain consequences. 
Correlating these findings with human behavioral research suggests which events lead 
to chronic stress and its permanent consequences:
  • Allowing a child to "cry it out" without parental attention and affection
  • Not feeding the child when hungry
  • Not offering comfort when the child is disturbed or distressed
  • Limiting body contact during feeding, throughout the day, 
  • and during stressful parts of the night
  • Low levels of human attention, stimulation, "conversation," and play
When these occur regularly, they can lead to early chronic releases of high levels 
of stress hormones, as well as low expression of favorable hormones, as previously
 discussed. All these practices have been promoted during the last century in the form 
of scheduled feedings, "don't spoil the child," bottle feedings, which lead to propped 
bottles, and physical separation during the day and night.
While it is evident that genetic makeup and life experiences influence behavior, it has 
been demonstrated that experiences during infancy have the strongest and most 
persistent effect on adult hormone regulation, stress responses, and behavior.5Research 
has demonstrated that high levels of early physical contact and maternal responsiveness 
can even mitigate genetic predisposition for more extreme stress reactions.6
Biological psychology researcher Megan Gunnar and her colleagues did infant studies
 that confirmed animal research findings. In their work, infants three months of age who
 received consistent responsive care produced less cortisol. Also, eighteen-month-olds 
classified as insecurely attached (who had received lower levels of responsiveness)
 revealed elevated levels of stress hormone.7 These same children at age two continued 
to show elevated levels of cortisol and appeared more fearful and inhibited. Again, these 
children were those who had been classified as having lower levels of maternal 
responsiveness.8 Other investigations have confirmed these findings.9 Dr. Gunnar reports 
that the level of stress experienced in infancy permanently shapes the stress responses 
in the brain, which then affect memory, attention, and emotion.10
Cortisol and Stress
The HPA (hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenocortical) axis, a relationship between                                                                         specific brain organs and the adrenal glands, is the chief regulator of stress reactions. 
While several hormones direct stress reactions, often in concert with each other and 
with some playing more than one role, cortisol is probably the most typical of the 
stress hormones. It is the subject of many recent reports. During stress, stress 
hormones are released under control of the HPA axis to help the body cope. 
Cortisol can elevate the blood pressure and the heart rate, increase blood sugar, 
and interrupt digestive and kidney functions.
Norepinephrine responses and cortisol responses are connected. 
Both are released in reaction to excitement, exercise, and stress. 
Both cause increased heart rate, blood sugar, and brain activity. 
I have discussed how surges of norepinephrine during affection and play 
can promote learning in infants (you may remember how you occasionally 
learned better under the stress and excitement of last-minute studying), 
as well as bonding (since bonding occurs in children and adults when they 
share exciting activity). However, chronic exposure to "negative" stress 
causes chronic elevations of cortisol, instead of surges that have a positive effect. 
Chronically elevated cortisol in infants and the hormonal and functional adjustments 
that go along with it are shown to be associated with permanent brain changes 
that lead to elevated responses to stress throughout life, such as higher blood 
pressure and heart rate.11 This elevated response begins quite early. 
Even infants regularly exposed to stress already demonstrate higher cortisol 
releases and more sustained elevations of cortisol in response to stressful situations.12
Occasional surges of cortisol throughout the day can be beneficial, 
but continuously elevated stress hormone levels in infancy from a stressful 
environment are associated with permanent "negative" effects on brain development. 
Some evolutionary theories even go so far as to suggest that the heightened 
stress responses that apparently lead to aggressive behavior and early puberty 
serve a purpose, aiding survival of the species during drought, war, or other hardships.
Studies have shown that infants who receive frequent physical affection have 
lower overall cortisol levels,13 while psychological attachment studies reveal 
higher levels in insecurely attached children.14,15 Women who breastfeed also 
produce significantly less stress hormone than those who bottle-feed.16
Results of Infant Stress
Without regular closeness to a caregiver, an infant not only suffers from elevated 
stress hormones, but also receives less benefit from oxytocin surges and other 
positive biochemical influences. The biochemical environment imposed on an 
infant's brain during critical development stages affects the anatomy and functioning
 of the brain permanently.17 A poor biochemical environment results in less desirable 
emotional, behavioral, and intellectual abilities for the rest of a child's life.
As previously described, a brain developed in a stressful environment overreacts 
to stressful events and controls stress hormones poorly throughout life. 
Levels of cortisol and other stress hormones are regularly elevated in these individuals. 
As adults they may demonstrate "type-A" behavior, which is associated with a high 
risk of heart disease and adult-onset diabetes. Interestingly, one psychiatrist found 
that the poor health consequences for adults who received restricted mothering 
during childhood – high blood pressure and high levels of cortisol – closely 
resemble those in adults who lost a parent as a child.18 The effects, however, 
go way beyond one's blood pressure and ability to deal with stress.
The hippocampus, a structure important in learning and memory, 
is one brain site where development is affected by stress and bonding hormone levels. 
The level of the stress hormones circulating in an infant affects the number 
and types of receptors here.19 It has also been demonstrated that nerve cells 
in the hippocampus are destroyed as a result of chronic stress and elevated 
stress hormone levels, producing intellectual deficits as a consequence.20 
Memory and spatial learning deficits have been demonstrated in rats that 
suffered prolonged stress in infancy.21 Similarly, children with the lowest 
scores on mental and motor ability tests have been shown to be the ones 
with the highest cortisol levels in their blood.22
Premature development of puberty has also been associated with significantly 
higher levels of cortisol and other stress indicators.23 
This study additionally reports that these children have more depression, 
more behavior problems, and lower intelligence scores. 
Here again, the laboratory studies fully confirm psychological attachment studies.
 Furthermore, premature puberty increases one's risk of developing cancer.
In individuals who suffer from anxiety disorders, anorexia nervosa, and depression, excess production of cortisol is a very consistent finding.24 Oversecretion of stress hormones has also recently been implicated in obesity, Alzheimer's disease,25and accelerated aging symptoms.26 Animal studies have demonstrated decreased immune system functioning in infants subjected to the stresses of prolonged separation from mother,27,28 which coincides with the increased incidence of illness shown in less-attached children.
Much has been written about the first moments after a child is born. 
The infant, (if not entirely intoxicated by drugs used in labor),
 has been primed by hormones during the birth process to be 
born wide awake and alert for a short while.
 During this time the initial imprinting takes place. 
Already familiar with the voices of his parents, the baby, 
who can distinguish faces from other objects and body parts, 
gazes intently into the eyes of his parents, as if to record their images for life. 
He recognizes the odor of the amniotic fluid, which is chiefly his own, 
but is also that of his mother. His important early programming guides
 his mouth to seek and find a new physical method of maternal nourishment, 
and he is immediately attracted to the specific odor of the nursing vessels 
that will now replace his umbilical cord. 
The newborn, barely able to maintain his body temperature, 
finds comfort and ideal temperature regulation in contact with mom's
 warm body. Having known only the firm secure confinement of his womb,
 he feels comfortable against a warm body or in secure arms, 
and he will cry loudly, uncomfortable and anxious, if left to flail on 
a cold, hard surface. With his first taste of concentrated nutrition 
and immunity-providing colostrum, and hearing the familiar beating 
and gurgling sounds of mother's body, he soon falls into a peaceful sleep 
– even his heartbeat and breathing are regulated by mother's rhythms. 
As he sleeps, his first breaths and tastes of his mother establish normal, 
healthy flora in his digestive tract, providing defense against the less 
friendly microbes all around him.
Although all is not lost if an infant's life did not begin this way, 
this is the first chance for attachment and the first choice made 
regarding baby's health. There is a long life ahead for parents 
and child, and there are many directions a family can take. 
While a child is born seeded with specific potential (nature), 
the parenting style (nurture) will greatly influence the likelihood 
these latent abilities will come to fruition, much to the benefit or 
detriment of the child, family, and society.
Bonding Matters
Research on the biochemical factors influenced by child care methods 
demonstrates that with responsive parenting the body produces 
substances to help generate effective, loving, and lasting parents 
for an infant and infants who are strongly bonded to their parents. 
Over time these bonds mature into love and respect.
 Without a doubt these chemicals permanently organize 
an infant's brain toward positive behaviors and later development 
of strong, lasting attachments. However, the greatest lesson from 
these studies is that while nature has a very good plan, failure to 
follow it may lead to less desirable results. In other words, when 
parents heed instinctive desires to enjoy a great deal of closeness 
with their infants, by feeding them naturally and responding quickly
 to their needs and desires (which in the infant are truly one in the same),
 nature is designed to develop sensitive responsible adults. Withholding 
attention from an infant allows the vital chemical messengers to quickly
 diminish, and as a result, weak bonds are formed, and parenting becomes 
more arduous and less successful. At the same time, the infant manifests 
the effects of stress. Moreover, stress reactions and other behaviors in a 
child and the adult he will become are permanently altered in unfortunate ways. 
Aspects of the intellect and health may suffer as well.
The incredible, extensive, innate human system of hormonal rewards
 for consistent, close, and loving physical and social contact between 
parent and infant, and the just as incredible consequences, combined 
with the psychological research findings about attachment, 
provide overwhelming evidence for the intended plan for infant care, at least for me.
I once heard an older pediatrician say to a mother, strongly disapproving 
of the way her toddler clung to her and demanded that she hold him while
 his blood was drawn, "It all starts the first day you pick him up when he cries."
My only answer to this is, "Yes, it does."

Monday, July 31, 2017

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The Fetus's Development of Belonging


The Fetus's Development of Belonging

The blank slate theory used in adoption propaganda to deceive and perpetuate the idea that adoptive mothers can mold their new adopted child to satisfy the selfish needs and demands of potential adopting mothers, is still believed despite scientific evidence that disproved this destructive American urban legend.  The adoptive mother's chronic problem of cognitive dissonance where she believes only the psudo-facts what will justify her desires and the adopted child that will provide and fulfill them. Adoption in the U.S. exists only to find children for resource wealthy adoptive mothers. The adopted child exists to fill the voids, replace dead and could be children, and to provide for the supply to meet the financial demand. Nothing about child dignity, identity or child rights matters to the American public.


The scientific research showing that babies in the womb feel, taste, learn, and have some level of consciousness. One study had babies in the womb receiving “vibroacoustic stimulation” (Gonzalez-Gonzalez et al., 2006). That is a fancy way of saying sound waves were transmitted. For comparison purposes, there was also a control group that did not receive the treatment. After they were born, the babies who had received the stimulation were again given the same treatment. The result was that these babies recognized the signal and tended to calm down after receiving the signal. The researchers concluded that fetal life is able to learn and memorize with this capacity lasting into neonatal life (post-birth).
In other research, Anthony DeCasper and William Fifer created a nipple that was connected to an audio device (Kolata, 1984). This nipple test was given to 10 newborn babies. If a child sucked in one way they would hear their mother’s voice. Sucking in a different pattern would cause the child to hear another woman’s voice. The researchers found that the babies sucked in a way to hear their mothers. The same experiment was done using the sound of the mother’s heart beat and that of a male voice. The result was that the babies sucked in such a way as to hear the mother’s heart beat more often than the male voice.
DeCasper later did another test where he had sixteen pregnant women read a children’s book. They read the book out aloud twice a day for the last 6.5 weeks of their pregnancy. Once born, the babies were given the nipple test previously mentioned where they could listen either to their mother reading the original children’s book that was used or another book. The babies sucked to hear the original children’s book. What DeCasper concluded was that a prenatal auditory experience can influence auditory preferences after birth.
An author and well known obstetrician, Christiane Northrup (2005) shares that if a pregnant mother is going through high levels of fear or anxiety she creates a “metabolic cascade.” Hormones known as cytokines are produced and the mother’s immune system is affected, including her child’s. Chronic anxiety in the mother can set the stage for a whole array of trauma based results such as prematurity, complications of birth, death, and miscarriage. 
The opposite is also true. When the mother is feeling healthy and happy, she produces oxytocin. This is often called the molecule of belonging. The presence of this component creates feelings of bonding and strengthens immunity in the baby. Neurotransmitters moving inside the mother’s body creates a chemical and physical imprint on the baby’s brain and body. The message imprinted is that there is safety and peace. The baby feels secure and taken care of.
Can a baby learn while in the womb? The research seems to point in that direction. In terms of mental health, can this be a clue to psychological issues adults exhibit? In some cases, I think so. I feel this way, not because I have done peer-reviewed research on the matter, but because of the hundreds that I have treated for their fetal life traumas. They experienced significant or total reduction of their negative and dysfunctional issues. Many of these patients had previously exhibited spontaneous and abrupt feelings of anger, fear, sadness, loneliness, hyper-vigilance and even co-dependent enablement.
The next time you experience one of these emotions and you cannot figure out where it came from perhaps it came before your physical birth. You may have had a detached mother or a scared one. You could have had a mother that did not want to get pregnant and resented the father. Maybe your mother was depressed and lonely. Hopefully, you had a happy and content mother who nurtured you in her heart and enjoyed having you in her life.
Gonzalez-Gonzalez, N. L., Suarez, M. N., Perez-Pinero, B., Armas, H., Domenech, E., & Bartha, J. L. (2006). Persistence of fetal memory into neonatal life. Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica, 85, 1160-1164. 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Adoptee Therapist's Insights Somatic Psychotherapy


Adoptee Therapist Insights Somatic Psychotherapy


Besides the classical developmental approach, which sees development as a series of stages, each of which has an associated conflict to resolve, I also use a developmental somatic psychotherapy model that takes infant movement patterns that come in sequentially in the first year of life as a model of development and as a way to diagnose issues in relationship.
Rather than a linear or scaffolding approach, these movements cycle through our self-other interactions and an interruption or difficulty with any one movement can affect the whole.  These movements are yielding with, pushing against, reaching for, grasping onto, pulling towards, and releasing from, and all of them can be seen in the baby lying in the mother or father’s arms. Everyone, adopted or not, deals with difficulties in different parts of the cycle, and 
adoptees are particularly prone, as is anyone with early trauma, to difficulties in balancing the underlying base of support from which we move, which we might see as our relationship to the ground and gravity......
What is the loss of the mother, for a pre-verbal being, than a feeling of falling forever?
We also deal with questions around our ability to take hold of and grasp onto what we appear to have.  Questions of how much can I truly make you mine, how much can I have you, how much am I yours, are questions at the heart of adoption and that adoptees can struggle with later in life in other relationships.  Loss calls for the ultimate letting go, through grieving, and the more fully you are able to grasp, have and make something yours the more fully you can release and move on.  
On the other hand, if you haven’t really had something, it is hard to let it go.  I think many of us, adoptees and non-adoptees, get stuck in not quite having, so we are not able to release, or in fear of not being able to have, so we don’t reach for and move towards what we want.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Adoptive Parent Truths Refused


Adoptive Parent Truths Refused

The child adoption industry has sanitized the unpleasant and factual realities of adoption which is directly reflected in adoption marketing. Yet the attempts by professional social workers to educate potential adopting parents falls on deaf ears, yet the adopting parent's refuse to believe that adopted child issues will happen to them, on the contrary adoption issues are guaranteed to manifest. The "psychological inflexibility" among potential adopters is especially true in regard to the population of professional therapists seeking to adopt a child where the educational material about potential adopted children's psychological problems, experiences and statistically outcomes, are ignored through self deception. The problem with educating potential adopters is that they become emotionally motivated, that adoption is the solution to their problems that they can't see beyond their perception of solution. Where adoption related disappointment is a guarantee that their hope in a perfect adopted child will come crashing down. The adoptive parent's need to look like, act like and appear like a normal family is a delusion of the selfish, who adopt a child to fulfill their needs where they are inadequate, grieving a child's death or infertility's emotional trauma that is not cured by adoption. The realistic view that child adoption is not normal, people that intentionally abandon their offspring are not normal and adopted child rearing is not the same as bearing offspring. Just because something is done does not make it right, as child adoption is an immoral practice of stealing the offspring of others, erasing the child's identity and forcing your identity on the adopted child will never change his biology but will cause him emotional, identity and behavior problems. The adoption industry has created wealth for the traffickers, made biological offspring into orphans and created psychological trauma for the child and mother separated...all the carnage to fulfill one psychologically unstable woman. Yet in reality she will not be satisfied, or fulfilled by the token adopted child, she will turn to other hobbies that provide her ego with it's needed attention.