About Adoptee Rage
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
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Package delivery unsuccessful attempt notice on February 6th, 2019 , 09:27 AM.The delivery was unsuccessful due to the fact that nobody was present at the delivery address, so this notification has been automatically sent. You may rearrange shipping by seeing the nearest United States Postal Service location with the printed shipping invoice mentioned down below. In case the package is NOT scheduled for redelivery or picked up within 72 hrs, it will be returned to the shipper.
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Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Physical Emotional Rejection In Adopted children
In our hunter/gatherer past, being ostracized from our tribes was a death sentence, as we were unlikely to survive for long alone.
Evolutionary psychologists assume the brain developed an early warning system to alert us when we were at risk for ostracism. Because it was so important to get our attention, those who experienced rejection as more painful (i.e., because rejection mimicked physical pain in their brain) gained an evolutionary advantage, they were more likely to correct their behavior and consequently, more likely to remain in the family. Where the newborn child is rejected by his/her biological mother for adoption assimilation, the newborn only knows abandonment as his first experience in the world.
Try recalling an experience in which you felt significant physical pain and your brain pathways will respond to that original memory of being abandoned and alone. The adopted child's cognitive ability to experience his abandonment by reliving this most monumental painful rejection, he is flooded with many of the same feelings you had at the time of birth abandonment. Our brain prioritizes rejection experiences because we are adopted into non-familial families that the adoptee must prove daily that he belongs.
We all have a fundamental need to belong to our biological family group. When we are rejected from our familiar biological family, this need becomes destabilized and the disconnection we feel adds to our emotional pain. The stress on our motivation to attempt to reconnect with adoptive family after rejection becomes harder with time.
The strong link between rejection and aggression in adoptees and caregivers, reaching out to members of groups to which we feel strong affinity and who value and accept us, has been found to soothe emotional pain after a rejection. Feeling alone and disconnected after a rejection, however, impacts on our behavior and motivation to attempt to fit in.
We often respond to adoptive family rejections by finding fault in ourselves, bemoaning all our inadequacies, kicking ourselves and destroying our self-esteem. Most adoption rejections are a matter of poor fit and a lack of chemistry, incompatible lifestyles, wanting different things at different times, or other such issues of mutual dynamics. Blaming ourselves and attacking our self-worth only deepens the emotional pain we feel and makes it harder for us to recover emotionally.